College Sucks. Need Advice/Venting Session

Student Lounge College Life
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<p>Well. I had this whole huge thing to post, but apparently I wasn't logged in, so now I have to rewrite it, being much, much shorter, sadly. It was really good. I am freshman in college. I am relatively quiet. I don't hardly talk. I am not really shy. I just don't like initiating conversation mostly because I have no self confidence and am constantly worried about something stupid. Midterms just finished, which I am feeling pretty good about. My problem is basically, I go home every weekend to avoid my roommate because I hate him. </p>

<p>Let me explain. First, we are polar opposites. He drinks, goes drugs, fails classes. I was in the top 10% of my high school class and I did it by religiously avoiding all of the above. Second, He is never here, but when he is, it is on the weekends--he wakes me up with his drunkenness and has no respect for my property or my well being. Third, the first weekend we were here, he cam back drunk and threw up all over the bathroom. He cleaned it, mostly, but I still had to listen to him puke, all night long. Because I was just a scared college freshman just finishing saying goodbye to my parents that same day. Fourth, he's stupid. I don't think I have ever seen him sober. Fifth, he had sex while I was trying to sleep. I would've stopped him but I thought it was a dream because I never imagines that someone could be so freaking disrespectful. After I realized it was real, it was too late to stop them--if you know what I mean. Again, I hate him. </p>

<p>I almost got away. The Hall Director set me up with a new room, because, the first day I put myself on the wait list, knowing that my roommate was a jerk--I am a good judge of character. Um. The room that they were going to assign to me was a girl's room. They wouldn't let me move in, regardless of being friends with practically all girls anyway. I'm not gay, but I was definitely thinking of throwing that out there just to get my own room in a girl's sweet--I wanted to get away from my roommate that much. I was so ready to get my own room--packed an everything only to be let down. The night before that disappointment, was the night I woke up to the sound of a thumping bed 10 feet away. So, I was tired, ****ed off and irritable. I almost quit college, right then and there. I didn't. </p>

<p>Now, my plan has been to avoid my roommate all semester before I get an email for a new room or he fails out. So far, neither has happened. It have been three weeks since I almost got a new room, well, maybe four. College time isn't real time. It's all different. Hah. Anyway, I have been going home, since the beginning of the semester, minus two weeks, just to avoid him. </p>

<p>I don't know what to do. I can't talk to him. It's too awkward and he wouldn't listen. I told him to stop coming back drunk on the first day and he refused to listen. My RA wouldn't do anything--he practically encourages partying.</p>

<p>I know I'm not missing much when I go home because at this school where the majority lives 45-60 minutes away from their house everyone goes home. I'm not homesick or anything. I don't really have any friends, so going home is better than being bored here. I just don't want to have to go home. </p>

<p>My questions are these: What should I do? How should I talk to someone who won't listen? How to do I talk to someone who is so totally opposite? Is going home every weekend okay?</p>

<p>I still love college. So far, it is really great. The only thing stopping it from being nearly perfect is my roommate. I hate that I constantly have to worry. Anyway. That's all. Thanks for listening to my whining. Even if you didn't comment, thanks for reading all of this. I appreciate you taking the time to jump into my nightmare. Thanks, everyone! :)</p>

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<p>Well, you need some backbone in dealing with the roommate. Tell him, “Hey, sex while I am in the room is not cool… please don’t do that again. Also, it isn’t so cool when you wake me up when you come in at night, can you please try to be quiet?”. If that doesn’t work, engage the RA (you might be surprised at the response, and you can’t go further up the ladder until you do that anyway).</p>

<p>Stay on the list to change rooms. Your roommate probably will NOT flunk out this year. It takes a whole year usually (probation after the first semester, then blowing it again the second). You might get lucky at the semester break; a lot of students go abroad at some colleges for spring, so you may be able to change then. However, be sure you meet and chat with anyone new you might room with before just jumping at the change. See if your schedules are compatible, check to see if they are a heavy partier, etc. The sex question might be awkward, though. :)</p>

<p>Not sure whether EVERYONE on your campus is really leaving (sounds like your roommate is not!). See if you can get an accurate perspective on this (don’t remember where, but it seems I have seen some statistics for this on various colleges…). If it is less than 50%, then you gotta find the other 50%. You are not likely to start enjoying college if you don’t make some friends outside this awful roommate.</p>

<p>Join study groups and clubs to meet people. Volunteer to help out with stuff in the clubs. Do anything your dorm does as a group – lots of them may be like your roommate, but you might find 1 or 2 others like yourself (and that is all it takes).</p>

<p>Hang in there, changing your roommate situation will help once you get there!</p>

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<p>Thanks so much! :smiley: I’m working on having a backbone. I just need to do it one time. I just need to talk myself a lot before hand. Hah.</p>

<p>I might take the option of asking around to see if people have open rooms. That could be beneficial. Yeah, I also thought the semester break would be a time to get a new room. Fingers crossed. </p>

<p>I don’t think I made this very clear, but I do enjoy college. I am meeting people and learning a bunch. I just don’t know anyone well enough yet to say, “Hey wanna go hang out this weekend?” Or something. Also, I’m not one to always enjoy company, so while the amount I have right now is a little less than I would like, it’s still good. :)</p>

<p>Yeah. Intramural soccer starts next week, I think. So, I am hoping something good will come out of that, I found a team of like 10 people who seem to be more like me, which is always good. </p>

<p>Very true. I just need to get away from him and that’s what I’ve been trying to do. I know it will be okay. I just needed to vent. In fact, I feel much better now that I can tell someone without making them feel all sad like most of my friends do. </p>

<p>Again, thanks so much for taking time to help me. It’s really nice of you. I appreciate it. :)</p>

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<p>I had a terrible roommate situation that made me hate college SOOOO much as well. I didn’t do anything like you because I’m really bad with confrontation. Instead, I just annoyed her at night by talking to my boyfriend on the phone while her and her boyfriend were in bed ten feet away trying to sleep/make out/whatever it is they do while I sleep… lolool.</p>

<p>I also ended up staying at a friend’s dorm a lot (lucky for me her roommate always slept at her boyfriend’s so free room!) and I would stay in the lounge a lot when I /know/ my roommate will be there. I really tried avoiding her completely. </p>

<p>I definitely recommend talking to your RA first and foremost though. I couldn’t get a room change but you probably can!</p>

<p>Good luck! I completely understand you. I think the thing I hated most about college was my crappy roommate…</p>

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<p>If your conversation with the RA is not satisfactory, talk to a dean. Dean of student life? You deserve a better situation!</p>

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<p>Lullabies: Yeah. I mean he’s not here a lot because he does sleep somewhere else sometimes. But, when he is here it sucks because he comes in super late and, you know, other things. Thanks for understanding. Haha. Yeah. I guess I should probably talk to someone, that is what I have been trying to push myself to do. I will work on it. Thanks!</p>

<p>Murphy: Thanks, I would like to think that I deserve a better situation as well! I guess not everything can go easily, though. Right? Ha. </p>

<p>Thanks!</p>

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<p>Find his drug stash, anonymously notify the housing department (not your RA), act surprised when the cops show up.</p>

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<p>It is mid October - there are probably some students who have returned home at or after midterms. Some people just cut bait when they know they aren’t making it, and some people get kicked out. I would notify the RA, notify the dorm director, and notify the housing dept that you would like to move asap. You want to be at the top of the list.<br>
I switched rooomates at the semester break my freshman year - ironically, my first freshman roommate is one of the people i still talk to. Just not a good roommate for me!</p>

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<p>Hah! If only it was that easy. </p>

<p>I didn’t really thing about people leaving. I have contacted them and I am on top of the waiting list still, so hopefully if something opens up, that will help. I doubt I will ever be talking to my roommate again after this. Ha. Thanks for the help! :)</p>

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<p>Ask around to see if anyone else is a partier like your roomie–and see if you can arrange a roomie swap on your own. You are definitely not the only person in your dorm who is rooming with a partier, so I am sure there is someone else who would like to swap roommates as much as you. I am sure the partiers would much prefer each other as roomies as well.</p>

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<p>

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Find his drug stash, anonymously notify the housing department (not your RA), act surprised when the cops show up. /

[QUOTE]
</p>

<p>Nope, he’d go down with him. Bad idea.</p>

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<p>Thanks. :slight_smile: I never really thought of asking around and facilitating it myself. I might have to give that a try.</p>

<p>Yeah. I definitely have to do something like that because everything you said is true. I wish they were better at pairing roommates. :P</p>

<p>That’s what I was thinking. </p>

<p>Thanks a bunch. :)</p>