College Freshman: feeling depressed, no friends, not sure what to do

Student Lounge College Life
1

(Quick disclaimer: I know my name is “tarheelguy15” but I’m not at UNC)

Okay, so I’m a freshman in college and it’s two and a half months in. And as time goes on, I feel like I get lonelier and sadder. I really only have one “friend.” We met at orientation and we’ll generally have dinner about three times a week. But other than that we really don’t hang out. I don’t talk to anyone in my classes except for my lab where I have to work with two partners. I’m pretty introverted and so I don’t like talking to people that much but I mean I don’t want to be lonely forever, either. I had two really amazing best friends in high school and I miss them like crazy but they’re adjusting at their own respective colleges and making good friends and having a really good time. And I just feel like I’m suffering. My parents live about 25 minutes away and I’ve gone home every weekend. Partly because I’m close to my parents and siblings, partly because I can’t stand to stay on campus where I have no one to talk to or hang out with, and partly because I really don’t like my roommates and the less time I spend around them is a relief (I’m in a triple and it was random; there was a survey but our personalities don’t match up at all; they’re both kinda extroverted and one of my roommates likes to have people from the floor in the room where they either watch TV really loudly or talk all the time). I’m trying to change rooms but it’s a process and I basically have to wait until the end of the semester to find a room with a vacancy. I’ve gone to the counseling center and I’m currently in group therapy. But we meet once a week and it’s only doing so much. Basically I still feel really sad and lonely. I know the whole spiel about joining a club and putting yourself out there, but sometimes it’s just not that easy. I am going to try and join a couple of clubs next semester and basically try to “start over” again. I’m changing my major to something I like better so maybe that’ll help, too? I don’t really know if this post was me just trying to vent or seek help or just see if people out there are going through similar situations. All I know is that when I look around I see people (including my friends from hs) having a great time and really “living it up” and enjoying their college experience. But I can’t help but feel like I got screwed over and now I’m just unhappy.

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I felt like this when I started, too, but over time it’s become more and more clear to me that TONS of people are miserable at college. But nobody posts “Sitting alone in my dorm room again” on Instagram, so you don’t see it and it just LOOKS like everyone else is having the time of their life. Rest assured that you are not alone – probably even within your HS friend group, there is at least one other person who is feeling lonely and scared.

Joining clubs would definitely be a good start, as it sounds like you haven’t done that at all yet? Same with having more considerate roommates. Hold out hope for those things – definitely seems like those are two big deficiencies that will be corrected next semester, so you don’t have too much longer to suffer through that.

Otherwise…I’m a sophomore. I’m still lonely. But it doesn’t hurt as much anymore. It gets easier as time goes on. In the meantime, throw yourself into your classes and other things you enjoy. Keep up with the therapy. And feel free to message me if you want to. Good luck!!

3

Going home every weekend probably is not helping. Do you have a part time job? It is a good way to meet people. You don’t have to wait until next semester to join a club, start this week. Are there any volunteer organizations on campus? Try that.

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If you live 25 minutes away, why even live on-campus? You might as well just live at home, living on campus just sounds kind of silly.

Maybe see if you can get out of housing for second semester and move back home. You’re quality of live will go up just being in a real house and not a prison/dorm.

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The whole building of relationships will likely take longer when you are “introverted and don’t like to talk to people that much.” This is certainly okay, it is your personality, but expect relationships to come about slowly, though in the end maybe more deeply. You are doing the right things as far as trying to solve your problems. I agree that keeping up with your studies and seeking out clubs and/or volunteer activities now instead of later might help. Hang in there.