Common App Essay - Critique?

<p>Hey people, I have completed my Common App essay.</p>

<p>I have written it based on the first topic: "Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you".</p>

<p>If you are willing and able to critique my essay, please contact me (reply here or pm me)
Let me know if you are a current undergraduate or prospective applicant please :)</p>