<p>Hello everybody, I'm new to this forum. I just googled some keywords about college life and it led me here. I'm looking mainly for advice on the college experience. As the title says, I'm an MtoF transperson. I'm not really sure if it will be an issue in college but I usually never bring it up unless asked. In HS, I've had to deal with bullying issues, usually from girls, though I tried my best to ignore them and just get on with my life--whether this bullying is related to MtoF issues I don't know. I think it's just due to their immaturity, though guys are usually nice to me (I don't know if they know I'm trans though). I'm just hoping college would be so much better. </p>
<p>I was fortunate enough to get into an urban Ivy and I think students there will be smart and mature enough to consider my status a non-issue if they even know. I purposely chose a more traditional college because I want a more mainstream college experience and not necessarily be defined my by sexuality (I didn't even mention anything related to it in my application). At the same time, I do want a dating life so that worries me. When I date, I usually go for straight men. I do get approached often but my heart always sinks by the thought that they wouldn't be into me when they find out, and this has in fact happened before and it's heartbreaking (though I did manage to have 2 relationships in high school, both with straight men). I hear the LGBT resources at this university are adequate though I'm not sure if they would suit my needs-- I usually don't really identify with the LGBT population, but maybe this will change. </p>
<p>Also, I'm really worried about the economy and am afraid if I don't do the right things, I won't get a job after graduation. I really want to study history but the job I ultimately see for myself is marketing/advertising. I really wanted to go to law school before but I don't think it's a wise decision right now. Can you suggest some things I should do to prepare myself? Also, how do you think being trans could play out in the job market right now, especially in the marketing/advertising and legal fields? I know it probably won't be an issue for the former since marketing/advertising is full of nonconformist types (at least I think so?). Like I said, I keep my sexuality out of my resume and I don't think people could tell I'm trans so maybe it will not be an issue? I'm trying to get an internship for this summer and I find it's easier to interview with men than with women, I don't know why. They're just nicer to me from my experience. </p>
<p>Also, because I attended a high school that didn't have a large HS population, I'm looking to take advantage of the Asian orgs at this college (I'm Asian). It has quite a sizable Asian population. What do you guys think about joining a cultural org in college? Would I be limiting my group of friends to other Asians if I do this because clubs would probably require significant time investment?</p>
<p>Wow, a lot of issues here, so I am going to just touch on a few things. If the large urban Ivy is where I believe it to be, you will have many resoures available to you both inside and outside the campus. The fact that you don’t identify with the LGBT community is a whole can of worms that I will not touch. You need to rethink some of your own stereotypes if you think you are the only person in the LGBT world that doesn’t want to be defined by your sexuality. As for dating advice, I always encourage honesty. Be who you are.
As for how men and women are treating you in life, I think a lot of that has to do with the energy that you put out there. You are young obviously and in your life you will meet good and bad women and male bosses. </p>
<p>As for joining an alliance group in college, that won’t be the only place that you make friends. Why not take this opportunity to explore. If you don’t like the group, you can quit. Clubs in college will vary in time and commitment. People generally arent in as many clubs as in high school. Take a look at what the school has to offer and you will find your place.</p>
<p>I don’t know anyone who is transgender or in the process, but from my experience with people of various backgrounds and situations, I would be most likely to feel accepting if you were just calmly matter of fact about who you are. Not all up in your face, but not really hiding it either. I hate insincerity, and I also hate it when people are overly defensive or have major attitude without even giving anyone a chance.</p>
<p>I would suggest maybe getting some of your female friends to be upfront with you about how you come across, in order to see if there is some way in which you are alienating women you might interview with. </p>
<p>Certainly join any Asian org you find interesting, as well as seeking out the LGBT group and any other group that’s appealing to you. There are lots of groups where you can determine the level of time/commitment you want to expend. It may just be going to their social events. Or doing a 5K for a cause. Whatever, you can decide your level of involvement.</p>
<p>Now that you are enrolled in the college, it might be a good idea to notify them of your situation.</p>
<p>I’m not sure whom you notify, but the people in the LGBT organization would know. You can ask them questions even if you choose not to become involved with them once you’re on campus.</p>
<p>There is an issue here that you haven’t addressed – housing. I think you need to know which gender the school will consider you to be in terms of your on-campus housing assignment. There may also be issues with bathrooms, especially in the dorms. Sophisticated colleges (and the entire Ivy League is included in this group) will do their best to accommodate you, but they have to comply with various laws and regulations, too. You may as well find out what the situation is sooner rather than later.</p>
<p>(If your school is the one I think it is, one of the freshman dorms consists almost entirely of singles, and living there is the most obvious and inconspicuous solution to the housing problem.)</p>
<p>I agree with Marian: you need to address this with the college ASAP. I assume that at your age you have not had surgery? Did you apply as a male or as a female? I’m sure you can imagine that a male student might be startled, at the very least, to find that he is rooming with a woman, and a female student might be started, at the very least, to find that she is rooming with a woman who has male genitalia. After all, they are going to be just 17 or 18 yr olds who probably haven’t thought much about trans people. You don’t want to put yourself or them in that position. I’m sure that all the Ivies have gender-neutral housing.</p>
<p>There is a parent poster here who transitioned as an adult. Perhaps she will contact you with some advice. And I’m sure there are others I’m unaware of. :)</p>
<p>Please do contact housing and deal with the situation up-front. </p>
<p>I think a cultural club sounds like a great idea…just don’t limit yourself to one group of friends. College is a time to get to know lots of different kinds of people.</p>
<p>I agree with posters who suggest this is an issue to discuss with housing. They won’t be shocked. They’ve heard it before.</p>
<p>You are a brave soul. And good luck. I am happy you are pursing a life that will fulfill you.</p>
<p>I have known several transgender people in both directions, and one if DD’s high school friends just transitioned M to F.</p>
<p>It’s hard when there is ignorance in the world, but many of us face that, and bullying to. Hang in there. Some people will be matter a fact, a few will be hostile, but some will be uncomfortable and not understand. My first advice to you is not to be angry or uncomfortable yourself if someone else is. Just calmly relate your own experience. In time most people adjust to others whom they may initially feel different from.</p>
<p>Dating. Sigh. Hard for many young people. Honestly, many transgender people I know do date within the transgender community. I know you say you don’t identify with LGBT community, but perhaps that’s a bit of a bias on your part. It always made me sad when my fat friend said she wouldn’t date anyone fat.</p>
<p>There may be a person who has transitioned in the opposite way as you who is looking someone just like you.</p>
<p>Or you may meet the straight man of your dreams.</p>
<p>Be open to people and life will evolve.</p>
<p>The other questions are a lot to digest when you’re not in college yet. Major, job, all these things evolve over time.</p>
<p>Good luck and have fun!!! An urban Ivy (there are four! which one? – you don’t have to tell), you have so much to look forward to.</p>
<p>I agree, the main thing to do now is be upfront with housing. I’m sure they’ve seen it all. I don’t think you need to make any other decisions now. Go to the intro meetings to any clubs and groups that you think might be helpful/fun and see what you think. Be open about your identity and I think you’ll find lots of friends.</p>
<p>I know a handful of transgendered folks, but they all transitioned after college.</p>
<p>Are you at Penn or Columbia? I’ve got a lot of good info on Penn and a bit on Columbia if you want to PM me. At either place, you will not be alone. As for housing, I would not predict any issue at all.</p>
<p>I know this might sound controversial or uncaring - and I have nothing but support and best wishes for the OP - but might it not be a bad idea to try to get a single, to head off the “uh-oh, my roommate has male genitalia” or “uh-oh, I thought I was rooming with another guy but I’m rooming with a woman”? That’s a lot to ask of another freshman student, and it would seem that it would cause more problems than it’s worth when a single could avoid that piece of the equation.</p>
<p>Hi everyone. I would like to bump this thread as I too am in a similar situation (mtf) and would like advice. I am not out to my parents (or anyone else) and so I’m still in the closet about it (phobic parents). However, I would like to start my transition in college.</p>
<p>Now that I am going to be a freshman later this year, the issue of housing is constantly on my mind and it is frustrating! I know I need to contact the relevant authority, but it seems as though I lack the courage to do so (really afraid everything turns out badly). If anyone here has first hand experience, or can provide some help, that would be appreciated!</p>
<p>I’m not sure that’s necessarily asking a lot of most college freshmen…unless they’ve been raised in sheltered socially conservative homes and/or are extremely immature for their age. </p>
<p>Then again, my perspective has been influenced by attending an LAC which has allowed mixed-gender roommates/shared bathrooms since the late '60s and from being around college-aged adults regularly and finding that they on average, tend to be more open-minded and don’t see this as much of a big deal than when even my generation(late Gen-X) were in college…not to mention older Gen-Xers and boomers.</p>
<p>You know how you think and feel, and you need to accept that others think and feel as they wish too. Most straight men will not want to date a transgender person, all the more so one who is pre-surgery.</p>
<p>Oh please. One doesn’t have to be “sheltered” or “socially conservative” to be taken aback by finding out that one’s roommate has a different gender identity than expected. And I think that falls under the situation of “a bit unfair to throw at a freshman roommate” - just like, for example, throwing a kid with Asperger’s at a roommate would be, without some fair warning. That’s not to say that there is anything wrong with someone being transgender, just that it might be easiest for all to avoid throwing a grenade at others by asking for a single. That’s all.</p>
<p>First, everyone is worried about getting a good job after college (which for some folks is wayyy after college) so don’t feel alone there. </p>
<p>sylvan8798’s advice is really good about letting people know your situation in a calm matter of fact way. That should get the job done for most people and frankly, for the people that can’t handle it, don’t worry about them. </p>
<p>I think you were smart to enroll in a college in a big city. You can be yourself a lot easier in a big city than you can in a smaller town. My advice is simple: study hard in college, pick a practical degree, make as many friends as you can, dating is a roller coaster ride for ANYONE at ANY age and, although I am sure it can be moreso for you, just remember it isn’t easy to find the right person no matter what. </p>
<p>You sound extremely mature and bright, so, you got that going for you. Good luck.</p>
<p>You are basically saying being placed with roommates who may be different in any meaningful way is “unfair to throw at a freshman roommate”? </p>
<p>Umm…college residential life has been doing that for decades/centuries…and the vast majority of us managed to adjust or deal. </p>
<p>How about the poor roommates who had to put up with my out-of-control party-hearty beer/party double-major older cousin at a Big-10 state school in the mid-late '80s?? </p>
<p>Or the party/beer double major roommates at another older more serious studious cousin had to put up with for all 4 years for the sake of a full-ride at UMass(a.k.a. “Zoo Mass” back then)…even as an honors student in the mid-late '80s. </p>
<p>How about an STEM major aunt who had to put up with an extremely loud roommate who randomly screamed with joy and banged doors open at 2-4 am upon coming home from parties to the great annoyance of aunt and other roommates at Cornell in the '50s? </p>
<p>How about my own experience with a roommate who had such a serious computer gaming addiction that I had to kick him out of the room after midnight if he wanted to continue playing* so I could get some sleep for my morning classes and his lagging attendance despite my attempts to rouse him up became such an issue that our Prof had to use me as messenger to tell him he had to report to explain his missed classes…including a few quizzes. </p>
<p>None of us received any fair warnings. Heck…such a thing was unheard of as there has been a widespread expectation that part of living in a dorm was to learn how to adjust and adapt with people who are very different from you as those are good coping/conflict resolution skills which’ll come handy in a variety of contexts later in life. </p>
<ul>
<li>His playing habits/game were so noisy that I wouldn’t be able to sleep if he continued to play in our room while I tried to sleep at night.</li>
</ul>
<p>It looks like OP hasn’t come back to reply, but I wonder what was so important about being an Ivy that she had to list in the topic title. How is this supposed to help anybody? All the Ivies are very different and have different cultures. A trans person is not going to be treated the same way at Columbia as they will at Dartmouth. The OP mentions that they are going to an urban Ivy. I guess that takes away Cornell, Princeton, and the aforementioned Dartmouth. But I’m not sure what binds together the other five Ivies besides being residential and relatively more liberal.</p>
<p>Sorry, but there is nothing uniquely special to how an Ivy treats trans people that the OP had to list it in the title. It just really bothered me.</p>