<p>We just started looking at future schools for my daughter, and I was looking for videos of schools on youtube. One was of a dance or a party at what <em>was</em> one of my daughters top choices. It resembled a rage, and I was shocked. How much "partying" goes on at boarding school these days?</p>
<p>I attended boarding school for high school, and NEVER even saw anything like that then on or off campus. Sadly my old school has closed, or I know where I would want to have her attend school, now I am not sure I want her to go away at all.</p>
<p>Would you mind identifying the school? I assume that the video is on the school’s official You Tube site. If it were not, the reflection on the school might be somewhat different.</p>
<p>When my mom and I went to revisit day, there was a woman who was upset with the fact that boys are allowed in girls’ dorms as long as the door is open and an adult is notified. We both kind of agreed that if you don’t trust your own daughter to follow your rules at boarding school, then don’t let her apply. However, the whole point of boarding school is to become an independent person. Anyways, if you trust her, then let her apply. Of course you’d have to let her know that if you find out that she’s not taking her school work seriously, then she’ll be coming home. If you don’t rust her, then don’t go through the process of applying.</p>
<p>The video is not on the school official website. I typed the school name into youtube hoping to get student videos to get a more real view of the school. It was a dance event teaser. Maybe it is not what it looks like, I can admit that maybe it looks worse than it really is. Or maybe I am just too over-protective to have her attend a co-ed school.</p>
<p>And just to clear this up, I trust my daughter, but as a young adult occasionally her decision making skills may not be up to par with certain expectations. That comes with the age, even the smartest kids sometimes make mistakes.</p>
<p>In order to allow a child to go away to school you have to be able to trust her to make her own decisions and not the decisions that you would make with your many years of experience behind you. In other words, parents have to be willing to allow their kids to make misjudgments, etc. Obviously, I’m not talking about dangerous things. This is what vanboingy should consider, coed or single sex. </p>
<p>Regardless of the school that your d attends, she will be with kids who have been raised in many different kinds of families with many different social norms. You and she have to be ready to adjust to both being appalled at what other parents consider acceptable and appalled at some of the restrictions parents place on their kids. This doesn’t have to do with dances per se, but everything from alcohol use to sexual activity. There may be girls in her dorm who take birth control pills, for instance. There will be kids who use drugs and/or alcohol off campus. Condoms may be available in a big bowl on the counter of the health center. Sincerely consider whether you can deal with that. You should probably ask yourself if you are ready for your child to be exposed to EVERY kind of diversity. If she is particularly sheltered and you would like for her to stay that way, then perhaps you should think long and hard. Fourteen seems a lot younger for some kids than for others. I have an exceptionally mature 15 year old who will likely have to get used to having MORE rules and restrictions at school than she does at home. I give her a great deal of latitude (no set curfew, etc) that some people find a bit too permissive. But I know that she’s got a good head on her shoulders, plenty of moxie, and I trust her to make her own decisions and not simply follow the crowd.</p>
<p>Regarding the dances: I seriously doubt that any of them can come close to some of the concerts my daughter goes to. :)</p>
<p>^^^^
Very good advice and well stated. I am always a little perplexed when I encounter the expectation that boarding schools are somehow immune from the normal “goings on” that one would encounter at any high school. I think those entering with those expectations might be disappointed.</p>
<p>That post was, I think, what I needed to hear. You brought up some points I didn’t consider, but really I do trust my parenting skills and the fact that my child is really not a follower - she never has been.</p>
<p>My daughter is still young, and not ready for boarding school for a few years. maybe by the time she is old enough I will have more confidence that she will make the decisions she should. I mean honestly right now, she not yet even in middle school, and we have just started looking into schools to see if we can afford it. By nature, I am a serious planner, so I started looking recently.</p>
<p>It’s amazing how quickly kids grow and mature - physically and emotionally - in just a few years. By the time your daughter is ready to visit, neither one of you may bat an eye at what you see. You’ve got plenty of time to sort it all out.</p>
<p>I can’t believe some of the outfits I see on girls in my DD’s grade - and I’m talking about the ones who stayed home - whose parents see what they’re wearing every day! At boarding school they seem to wear a lot more clothing.</p>
<p>Dances at boarding schools are generally well chaperoned by teachers who are experienced in the ways of teenagers. I would worry more about the students who don’t attend the dances, but hang out in their rooms.</p>
<p>If your daughter is currently in elementary school, I’ll wager you haven’t visited a high school dance yet? Try to visit one. Or, search on YouTube for “high school dance party.”</p>
<p>THAT was enough to make you decide Groton was no longer her first choice? After the buildup I thought the video was going to be completely outrageous. Meh. Kids like loud music and dancing.</p>
<p>Just a word about these videos… they’re done by the production company for the artist(s) and distributed to students at multiple schools (schools invited to the host school for the event/ dance). The videos, like this one, are made to garner interest and generate ticket sales. Ticket cost can be anywhere between $15-$25.00 depending on the school and who the “talent” is.</p>
<p>Students won’t attend if it looks like a Hannah Montana concert. :)</p>
<p>I consider myself to be pretty old fashioned in a lot of respects when it comes to my children; but honestly I really didn’t think there was anything in that video that was objectionable. This video depicts a pretty standard dance these days.</p>
<p>Haha, I saw that video when I was applying at Groton as well. At every school there are going to be a select group of people who do drugs/party, so you just have to learn to know when to say no. I don’t think the video was extremely bad or anything. There were only like 2 seconds worth of “inappropriate dancing”. I don’t think it’s anything your daughter couldn’t handle, though.</p>