Suddenly, I realize this college is not the right one for me...

Student Lounge College Life
1

<p>For the last 48 hours, I have begun to awaken to realize the true college I am attending...and what I see I am not happy with. And through a bit of research, it seems quite a feel people feel the same way. </p>

<p>I go to this private school in the South and actually one of the top 50 schools of America. After the first 24 hours, I began to realize how isolated I was. Unlike many people of this school, I am not rich, wealthy, and white nor I am a conservative. I do not wish to join the greek life that almost EVERYONE seemed super excited about. (Almost half the school attend greek life) And beyond sharing the same hall, etc, of the people of my hall, I realize that I live in a totally separate world...and seemingly continues to be the case through out the whole school. </p>

<p>I do get along with everyone but everything is more/less a mutual relationship. Like: we can be friends and talk about the present of what is going on but besides that there is hardly a connection. </p>

<p>In a way, I just want to fit in since these are nice people, they just are not people that I normally associate with and not people I know I could be friends with. Just a mutual relationship. </p>

<p>There are a few people I did connect with who seem kind of fun to hangout with but at this stage, it is still kind of awkward. But we have much more common ground that much of those in my hall. </p>

<p>Their world: girly girls who enjoys hanging with with other girls, preppy, rich, to-be Greek sisters </p>

<p>My world: slightly tom-boy, enjoys hanging with variety of people, middle class, drama geek, loves musicals, loves anime/manga, artist, rock music </p>

<p>And what really sucks is I had to the chance to go to school where I knew there would be people like me. Most of my friends went to those schools. </p>

<p>Socially, I am at such a disadvantage and I feel this is the biggest mistake I have ever made. I am willing to give this year a try but I don't know what to do. I just want to find that person who I connect with but I feel I will never find that person. Or should I just conform to the school's standards. After all, I did plan on doing the rush during the spring to check it out...see what all the fuss is about.</p>

<p>I am not too worried about the academics. The school promised amazing teachers, etc. It is just the social part has made me break down.</p>

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<p>"My world: slightly tom-boy, enjoys hanging with variety of people, middle class, drama geek, loves musicals, loves anime/manga, artist, rock music "</p>

<p>Honestly, it sounds like you could find people similar to what you described on just about any college campus. Maybe you haven’t found them in the first couple of days, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t there. Also, you say you like hanging out with a variety of people, yet it seems like you’re looking for a “type” of person instead of giving those around you a chance. I’m not saying you’ll become lifelong friends with the majority of them, but you never know. And it’s good to have a wide range of friends - they fulfill different needs in your life. </p>

<p>Perhaps you had your social life all figured out throughout high school, but you need to accept that it’s changing and give yourself time to adjust. Be open minded, and if you truly feel like you don’t belong after a year, then consider transferring.</p>

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<p>How many undergraduates go to your school? Is it fairly unpopulated?</p>

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<p>24 - 48 hours…? Coming from a very negative college experience myself (despite having tried very hard over those years to find a better experience within it), I am one of the biggest proponents of the true reality: college is not 100% “what you make of it,” as many would have you believe.</p>

<p>A combination of your own effort and the college itself can determine both your college success and overall college experience. For most people there are schools out there in which they would have a terrible college experience, even if they made a 100% effort to “make something of it.” However, the vast majority of people do not attend such schools themselves. They either had the necessary opportunity, work ethic, and perhaps some luck to make it into a school that fit them, even if it was not their first choice, or they are so “mainstream” that they were able to easily avoid incompatible schools (there are still colleges that are a bad fit for them, they just could easily get into a school that was not). This is one of the factors that contribute to the “what you make of it” myth.</p>

<p>I read this forum way back before I started college, and I fell into the trap that “college is what you make of it.” From reading on here, I decided to go along with the idea that all colleges are generally the same, with only minor differences that make college life a little more or less appealing to different people. That could not have been more far from the truth, and I paid the price for trusting that side of the argument (and in fact still paying for it now). So before anyone tries to convince you otherwise, know that truth.</p>

<p>So you should absolutely transfer if you find this college to be a bad fit for your individual self. However, at this stage, that is a big IF. I started off the post with, “24-48 hours.” There is no way you could have, nor should have, already condemned this college as incompatible. Now that you are there, and not somewhere else, you should give the college a chance, especially if there is some other beneficial reason that attracted you to it. Although I do not believe in the silly “have to give it your whole freshman year” yardstick that some people push, I do believe you should give it long enough to make an open-minded, comprehensive effort to both succeed in the college and enjoy your time there. How long that takes depends on you personally.</p>

<p>Since you already have a negative impression, I would suggest putting forth that effort as soon as possible and as thoroughly as possible, so you do not waste time if it truly is incompatible. I should also emphasize the “open-minded” part. In this case, an insincere effort is the same thing as no effort. I myself did not even suspect something was wrong with my college fit until I was partly into my second semester. And I only began to realize it that early because, as I already mentioned, I heavily dove into all aspects of the college starting all the way back in orientation.</p>

<p>Good luck - hopefully you just had an unlucky first couple of days. But if that eventually turns out to be proven false, do not hesitate to transfer out of there!</p>

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<p>I agree with a lot of the advice that GoalsOriented has offered, especially that 48 hours is WAY too soon to make a decision. One other factor to consider strongly before making any potential transfer decision is the financial aspect.</p>

<p>Did you accept any Financial Aid from your current school? Even if you’re able to withdraw from your current classes there’s a good chance you’ll still be responsible for paying back any disbursed loans, Pell, etc. Additionally, any scholarships/FA you were offered at other schools was based on you entering as a freshman. Since you enrolled and entered at the first school, it’s quite possible that any other school you switch to now will consider you a transfer and there is often no aid available to transfers. You can’t assume that scholarship/aid offers from your other choices will still be in play.</p>

<p>We all make decisions in life that we sometimes regret, but real life rarely comes with a “do-over” button. College is all about putting on your big person pants and starting out your life as an adult. You may have some tough decisions to make, but before you do make sure that you’ve given yourself enough time and considered all the factors appropriately.</p>

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<p>

Then over half does not.

Be flexible.

You’ve known each other for two days. Of course it’s awkward. You’ve gotta give this some time.</p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

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<p>try to give it some more time. after this semester if you really still dont like it, transfer</p>

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<p>Which college are you talking about?</p>

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<p>I’m not sure what advice to give you, but I’d like to share with you my own story of not fitting in at school.</p>

<p>I attended a top 20 small liberal arts college that had a reputation for its rigorous academics and intellectual students. I was very disappointed when I actually got there. The classes were easier than my high school classes, the students less intellectual than my high school classmates and I felt economically/socially marginalized too. </p>

<p>I was super unhappy for my first two years. I was friendly with the people around me but I didn’t make a single friend. In my first year I blamed it on the school. In the second year I started blaming myself. “Everyone seems happy except for me, so something must be wrong with me.” I got super depressed and almost suicidal. </p>

<p>In my third year, I started spending more time off campus. And finally I met other people who were more “my kind”! I befriended a couple of “nerds” at another university in the city and I started socializing more with local working young adults. I was instantly much happier!</p>

<p>And then something surprising happened. After I found “the kind of friends” I was looking for all along, I also started making friends on campus. All of the sudden the superficial rich kids who used to be super annoying turned out to be fun to hang out with as well. As did the in-your-face feminists and the super ambitious working-towards-a-career-in-finance Chinese foreign students. </p>

<p>Retrospectively I wonder if the only thing that was off in my first two years was my attitude. Maybe I could have been happier if I had been more open-minded all along. I think that transferring after my first year would have helped me too (in terms of finding the kind of social environment I was looking for), but I am actually glad that I stayed. I might have not learned to adjust to an environment outside of my comfort zone if I had left.</p>

<p>Some of the above posters have given you solid advice. Probably the best thing you can do right now is try to find people you “click” with. If your school is large enough, there are bound to be other Tomboy manga fans. They might not live on your floor but that doesn’t mean that they don’t exist. Try going to clubs or campus events that attract the kind of person you might like. (My college had an anime club that hosted weekly screenings, for instance.)</p>