<p>I'm currently a freshman at my states flagship school about 1.5 hours away from my home in a great program with lots of opportunities. I've made a few close friends over the past 8 weeks and have other people I know and will speak to in passing. I've gotten involved in a few clubs, one of which I love and is particularly time consuming. I've been doing fine with all of my classes except for calculus II which admitedlly stressed me out a lot. I get along great with my roomate, and the fending for myself aspect of college is going fine. But despite trying to make it work, I feel miserable. I cry a lot and dread the fact that I have more than two months left before a long break at home. I don't necessarily miss my friends, but I definitely miss my family. I have a really good relationship with my parents and grandparents, and I wish I was able to see them more often. I also have a problem fitting in with the culture of the school. I don't drink and don't enjoy parties, but I find that that's mostly what everyone on campus does. There's also a big football culture which I don't find much fun. I chose this school because the opportunities within my program are incredible, but I'm also very unhappy and at a loss of what to do. Obviously I'm going to stick out this semester, but beyond that I don't know what to do. There is another state school 20 minutes from my house, but I feel like if I transfer I'm not only losing the opportunities at the other school, but also in a way giving up. However, I don't know how much longer I can sanely stay at my school and put up with being constantly unhappy. I have talked with my parents, but I would love your opinion on my situation and if you have any tips for me. Thanks.</p>
<p>Sorry to hear that you’re feeling sad. Does your school have a fall break? Can you spend some weekends at home? You’re not that far away! If you don’t have a car, can a parent pick you up for the weekend? (or is there public transportation that you could take home?) Does your school have a Fall Break?</p>
<p>Fall semester is an adjustment for frosh. Next semester, football will be over, so that energy will be gone. </p>
<p>I think that a weekend at home here and there will help a LOT in the short-term, and soon you’ll find that you won’t need/want to come home much.</p>
<p>Thanks so much for your quick reply! My school does not have a fall break. I agree that the football will soon be over, but I’m worried that means everyone will go home often. I’ve gone home twice (once when really sick and once to see high school friends) but I feel like I’m really inconvineceing my parents, although they would never say that, they’ve been really supportive, when they have to drive 2 hours up and back twice between Friday and Sunday. I don’t have access to a car, but I wish I did–that way I could explore more of my new city instead of sitting in my dorm room when everyone else is partying. I haven’t decided if coming home helps me feel better or makes me feel worse yet.</p>
<p>You live close! Have some family come pick you up for a weekend. 1.5 hours is nothing to a parent seeing their kid.</p>
<p>Surely there are kids from your hometown that attend that school. Find them. See if you can pay for gas for rides home. Are you at Purdue? If so, it would seem like someone from your area would be available. Even if they could get you to a closer town, and then have your parents pick you up there, it would be less of an inconvenience.</p>
<p>Also, does your school have Zip cars or is there some other ride service around? If so, use that to explore your city. Some schools have buses that take kids to shopping areas on weekends.</p>
<p>Hang in there. It is really hard to get engaged in your college if you still have a foot in your bedroom at home. First of all, your tuition pays for counseling, among lots of other things, at your school. It doesn’t mean something is wrong with you to go talk to someone about how you’re feeling. It is completely normal to feel this way. Secondly, are there some clubs or service organizations you can join to meet some like-minded people? Study groups in classes are also a good way to meet people. it is very often the case that, once the “bloom is off the rose” or the excitement of those orientation days wanes, and mid-terms loom, that students feel exactly the same way you do. If you’re struggling in a class, go to office hours or find a tutor. During football game times, leave your door open and/or wander your dorm and see if there are other kids who feel the same way you do. It will get better, and going home feels good for a bit, but further isolating yourself on weekends by going home, even though it feels good at the time, sometimes hurts your ability to find your home-away-from-home.</p>
<p>Your university should publish a list of everything there is to do on weekends. I bet there are films, crafts, hikes, rock climbing, bowling… activities planned. See if you can go with someone you know (perhaps from a study group or from your program)? If the drinking and noise become too much, see if you can be switched into Substance-free housing. Are you in the Honors Dorm right now? Isn’t there some kind of committee planning in your dorm that you could participate in to plan for things <em>you’d</em> find fun as an alternative to drinking?</p>
<p>I have come to learn from CC, that for some reason, many students (and parents) think freshman should leave home the week before Labor Day and not return home until Thanksgiving. I have no idea why!!!</p>
<p>Sounds like you DO have some positives going on - Cal II is HARD - don’t be afraid to ask for help - lots of it if necessary! You get along with your roommate - another plus.</p>
<p>I feel there is nothing wrong with some occasional trips home. Or for family/friends from home to visit you. I have two college grads - one was 1.5 hours away, one 3. My husband always said he didn’t mind the drive back and forth - a good many times - when they didn’t have a car - hours of "undivided, don’t have to share you with anyone else "time!!! It was great for them to refresh and recharge from the stress and sometimes uncertainty of the college transition. They could sleep in their own bed for a night or two, raid the refrigerator, sit at the breakfast table,etc. - things that were familiar. They appreciated the option to come or not. It wasn’t weekly. </p>
<p>Are your parents open to having you come home now and then??? And I second the idea of catching a ride- someone would be happy to have some gas $$$ in their pocket - well worth to pay for a trip home! </p>
<p>Veteran mom of many 2.5 hour one way trips, in snow et al. Parents give up the daily chauffeuring of in town trips for less frequent longer trips when their kids are in college. Plus they don’t have as much shopping for food et al when kids are away at school. Don’t feel that is a burden to them. Ride sharing with others from near your home can help. Those fellow students do not need to be friends, just people willing to “carpool”. btw- not much in car conversation- more sleeping than awake time for any passengers (often took two extras).</p>
<p>Hang in there. The fall of freshmen year you have really only gotten to know people from your dorm. It takes time to meet people in your classes. Your friends are likely to come from classes in common and any clubs/activities you join. Make an effort to participate in things you like. Forget what the majority does- any flagship is large enough to have students doing other things. Attend concerts and lectures on campus, join any club sports, check out the various museum collections… </p>
<p>Remember- you chose this school for the academics in your area of interest. You have to get through the general courses to take those only those interested in your major take. There are likely seminars or such open to all you can sit in on to whet your appetite for your major. I was a chemistry major who had to suffer through physics and math (wasn’t fond of calculus a part of me still wishes I had taken linear math but I was so sick of math I didn’t) during my first two years. Discovered my forever friends in our common chemistry classes. Likewise son had his interests at the same flagship- his were different than mine but not those typical of the majority as well.</p>
<p>Flagship Us are large enough for significant numbers of all sorts of students, no matter what the majority does. You have only been on campus less than two months. Not enough time to find your niche. It does get better as you adjust to college. Hang in there.</p>
<p>You’re close to home. In bad Chicago traffic my work commute has often been longer than 90 minutes! If you think it will make you feel better to go home for the occasional weekend, do it! If your parents are anything like me, they’d come get you in a heartbeat. My D is 12 hours away so coming home for a regular weekend isn’t realistic, but if she was only a couple hours away, I’d think nothing of going to get her on Friday and taking her back on Sunday. Don’t assume you’re inconveniencing your parents - they might be thrilled to have you home. Better to experiment with going home for a few weekends to see if that helps than going through the transfer process without having tried that. You might also want to talk to a counselor at your school - homesickness is not unusual for many freshmen.</p>
<p>Remember to talk to your RA- resident assistant, or whatever s/he is called in your dorm (UW has housefellows). That’s part of their job description.</p>
<p>Suggestion - maybe your parents would like to swing by and take you to brunch. Our college kid is 2000 miles away… oh, how wish we could drive just 90 minutes to have a meal with him 
</p>
<p>How are you doing now?</p>
<p>Our daughter is a freshman, 1.5 hours away, but with heavy traffic and road work it often takes 2 hours or longer.</p>
<p>We’ve seen her 3 times since she left-- twice (early on) to take things to her that she needed, and again when she came home for Columbus Day weekend. </p>
<p>When we spoke earlier this week she said she doesn’t want to wait until Thanksgiving to have another weekend home, so we’ll go get her on the 10th. </p>
<p>I think it’s normal to miss family and want to see them. </p>
<p>Have you tried Skype or Google hangout? It’s easy to set up for your parents and grandparents.</p>
<p>I have two college freshmen (going to schools 2000 miles apart!) and have not much contact. I did see the one in Florida 2 weekends in a row as I was there and drove to see her. The first weekend had two events, and we didn’t have much time, so the next weekend I drove down just to go to the beach, shopping and dinner for about 6 hours. It was their mini break so she was alone, and by the end of the weekend she was sort of relaxed again.</p>
<p>The other is in school much farther away, but two hours from her grandparents, cousins and uncles. She came down one weekend, got to have nice meals, play with the dogs, sleep in, and just be babied. She liked it. I just saw her this weekend. She got a ride down and I took her half way back. Lots of kids from her school in this area, so lots of rides. Post on the ride board or message board.</p>
<p>You should be proud of yourself for staying. I can’t believe how many kids, friends of my kids, are leaving or have already left. One of my daughter’s good friends, who was very involved in school activities, had joined a sorority, was an athlete, left. Suddenly. Just left. I was shocked. Another guy she went to h.s. with also left, but may come back next semester.</p>
<p>I don’t suggest going home every weekend, because then you are not giving school a fair shot either. Once a month should be good, and then you’ll have a long holiday break. Call often. Can you invite a friend to visit one weekend? Soon you’ll be into finals with no time to worry about what’ happening at home.</p>
<p>My college was very big on every sport, even though it was a small LAC. I went few big games, but missed most of them. The school only had 2500 students, but on weekends there would be art shows, concerts, lectures, or movies. I met some kids who were real foodies, so we would travel around to find restaurants with good food. The school had a bowling alley, golf course and beautiful country side for cross country ski. I usually had more things to do than I had time for. If you are going to a big U, I am sure they have many activities outside of drinking and football for students to do. Have you checked them out?</p>