The housing application/personal questionnaire for one of my kid’s colleges included this question:
“Would you be okay rooming with a person who is gay, bisexual, or transgender?”
And it’s a very liberal college.
Most people don’t really care from any generation, and the few that do, well that’s there problem. Probably not helpful to the OP but I think that most will keep there personal lives to there personal friends.
cheddarcheeseMN because a previous poster was comparing a living situation to other aspects of acceptance in society. The comparison was used to point out that when talking about a living situation people DO have a choice who they live with. (one can agree or disagree with that choice but it IS a choice) For example in a workplace one can not discriminate you can not have that choice. In your living situation you do have a choice.
Perhaps I should have taken more time to choose more eloquent words. This is not about if someone SHOULD accept someone who is gay but if they HAVE to room with them. The fact is, people can choose not to live with someone for any reason.
My point is that I would rather know upfront if someone didn’t want to live with me due to my sexuality (or any other reason) to avoid a problem.
When you get to know your roommate, you’ll get a better sense for who she is and how close the two of you would be. I don’t think this is something to reveal right off the bat (how weird would it be if someone said to you, “Hi, I’m so-and-so and I’m straight”?). I once had a professor tell us that on Day 1, and it was odd. I didn’t care if she was or wasn’t, but why did she feel the need to announce it?
If you and your roommate get along well and become friends, of course you’d want to tell her. Surely, at some point, dating or past relationships will come up in conversation and you can mention that you date women and hope she’s cool with that. (In this day and age, more than likely, she will be.)
If you and she just don’t jive, and behave more like polite strangers, I wouldn’t bother telling her. I wouldn’t hide who you are, but I wouldn’t make a point to disclose, any more than you would disclose other personal stuff about you to someone you’re not friends with.
However, I’d give her the benefit of the doubt. Don’t assume that she’s going to think you’re hitting on her or be uncomfortable. (This isn’t high school, and pretty much everyone in college is going to know someone who’s gay.)
I don’t think most people would refuse to live with someone who is gay, but they might be uncomfortable knowing about it. If someone is opposed to that lifestyle then they are not going to want to hear about your dates, previous girlfriends, etc. You could still have a polite and considerate relationship, but probably won’t become great friends if they are against it. I definitely think it should be discussed before bringing dates to the room, lots of people would be uncomfortable with that no matter what lifestyle they choose.
Just to clarify, being gay is not a lifestyle. It is intrinsic to the individual. Like having green eyes or curly hair. Having curly hair is not a lifestyle. I was teased for having very curly hair in elementary school, as if it were something I was doing wrong. But I couldn’t change it (well, I could with hair straightening, but my mom wouldn’t let me). Nowadays it’s normal. Nobody teases me.
You may certainly opt to believe that being gay is a choice, but you’d be wrong.
The larger point is, if you know someone isn’t going to be comfortable as your roomie it’s better to address it in week one when you can more easily agree to part company. Or you could choose the You Share/She Grows journey. But sappy after-school specials aside, that can be a very long road that may or may not arrive where you were hoping, so many people from either role don’t choose it.