Comment on My Personal Statement Please!

<p>Here is my personal statement essay. Can you please critique it for me?</p>

<p>Describe a personal activity, how it has shaped your personalities and/or academic interest(s).</p>

<p>Eliza, with large brown eyes and soft creamy complexion, lifted her face with a gracious smile, her lips painted in rich carmine. Yet, too mindful of good manners and ladyship that she might have forgotten He-Ordinary-Rabbit, who, standing next, rudely stared at her with his large eyes and prominent teeth. I turned over the next page, and another story came alive in my hand-made notebook.</p>

<p>I love learning English and I love using pictures to start learning a new language. For a child in sixth-grade like me, picture books held a fascinating world: bright-colored, fresh, pleasant, and peaceful. But the language books at the bookstores were very expensive, I didn’t wish my parents to buy me them either. I knew well that my parents toiled so hard that such luxuries would cause some difficulties for them. A hand-made notebook I used to learn the language, as an effective means to expand my vocabulary.</p>

<p>I liked to let my imagination fly in this notebook. I juxtaposed pieces of pictures, which were cut from old magazines and advertisements, so that something funny might be generated. On one occasion, for example, I put some lamps, and nearby, I placed a knife and a dish. Then I would imagine the lamps merrily came to the dish to become a good dinner plate. Sometimes, I grabbed up my color pencils and drew whatever I needed: a broad smiling face, with a stick pointing to “Mona Lisa” to illustrate “teaching arts”; a farmland of oxen knee-deep in green pastures; a sun so round and yellow, ornamented by plump blue clouds on top of the page. Nearby, I drew an old farmer wearing a straw hat and grinning behind his curling moustache. My drawings were plain and childlike, and not as beautiful as my words describe them, but I loved each page I drew because they epitomized my first efforts of long hours working independently. As each picture, each drawing was put into use, my vocabulary was accumulated accordingly. I found this one of the best methods to learn English, since I couldn’t apply my usual way of deeply inquiring into the subjects for most of the sciences; learning English visually helped me profoundly to remember words.</p>

<p>My imagination and the real world were never separated from each other. In fact, I found that my notebook was the gate to both worlds. On one lesson topic of the class,” Your hometown”, I remember putting in photos of Vietnam: the coconut trees watching themselves by the glistening river; the bamboo bridges arching over two remote areas in Southern Vietnam; and the Vietnamese people, wearing “ao dai”( Vietnamese traditional costumes) riding bicycles on the narrow streets. Those photos made a deep impression on me. I love Vietnam, for all her beauties and simplicity because it was where I nourished my heart and shaped my personality. By learning English, I wished to see the world and to introduce my own country. When I learned that people around the world often knew Vietnam only through wars, I changed my dream from a doctor to a tour guide. I wished people to see my Vietnam presently: our natural beauties, our people, and our efforts to grow. I even do now.</p>

<p>From the small pictures, my passion for learning English is developed. From the photos, my curious mind is nourished. When I look at every page of the notebook, I find everything I thought an achievement is just the starting point for new things to come. However, from that point, my dreams are built into concrete forms, my views are expanded and my imagination is set free. Through the notebook, I began to discover the world around me.</p>

<p>No Comments? :(</p>

<p>Oh please help! I'm desperate for a comment or rating!</p>