<p>Alright, I'm a gay (not out) college student who just started college this this year. When I first thought of college, I thought I would meet so many people like me at college size with over 25,000 students. Unfortunately, I haven't the least bit. In fact, I really haven't made any super good friends, maybe because I'm not a big drinker nor partier. The worst part thus far is that for my living situation, I got put off into a closed in secluded living area that includes about 4 rooms, making it hard to meet people in my building (its on the ground floor, while everyone else is on floors 2-5. (About 900 people in the complex, not the largest one on campus). I've met a few people, but since I'm not in the main area, I rarely ever see them and never got the chance to truly bond. My corridormates (10 total, all guys) are big, loud partiers and frequently use homophobic slurs, though I don't know precisely what their beliefs on gay people are. I don't know whenever if I should changing rooms is a possibility, providing that I'm not exactly open about my orientation, and wouldn't be able to give a good reason. I would at least like to meet people similar to me, yet it seems that no one really joins those types of clubs as well as I don't feel ready to do that yet. What should I do to find more gay people or more people in general? Should I try to change dorm complexes? What steps can I take to make college better? Any tips/suggestions? (Despite this, I'm doing well in my classes)</p>
<p>Does your school have a LGBT friendly housing option? You don’t have to be gay to be uncomfortable with terms your floormates are using, if you need a reason to transfer you can tell them that the use of those terms is upsetting to you, maybe a little white lie that your close friends are gay and that makes it a sensitive issue for you. Or you could tell the housing coordinator the truth, I’m sure they’ll keep it a secret for you and it’ll make it clear why you want to move.</p>
<p>Also, try spending less time in your room/floor, if it’s too quiet. Go up a couple floors and hang out in a lounge/study room there, there’s no reason you have to study where you live. If the other floors are more social, go be friendly there. You could also try to find some clubs that are relevant to your interests and join those.</p>
<p>Good luck. 
</p>
<p>If you can, please update with any new information. As an LGBT HS senior, this is exactly the kind of thing I’m worried about, and your experience could help me know sort of what to expect. Thanks, and good luck!</p>
<p>Hi DaughterOfCoul,</p>
<p>In terms of what to expect, I think you will be fine. Most large college campuses are pretty liberal, so you won’t come across a lot of hate. My biggest advice to you is to pick your roommates. Your experiences with them are a central part of your college experience. If you don’t get along with them, its going to significantly impact college for you. Tell them, or make it extremely obvious, about your orientation. I think my situation is rather unique, as in most residential halls, you won’t be isolated from others . If I could go back in time, I would of came out in high school, so that I wouldn’t be dealing with this stuff now. If you’re out, college will be great. If you’re not, college might be a bit difficult. I’m stumped in this situation really.</p>
<p>Being isolated is terrible for anyone. If you aren’t out as gay, then you are most likely to feel isolated. You must make a priority to find someone you can talk to. At a large university, there are sure to be clubs for every interest.You should try some of these to make friends. I know you said you don’t want to do that, but you are going to have to stretch yourself here to make yourself some friends. There’s no risk if you go to a club, because if you don’t like it, you don’t have to go back again! But at least you are trying something. If clubs really don’t work, what about an intramural sport? You said you are doing well in classes. Maybe form a study group with classmates? Someone would appreciate your help since you get the material. Can you volunteer for a cause you care about?</p>
<p>Can you also talk to an R.A., or advisor? Is there a LGBT group, you could go talk to someone there? Does the school have free counseling for students, maybe sign up to talk to someone that way (to get help connecting with others).</p>
<p>The one thing you share with other students is that most feel lonely at first. So you aren’t unusual in that. The benefit is that freshman in college are generally open to new friendships. Sometimes it takes time to get to know people. </p>
<p>I’m a parent, but I’ve been around the block. I never have trouble meeting people. That’s because I talk to people everywhere I go. I’ve noticed that this is hard for more reserved people. The trick is to smile and just make comments about anything - in the elevator, in line for the dining hall, anywhere! I don’t worry about what people think of me. Sometimes people think it is weird, but most people respond to warmth.</p>
<p>I hope you feel more connected soon. Don’t give up.</p>
<p>Thanks you for the advice, sureall15. I’m in the process of coming out to my friends and figuring out how to tell my parents, but I plan/hope to go through college as openly as possible. Again, good luck.</p>
<p>Sorry about your situation. First, even though those guys are using slurs, they might not actually feel negatively towards gays, maybe they’re just trying to “act cool.” If you were to express your concern like a poster above suggested, they could potentially stop altogether. </p>
<p>As far as feeling isolated, you need to find a support group. College can be tough enough as it is, but going through feeling different and isolated sure doesn’t make it any easier. Seek-out any groups of similar interests. If you’re near a big city, perhaps there are gay bars/clubs where you can meet people like you. </p>
<p>Worst case scenario (financially, I suppose) is you transfer somewhere else. There are a lot of gay-friendly universities out there. I don’t know what your or your family’s financial situation is, but you can always go to my old school, GW That was a very gay-friendly school in the heart of D.C. In fact, the girls on campus would always complain that all the guys are either gay or in a long-distance relationship, haha. It’s a pretty big gay population…</p>