Yes, but we all tell the kids to throw a wide net, see what’s out there, see how the acceptances and financial aid pans out. Now everyone’s saying the kids should decide if parents let them apply to that school. Just like the kids learn more about schools and financing during the process, so do the parents. Parents might well have said “Apply to VT, looks great” but now that there’s been more investigating, they aren’t as happy with it, or now that the student didn’t get into UMass engineering, UMass doesn’t look as good as VT. The parental advice doesn’t stop at the application stage or even the attending stand but keeps on right through graduation.
I also found my kids changed a lot during senior year. They were more mature, knew more about what they wanted. One had started the process thinking accounting or chemistry, but then decided on engineering, which changed what school might be best for her. She also seemed YOUNGER than I expected when it was time to go to college, and that may have made a difference in my wanting her to go 6-8 hours away rather than 1. I know a ton of kids who went far away for freshmen year, and some didn’t even make it a semeste, and maybe their parents could have predicted that. I do think a lot of kids, and GCs, get caught up in the ‘going away to college’ think when better options may be right in their own back yard. My best friend experienced this with her son. They all thought he should go away to college so looked at all the available schools in Wis or Minn, but finally realized UW Madison was the best school, so he lived in the dorms 15 minutes away from home. Maybe the parents the OP knows have learned a few things about their child, about his maturity, about his goals that would make them prefer one school over the other even at this late date.
I hope you don’t mind if I change the scenario a little, to reflect the current situation in my household. My son was accepted to two great schools, both private, both about the same price. They are quite different in terms of size and location, but quality-wise and cost-wise they are equivalent so his dad and I don’t have a preference. We really want him to make his own decision, but he doesn’t seem to be doing anything about it! You are all talking about having conversations, but when we try it with him, we end up doing all the talking and he doesn’t tell us his thoughts. He is not making any headway on getting a decision made, and although I realize there is still some time left, why should it take till May 1 to choose between two equivalent schools? So ours is a case were we are literally begging him to buckle down and decide for himself, but he won’t or can’t! And, won’t or can’t talk to us about it either! Very frustrating!
@tellm3more: the indecision is completely normal. This is a totally insane time for seniors. You’re asking him where he wants to go live for the next 4 years when he’s lived with you guys from day one and has gone to school with his pack of friends who in a few short months will get blown to the 4 winds, and now he’ll have to make new friends, and how hard is college anyway, and what’s the food going to be like now that I won’t be raiding the family fridge, and do I or don’t I want to join a frat, and what if no one likes me, and what if I made the wrong decision, and why are my parents driving me crazy with this decision, and will I meet any cute/smart women, and…
@tellm3more have you suggested he try flipping a coin?
If the coin says college 1 and he’s happy with the coin, then college 1.
If it says college 1 and he says “let’s make it best of three” then college 2.
@tellm3more: Some five years ago my son went through this indecision and he did not make his final decision until a few days before the deadline. He did do the Ben Franklin method of listing his pros and cons on a sheet of paper for each of 3 colleges that were finalists. He also listed the top 5 things he wanted in a college and ranked each on a 10 point scale for each college. His highest ranked college was the same on both lists. He chose the smallest school of the three. It was the perfect fit him as he had an outstanding college experience and is doing quite well in the work world. My guess is the smaller school may be a better academic for your son if he take a long time with these types of decisions… My son was extremely bright but would have floundered in a large school. My daughter, on the other hand, is thriving at a larger school. She knows what she wants and is very much a take charge person. My son was more reserved and undecided on his major. He flourished with the small classes and interaction that came with it.
I believe academic fit should take precedent when a close decision involves two different sized schools.
Good luck to your son with his final decision.
@tellm3more, both my kids made their final decision on April 30. For my older son it meant that he didn’t get a shot at the nicest dorm, but he ended up in a dorm which while it was a longer walk from campus was a huge one bedroom apartment for two kids. He loved it, and stayed in the same room for two years. Both kids had narrowed their choices down to two schools and had to turn down a higher ranked, more prestigious place for one that they thought was a better fit for their particular interests. It wasn’t an easy decision for them, and really the first big decision they had ever had to make. It was fine with me if they took their time.
When money is not an issue, it is definitely the kid’s choice. It is his life and I am sure he will be more motivated in a school chosen by himself. My son chose a US school over a # 1 UK school, it took me a while to digest his reasons for the decision. In my country, everyone knows the UK school (even the janitor and the preschool children ), some thought we must be out of mind to choose the US school. Of course, the US school is a very good one, it is just not as famous as the UK school in my country. I have the feeling that he probably will do as good in any school, the only difference is the college experience. In that case, why don’t we support his decision and he will be very thankful to his loving parents!
Haven’t read the whole thread b/c am guessing that the large majority of posters are going to agree that especially if cost is not an issue, let the student decide.
He’ll select one, even if 5 minutes before deadline. You don’t have to pick it for him two weeks in advance of the deadline. He’s going through his own process.
“I hope you don’t mind if I change the scenario a little, to reflect the current situation in my household. My son was accepted to two great schools, both private, both about the same price. They are quite different in terms of size and location, but quality-wise and cost-wise they are equivalent so his dad and I don’t have a preference. We really want him to make his own decision, but he doesn’t seem to be doing anything about it! You are all talking about having conversations, but when we try it with him, we end up doing all the talking and he doesn’t tell us his thoughts. He is not making any headway on getting a decision made, and although I realize there is still some time left, why should it take till May 1 to choose between two equivalent schools? So ours is a case were we are literally begging him to buckle down and decide for himself, but he won’t or can’t! And, won’t or can’t talk to us about it either! Very frustrating!”
Some kids need the pressure of a looming decision to help them decide. I’d leave him alone until the absolute last minute of the last day. If he hasn’t decided by then, I can see having a serious conversation with him then-including why he can’t decide.
Seriously, though, back off until he needs to make a decision-give him some space to think. It’s so much pressure already.