<p>My essay grades were very, very disappointing. I was very sick that day so my score could not come as a total surprise. Nevertheless I am still focused on improving because this measly scores unfortunately mean so much!</p>
<p>Supply me with your own critiques of my essay: give me a grade, explain why, and especially stress areas for improvement.</p>
<p>ESSAY PROMPT
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment:</p>
<p>People make decisions all the time. Some of these decisions may seem to be minor and inconsequential--whether to read a book or to not attend a meeting--while others are obviously more important. But even though the important decisions are likely to have equally important consequences, people should not treat casually or overlook the small decisions. The so-called small decisions have the greatest impact on our lives.</p>
<p>ASSIGNMENT: Do small decisions often have major consequences? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>
<p>The Butterfly Effect states that small changes in a complex mechanism can easily alter the function of said mechanism. Nothing in life is grandiose; most of life consists of minute yet life-changing decisions.<br>
When I was five, my great-aunt was killed by a drunk drive who was travelling at a speed of 25km over the legal limit with a 0.2 Blood Alcohol Content. That man could have easily made a collection of small decisions to prevent the disaster: 5 less shots, saying "No!" to extra beer, having a designated sober driver, and mostly simply, never getting in the car, starting the ignition and killing a 56 year old woman.
A look into the history of world's most successful surgeons exposes a similar message. Ben Carson was carried through an objectively obstacle-ridden childhood: mothered by an exceptionally street-smart woman yet who only acquired a 3rd grade education; an absentee, malicious polygamous poverty [sic]; abysmal poverty; and growing up in a nefarious negative community. Yet, he still managed to be the first to successfully seperate [sic] craniopagus Siamese twins. Why?
WHY? Those small decisions.
Instead of dedicating his intellectual capacity to yearning for a sharkskin shirt he instead began by reading voraciously about the things that interested him. This long-term collection of small, educationally-minded decisions lead him to become the head of John Hopkins at a mere 33 years old.
Decisions present a dualism - should I think for just this moment or should I think about tomorrow? Long-term planning is a luxury that is fortunately bestowed upon all of us - for better or for worse. Now, we only must make the choice.</p>
<p>My Critiques:
- Great-Aunt story perhaps too personal
- Stupid errors:
Repetition of poverty in lieu of "polygamous father"
Incorrect spelling of separate
Repetition of "Why? WHY?" lolz I found that so histrionic when I read it with a clear mind
- Not long enough
- Begs for a more ostentatious word choice aka more "SAT vocabulary"</p>