Common App essay advice

<p>I'm applying to transfer to UVA and any advice on this essay would be greatly appreciated, and I'm open to any and all criticism!</p>

<p>Please provide a statement (appr. 250-500 words) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.</p>

<p>By the time my senior year came around in high school, most of my friends knew where they wanted to go to further their education. They had already picked their majors and were excited for the next big step in life. I on the other hand was not. In every aspect of my life, I've been a late bloomer. And deciding on what field I wanted to pursue and the institution I wanted to it in was no different. At the time, just about anything sounded interesting. So, in an effort to cover all of my bases I applied to several different schools. Each of the schools had a certain area of study that they were strong in, and none of them overlapped, so I was sure to get into something that I could choose a future career from. I ended up picking the school closest to wear I live, Old Dominion University.
Since I have started attending, I have not only found the major that I'm most interested in, but I have also found what I'm looking for in a university. Unfortunately, my current school of choice has none of them. From my experience as a commuter, the area around the school is dangerous, a majority of the students have no desire to excel, and apart from the football games, there is no sense of family. I want to attend a university that has a strong sense of unity, and an undying desire to outperform the competition.<br>
I found that the University of Virginia met all of these requirements this past Easter weekend when I spent a couple of days walking around campus. The students there were some of the most friendly people I have ever met. They were easily approachable, seemed warm hearted, and the few that I saw studying seemed to be passionate about whatever they were reading. I've talked to family friends who have attended UVA and they have only said positive things about it. Even the friends of mine that are currently attending have given the school their praise. None of them would trade the experience for anything.
When I transfer I hope to accomplish what I could only dream of if I graduated from Old Dominion University. I want to get involved in the lacrosse team, perform to the best of my abilities in my classes, and find that sense of family that I have been searching for.</p>

<p>I think you must give a little more space to write what you hope to achieve, because it’s really important to elaborate on that.</p>

<p><strong>Do not post your essays publicly on this site. “Plagiarism” is always watching!! Many people may have copied your idea or even your essay. This is not safe.</strong></p>

<p>Makes, sense. Thank you! Other than that, what do you think of it?</p>