Thanks for the input. It’s good that you can look at the list and see a theme emerging rather than just seeing a random list of schools. Apparently some knowledge is filtering down to me.
I did something similar for D21 and her college search, and the comments (such as “why isn’t X on the list” or probably more importantly “why is Y on the list”) helped her modify her list in a way that probably added a few good fit schools and eliminated a few with a poor fit.
I put them in my rough preference order, although I expect there to be significant moves once I get better info. She latched onto Taft as a top choice early, I think largely based on a comment a dorm parent made about baking cinnamon rolls for the kids when they are studying. She has since realized that comment probably doesn’t mean much, but it put a positive connotation in her head with Taft, so she tends to think everything looks good there. We also did an info session with them, which we haven’t been able to do elsewhere yet. When we do more of those I’m sure that will move some schools up or down too.
Are Lawrenceville and possibly Taft a bit more HADES like (not that there is anything wrong with that)? If so they may be schools that would fit a couple of her siblings personalities but not hers.
Based on our visits last year, Taft and Loomis felt ballpark-y to each other, and maybe a notch less “HADES-y” – maybe somewhere in between the other schools on your list and the actual HADES. Lville felt more HADES-y (just to use your language; some folks will bristle at the designation). It is the one school (of 12) that after visiting, my DD said it could be the only school to admit her, and they could give her a full merit scholarship and she still would rather go to her LPS and apply again the following year for another school. (That said, some people LOVE LOVE LOVE Lville!). But it definitely does stand out in your list as being “one of these things is not like the others.”
@dadof4kids: Because you’re new to this, you should know that HADES is an acronym made up by a teenager here years ago. It has no real significance and is not used or recognized by any boarding school. We’ve poked fun at it a lot over the years, suggesting better alternatives that, of course, include whatever school your child goes to. I prefer “CHASED” myself. * The schools in any acronym do not represent the brass ring of boarding schools, just a handy way not to have to spell out those you’re referring to. Before HADES caught on, the more common acro was GLADCHEMMS to refer to a broader range of schools often discussed here. In general, though, the acros were used mostly by kids.
*We had a lot of fun a few rounds ago coming up with smutty acronyms because, you know, we’ve never grown up.
(I thought #8 on that thread would get it shut down but, evidently, being gross is not against CC TOS. We used to have way more fun on CC. Just sayin’)
Yeah, I know that HADES doesn’t really mean anything, but I figured everyone would get what I was driving at, and as you may have noticed I have a tendency to type a couple extra paragraphs into every post. So I figured it would suffice as a shorthand for the kind of place I think she wouldn’t fit in well. I was trying to take Aaron Burr’s advice and do everyone a favor. Talk less, smile more.
Is there a politically correct way to say that? Is GLADCHEMMS ok? Honestly HADES is easier to remember, and if I try I could name all of those schools I think. GLADCHEMMS I think if I took 10 minutes I get all but one or 2.
I particularly like the part about the reworking it to make sure your school is included. It reminded me of my time at NYU law. No one ever mentioned the top 5 or top 10 law schools being in a tier together, it was always the top 6. Guess where we were ranked?
I would not think it is a bad idea to have an outlier school on the list. Since you probably don’t get to visit till spring you don’t really know what she will fall in love with (and/or where she gets in with enough FA). We loved Lawrenceville for what it’s worth, and she would definitely be challenged there if that’s what you think she needs/wants.
Yes, particularly L’ville. Not bad, as you state…just not so much in line with the other schools on the list.
FWIW, we absolutely loved L’ville and would have been happy if our kids chose to go there. Taft felt like it had a strong athletic bias…a “jock” atmosphere. But of course, that was just our family’s perception and is not a statement of fact.
@dadof4kids I really like your list! There is a theme but a wide set of personalities.
Pretty sure there are home-baked cinnamon buns (or equivalent) everywhere.
I guess the next step is the virtual tours? I am curious what your take will be once you have a few under your belt. Specifically if your takeaway matches what your current vision is, which I imagine reflects the informed opinions here. Please report back as you go!
I notice that it was on your original list, but it fell off your list on this page… my daughter is at Grier, and it is an absolute gem. I’d never heard of it until they started sending me (lots… LOTS) of admissions emails, and I finally clicked through and it was pretty and had horses so my daughter put it on her list. I wasn’t convinced, but it was her list, right?
Then we went and toured all sorts of day and boarding schools, and just stepping on the Grier campus was magical. We all knew it was the right place for her almost immediately. It’s small, and not as fancy as some of the other schools, but you can tell that it’s a wonderful little community… there are so many programs for kids who are really into something (dance, riding, and art are particularly strong), but their academics are also really strong. My daughter is super smart, but not athletic, and rather quiet, and it’s been a great place for her. She has a lovely group of friends, the teachers are so supportive and really care, and she has learned so much. They were also very generous with FA, which is nice.
For the last 6 weeks or so, I’ve been off of this side of CC. Both because D21 is dealing with several college app deadlines (several Nov 1/Nov 15) and that has been my primary focus, but more importantly because D25 got major cold feet about BS. She declared about a month ago that she had decided she wanted to at least to her freshman year at the LPS.
For all of the reasons I thought that was a bad idea when I started this thread, I still think it is a bad idea. I think for about 15 minutes the friend situation was going really well and she didn’t want to jeapordize that. She knows that she isn’t in a great situation here for that and a host of other reasons, but she was choosing the devil she knew over the one she didn’t. She is also really stubborn, so she didn’t want to have a discussion about it. In her mind, a decision had already been reached.
I’ve been slowly working on getting her to open her mind back up, and am getting through. She is not committing to going, but is back to wanting to get this figured out and I think submit applications. Then she can decide for sure in March. This kid is going to be the death of me.
So anyway, I’m back so be prepared for a bunch of questions again!
Grier and a couple of other all girls schools I think sound awesome and would be great for her. But as I said above about her stubborn streak, I can’t get her to open her mind to the all girls experience. I think they are all off of the list for her unfortunately. I think she would thrive in that environment. However, a coed boarding school is leaps and bound above our LPS for her, so I’ve elected to drop it with her so she doesn’t get turned off by boarding school completely.
So this thread has been primarily focused on school selection, but keeping with the “inexperienced dad” theme, I have a couple other questions.
She has a 15ish school list now. She has done some online things for some of them, although not all. I guess my question is basically, what now?
I think she needs to start interviews. When you get her going, sometimes I think she barely pauses to take a breath. But she is slow to warm up, and I don’t know how well that will translate in 30 minutes with a stranger on Zoom.
I feel like she maybe doesn’t need to complete her app, but maybe at least start it and do a resume, just for her (and me) to get a better map of what she should talk about. Then maybe start scheduling interviews, with the schools she is least interested in first?
Schedule interviews now. I don’t know what it’s like because of covid but the last time we applied I remember hearing stories of interview times filling up. So schedule now, you can pick times more easily that way.
We did interview prep where I asked questions and my kids thought about what they would say. We discussed together, I brought up things to mention. Most kids are really not used to this kind of thing. So make her talk out loud to you.
Start asking for teachers recs now. (Check and see what the schools want first.)
She doesn’t have to complete the “creative” parts of the application yet, but she should start on filling in the basic info. Unless, of course, you’re applying to schools that require that the application be completed before the interview…
I had mentioned elsewhere that George and Groton are doing a webinar on interviews this Monday night. You can find a link on IG (georgeschool or grotonadmission). It might give both of you an idea of how you want to prepare and be an easy way to get the ball rolling.
As for not feeling sure, there’s no harm in applying and deciding in spring. If she doesn’t apply, well…, the decision is made!
We haven’t done this yet because I know some say they don’t want any filled out before December 1. I don’t think we will have trouble getting them done, she and I both have good relationships with the teachers she needs and with the school principal. I think for a few she will need 3 because I think she is going to bag the SSAT. So Math/English, plus we will add her Spanish teacher, who really likes her and she is cruising with an A+ in that class.
I think it would be better if she took the SSAT, but only if she studied quite a bit and I just don’t see that happening. I’m afraid that if I get her to spend a bunch of time on it and then we don’t get a helpful score anyway it will turn her off of the process. I’m kind of walking a tightrope with her. If she could just visit, I’m pretty confident she would be 100% all in. But she still is having a hard time of visualizing how much better things can be than her current situation. So I’m trying to make the application process as painless as possible and hope that this spring we can do an admitted student visit or visits. If I can just get her to that point, I’m 99% sure she is going.
