College Roommates

<p>So, I've known my college roommate for three years. We've always gotten along great. However, she got a boyfriend 6 months ago and our living situation has turned into an unbearable one. We share an apartment on campus, so I'm thankful for my own bedroom and bathroom. My roommate's boyfriend though has been over every single night of the semester. He never leaves, except to go to class. He stays the night once a week, which is ok, but coming over every single day and staying till 12am regardless? He'll also come up in the early morning to see her so they can eat breakfast together. I can't stand it. Besides, there are cleaning issues: I take care of our living room and kitchen and she never cleans it. I'm left to take out the trash and recycling because if I don't, it starts to smell. I constantly hear their PDA even from my own room with my door closed. </p>

<p>I've been keeping my mouth shut for months and I finally talked to her about the situation. I told her he was over way too much, and that I missed just coming home and hanging out with her like we used to. I said that I missed her. She responded, saying sorry and that she knew right away when they started dating that it bothered me a lot that he was over all the time, but he's her "soulmate" and that she honestly would rather spend time with him over anyone else. She ended it then with "I hope there's no hard feelings." I said back that I understand what it's like to be in a relationship (I have a 2+ year relationship with my own boyfriend), but you can't forget your friends when you're in a relationship. However, she said she couldn't spend time with me knowing that her own boyfriend's presence bothered me (like wtf? I've been your friend for three years and he's been your boyfriend for only 6 months) I repeatedly told her that I liked her boyfriend (it's true!), but that I just missed spending time with just her. She then stated that it's hard to spend time with me anyway since my boyfriend is over all the time anyhow (umm no, he works during the week, so there are definitely some nights he is not around). I got fed up and stopped talking to her after that. I went to hang out with some friends (used to be her friends as well) to blow off some steam. When I came home later that night, she had bolted our front door on me. When you bolt the front door in our apartment even our keys won't open it. I pounded on the door repeatedly until she opened it and when I did, I found her and her boyfriend (as usual) just watching TV in her bedroom. I brushed past her, slammed my bedroom door and remained there for the rest of the night. </p>

<p>Now I don't know what to do anymore. I'm angry, frustrated, tired, everything. I can't move out for a few months because of the lease and he can't sublease off me. She can't stay with him because he lives with his parents. I dread coming back to my own home everyday by myself, knowing that they're there. I can't relax and I constantly feel unwelcome, as if I'm the third roommate living with a couple as they "play house."</p>

<p>How do I deal with this situation? I'm through with talking to her about it because she just has her head in the clouds about her boyfriend. I just want some advice how I can spend my days in peace, without the constant anxiety and misery that I've felt living here.</p>

<p>well first off is there an RA or someone who could maybe initiate a mediation meaning you both share your concerns and issues and then with the person’s help you come up with a compromise to the situation. I feel sorry for you and I think it’s annoying when a girl says she finds her “soulmate” and then ditches everyone. When/If they ever break up she will be in for a rude awakening when she realizes she has no friends anymore. If there is no RA then I would suggest you go to either the housing/res life office and speak to them about the problem or go see a counselor at school.
Typically, counselors will have dealt with other students in the same situation and may have some advice for you. </p>

<p>Also, tell her that it is not fair that she bolted the door she is acting like a two year old trying to block out her problems. Once you simmer down a bit and can find a time where she is level headed as well then tell her you’re going to have an adult conversation about the bolting of the door issue. </p>

<p>I hope your friend can put her feet back on the ground soon because it stinks to lose a good friend. Best of luck!</p>