<p>Thanks for reading!
So I am on winter break, and I am actually kinda sad/scared to go back..is that normal?
I liked college, I mean it was nice- being independent learning to things on my own and go somewhere in life. But I have not made tons of friends or even a good close friend, which makes me sad. I sit and worry a lot if I will make good friends and settle perfectly and be happy. But being home has made me realize I missed it here, and I feel so comfortable.
I try to be outgoing and everything, but I can't be fake like some girls I see. And I am NOT one of those peoples who joins clubs and stuff. I just want to be enjoying myself, I know this is a school I really want to be at, I just don't want to be sad and homesick a lot.
Do you think this is perfectly normal and things will get better?|
I always try to think positively, but this one thing worry's me. I do not want to be alone in my room weekends or anything.</p>
<p>What do you mean you’re not one of those people who joins clubs? What reason do ya have for not joining one?</p>
<p>It’s somewhat normal to feel the way you feel, but you gotta realize you’re not gonna make friends if you don’t do stuff.</p>
<p>I just do not feel the need to join any clubs at my school. And it is not like I do not do things, I don’t always sit in my room and sulk. I just feel like when I go out and hang out with people it is more of an effort than with my real friends where you hang out because you know that person and like them.</p>
<p>well surely with your ‘real friends’ you went through that awkward stage where y’all were still getting to know each other, right?</p>
<p>Are you a freshman? Cus it’s totally normal to feel that way. I go to college two hours away from home. My first year, I used to go home every weekend because I was sooo homesick. Eventually I got over being so dependent on my family and started coming home less- like once every 3 weeks instead now (I’m a sophomore). I do realize that no matter the amount of friends you make, you will always miss home because it’s where you feel most comfortable at. Coming back from break, I also felt the same way. Sometimes I even think of transferring to a closer school so I can live at home with my parents and see my siblings daily… But honestly, you’re a grown up now and you need to grow out of that shell and learn to live independently. It will take time, but you’ll be fine.</p>
<p>This sounds exactly like me, and I am also nervous going back. 
In fall it was one thing, but now that it’s winter, I feel like it is quite miserable to walk in the cold, to hard classes, without any companion elsewhere to think of…</p>
<p>My “friends” I had made, over winter break when I try to interact with them on Facebook they’re not friendly and inclusive like before. I feel like I basically got stamped with SEMESTER FRIEND on my forehead by just about everyone…realized that we were not close and everyone has better friends. I also do not join clubs (schedule is too busy anyway), and I spent many a lonesome weekend cooped up in my dorm, so I feel your pain.</p>
<p>Despite all the social people you may see out and about in groups being jolly (do they ever study?), I think it’s pretty normal :P</p>
<p>But it’s not good to be too isolated. Even a few acquaintances, no matter how close, are necessary.
But not being fake and being true to yourself is important too. If you try to turn on some kind of fake personality, you might find yourself feeling just as lonely even with a bunch of friends.
The friends you make that are really good people are more rare, and that is why it’s more special and warm feeling when you are with them.
You will not have to be fake for those kinds of friends, but you have to wait patiently for them and let the relationship bake and simmer slowly.</p>
<p>It may be simply a lonely point in your life, I think it is in mine.
Take the time to enjoy the solitude, focus on grades, self discovery, observe people, pamper myself…that’s what I’m going to do.
Hopefully it will get better as the seasons change</p>
<p>Seems pretty normal to me. I know you said you aren’t the kind of person to join any clubs, but it’s a good idea. I know I just started college, but it’s kind of obvious that you have to put yourself out there to make friends. I really think you should try a club, find a job for a few hours weekly, or volunteer somewhere.</p>
<p>the opposition to joining a group where there will be like-minded people just boggles my mind, but ok</p>
<p>If you are not into a club or activity because of the pressure to be friends, flip it around. You are not joining to make friends. You are joining because it is rewarding/fun/good experience to give back to your community. What is it that you enjoy in your room? Take it to the streets! Our DD is really good with kids, so she signed up for a volunteer project with kids. Yes, she made friends - in fact, the friends she made turned out to be her tightest friends. Not because she joined a club to “make friends” , but because people who liked kids had a joyful fun vibe that she enjoyed. You are special. You have a cluster of gifts to give to the world. Share them, and friends will come naturally. If you don’t want to do a club, volunteer in the community. Take a volunteer job. Take a paid job. Concentrate on what you will give back, and the friends will be a natural byproduct. </p>
<p>That said, I think that second semster freshman year is probably a little daunting for most people. If they had fun, the honeymoon is over, and now they are going back without that natural “everything is wonderful” feeling. You have had several weeks with minimal responsibility and maximal layabout time, and now it is back to the cold winter. Take some time to regroup, think of what you can do now that you have adjusted to the big stuff like meal plans, dorms, and course scheduling, and set some tiny small new goals for yourself involving activity, not people.</p>
<p>Just keep trying. I was feeling about the same way at about this point last year, but made a point to keep seeing my friends–who aren’t not friends because you’re not talking to them over break, just either forgetful, never going to be close friends, or not close friends yet–after, and eventually met a couple of friends through their friends, and friends of friends, and now I have two really close friends and am a member of a couple more groups. I wouldn’t say I really found the first of my “people” until late March, then finally clicked with a bunch who had been sort-of-friends and are now real-friends this September. Yes, some people come into college and find insta-besties, but it takes a lot of the rest of us a few more months. Good luck!</p>
<p>My advice: ignore the social bullsht and focus on your academic passion. Most social relations people form at college are meaningless anyway. I doubt most people keep in touch with anyone from college a few years after graduating, no matter how “close” they were. This is what I learned from a year of putting efforts in trying to socialize and making new friends. After seeing how fruitless it is, I decided to load up on classes starting my second year and push myself to the limit, academically. </p>
<p>Be proud of being in your room during weekends and screw all the people who might judge you for that. You just have to be comfortable with who you are and if that person can’t seem to connect with people at his/her college, so be it. At least you know that there exists a place called home where you can always truly feel comfortable.</p>
<p>^^^I think the social aspect of college is just as, if not more important than the academics.
But this is coming from a HS senior who really wanted a happy active social environment at my college.
I feel like without the stress releasing social time, your gonna crash and burn under all those academics.</p>
<p>Join a club, church, take some lessons in something that interests you. Making friends takes effort and the bond is usually common interests and experiences.
Create a study group and invite a few in your classes.</p>
<p>memaw12:</p>
<p>“I think the social aspect of college is just as, if not more important than the academics.”</p>
<p>Please tell me you’re kidding here. Yes the social aspect may have value to some people, but calling it equally important as academics just screams of a HS kid who has a romanticized view of college.</p>
<p>I do agree that you need to have some form of outlet for stress relief, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be hanging out with people at your college, whose company you don’t even enjoy (how’s that an outlet anyway?).</p>
<p>It’s pretty important. It doesn’t have to revolve around students from your uni but it’s good to at least do something outside of academics. You wanna be an interesting person. Nobody wants to hire a drone who can get great grades but is useless outside of that.</p>
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<p>I tried joining a few clubs I thought I’d be interested in, such as a writing club. I loved writing and was good at it, but the people in that club were NOT like-minded at all! In fact most were the complete opposite of me.</p>
<p>I never really stayed involved in any clubs I joined. It’s not weird to not want to join clubs. I was a commuter at a residential college and it didn’t work at all with my schedule, nor did they have many clubs I was interested in.</p>
<p>If you live on campus, you can introduce yourself to people on your floor. Or chat a lot before or after class (just not during unless you’re given group work 
). Friendships don’t happen overnight, especially close ones. You’ll have to do a lot of talking and offering to go out with people or join in on things to make friends. Clubs are not the absolute only way.</p>
<p>One thing that worked for me when I was in college, was I joined a health club and took classes there ( as opposed to just running on a treadmill). You start to see the same people there every week and it is easy to commiserate about losing weight/getting healthy this time of year. And if you do not meet anyone there you like, it is a great stress relief. Everything you are feeling is perfectly normal. I think the way you feel about home is great, says you were raised in a very loving environment.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the advice everyone (: I do hope to make good friends, but yes the studying and learning aspect is way more important to me! I had to drop a friend actually because she doesn’t care about that and was bringing me down. That’s when I decided I Have to find new good friends who want me to follow my goals ! Very glad to hear your opinions and own experiences.</p>