College With My Boyfriend

I live in Florida and my boyfriend lives in Indiana… we have done long distance for a while and we are both going off to college. We both have outstanding GPAs and Test Scores and can go ultimately anywhere our hearts desire. He chose a college in Indiana that has an amazing program in my desired major, the campus is beautiful, and he will be there. I have always wanted to branch out and move out of my small city but I have always been too scared to take the first step. The college is 13 hours away from my home town and the stress this decision is giving me is unwavering. I want to be with him and continue my education. I have never had my heart set on anywhere else, but is it ridiculous for me to leave to be with him?

Yes.

Yes. Don’t go to a school because that’s where your boyfriend is going. It’s late in the game though. Do you have another option?

Do you have access to Hulu Plus? If so watch Felicity (with your parent’s permission if you are not 18 yet).

It’s probably a dumb thing to follow a boy to college but maybe if it’s the catalyst you need to become more independent then it might work out in the end even if you and the boy don’t work out.

I don’t think the above posters are right. If you don’t have another college you want to go to more, then you should go, especially if its good for your major. Look at it this way: if that college would be your top choice anyway, you should go. Especially if this a very special, long term relationship.

The whole “afraid to leave home” part makes me think you’re going to look at the BF as a life raft and need WAY too much from him at school.

If you don’t feel ready to leave home, that’s a red flag against you being ready for an adult relationship with your BF, which includes independence and emotional self-sufficiency.

Have you already been accepted to the school in Indiana?

It’s absolutely ridiculous. You’re gonna meet so many people in college, what’s the point of staying in a high school relationship??

I have known a handful of high school couples that went to college together. They all broke up and regret the decision.

On the other hand, I know two high school romances that ended up in long-term marriages. They both broke up before college, and got back together many years later.

You’re crazy to base your decision on this. What college is this if you don’t mind saying? I mean if you say you have outstanding stats and that you can go anywhere then surely this must be an elite school like… Notre Dame? If it is then great!

Fyi, 90% of high school relationships don’t last. Please don’t base a decision as important as this that will impact the rest of life.

Anyways, since you are saying you have done long distance for awhile then 4 more years of long distance couldn’t hurt right? If you two were really meant for each other then there should be no problem? I know many couples from high school who went to different colleges(15+ hours away) and they did end up getting married in the end.

Wow, that is spectacularly rude.

OP, are you a junior? Throw an app at the school along with the rest of your hopefully carefully-considered list. Maybe it’ll work itself out – you find a school you like better, or you break up before you have to choose. If you’re a senior it’s a little late to still be making the decision, since the deadline was May 1.

I was in two weddings in my early twenties for my best friends, who each married their high school sweetheart. One dropped out of college to follow her swain (mistake) and the other went to the same college. Both ended up divorced before 30. I really really really advise you to plan your future, and not compromise it. If it works out that it is best for you to go to the school where he is attending, fine. But please have realistic expectations.

If your boyfriend weren’t going to that college, would you consider it at all?

^ That is a good question.

I wouldn’t do that. I’ve been with my boyfriend for over two and a half years.

He’s going to trade school, and I’m going to a college a few hours away. I was accepted at a state school, not too far from him. I decided to attend the farther school. I preferred it, and it’s a better school. We aren’t breaking up, but we didn’t base our decisions on each other.

College is a place to meet new people. Your boyfriend should encourage your dreams. If it didn’t end up working out, it would also be quite awkward…

The OP didn’t say she wasn’t ready to leave home; she simply said she was scared to leave home. That’s pretty normal for a teenager who is facing the prospect of living away from home for the first time. It’s possible to be excited and scared about something at the same time.

I’ve been with my high school sweetheart for 15 years, and married him almost 4 years ago, but one of the things that made us work (IMO) is that early on our relationship we made decisions that were best for us as individuals. We stayed together because we wanted to, but neither one of us compromised our careers because of the other. We did choose to go to college nearby each other - but that’s because both had full scholarships at our respective colleges and independently selected those places because they were truly where we wanted to go. (Later, when he returned to finish his bachelor’s degree, my husband did choose to attend the same university where I was attending graduate school - but by then we were married, so the calculus was different.)

So I’m not of the camp that says “you’re crazy” or ridiculous. Of course you’re not. I remember what it was like to be 17 and in love. It’s not at all ridiculous to want to be nearby the person you love, whether you’re 17 or 37. The question is really whether or not it’s a good idea or the right move for you. So I agree with the advice to ask yourself if this was a decision you’d make if you weren’t with your boyfriend. Of course you may have never known about this college in Indiana, or would be thinking about it, without him - that’s not what I mean. I mean, imagine that 3 months from now - in the summer, before you start college - you and your boyfriend break up with each other. Would you still be excited to go to this college in Indiana? Would you regret making the decision that you did? Think about the college itself. What appeals to you about it other than the fact that your boyfriend is there? You say yourself that the campus is beautiful and the program in your major is strong. Those are good things! (BTW, it’s not a problem if your boyfriend’s presence there is one of the reasons you want go to there, as long as it’s not the only or primary reason.)

I’m also going to take perhaps a somewhat unpopular opinion and say - even if you do decide to go to this college in Indiana for your boyfriend, it probably won’t be the end of the world. Most students grow where planted and you may love it despite the fact that you’re not with him anymore. And if not, maybe you transfer back home or something. You can’t predict the future, and I’m not saying you should go, but I’m saying don’t think of this as some OMG LIFE ALTERING DECISION that can never be undone.

I didn’t mean to sound as if you and your boyfriend shouldn’t go to the same school. I agree with @juliet , you should go if you like the school! What I meant was: don’t choose your school for one person! :slight_smile:

Can you afford the school? If things don’t work out with him, does it still have the academic offerings and vibe you want in a college? Is it big enough to avoid him/build a life if your own if you want or need to? What do your parents say?

In my opinion, having a long distance relationship will strengthen the bond between you two. If it works out then you two were meant for each other.

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Agreed with @juliet - that said, I always like this graphic:

http://28oa9i1t08037ue3m1l0i861.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/relationships1.png