<p>^One can walk without dog. I made a lot of friends walking without a dog. I walk 4 miles every day, besides summer - swimming time. I made a lot of friends swimming laps also without a dog. I am saying that it is not for everybody. If enjoys an animal in a house and takes good care of it, go for it… but OP might already have a pet anyway.</p>
<p>This is all good advice, but there is also a natural grieving process for many parents when a child transitions to college.</p>
<p>Yes, you’ll always be his mom, but an era has ended and it seems wise to acknowledge this and allow oneself some time to grieve, if that is part of what is going on.</p>
<p>Easy for me to say…songbird has one more year of hs. When she leaves…to tell you the truth I can’t even think about it at this point, although I am trying to prepare myself.</p>
<p>To be a person, not just a mom is a good idea. We should enjoy our own lives outside of parenthood, which is only part of it. And, besides, you will remain to be a parent, there is still a relationship even if it takes less time. It is very important to me to be busy all the time and enjoy what I am doing. If not, I get in a very bad mood.</p>
<p>I’ve picked up a couple of kids to mentor. I’ve “adopted” my 8 year niece with a Y membership to introduce her to new and different experiences. I’ve also acquired a rising HS freshman - grooming her, her mother and grandmother for madness that is HS senior year (A road-map that I didn’t have!)! I’m just enough involved to care, but I can return the kid after a reasonable time!!</p>
<p>I may pick up a few more kids along the way. :)</p>
<p>My favorite school-linked volunteer activity is band boosters, and it is not at all uncommon for moms to help “just one more year” after their last kid has graduated. Some of the logistics of dealing with a large marching band are so complicated that everyone really really appreciates experienced volunteers sticking around to help during the fall football season after their seniors graduate, since that is the busiest time of year for our band. Is there something like that you can do, something that you know a lot about so you’d be such a great help, something that winds down after the first few months of school? in case you decide it really is not as much fun without a kid in the school…</p>
<p>I wanted to second the idea of working with Girl Scouts. I still help a bit now (with no daughter left at home) and once I am an empty nester, I hope to get back into it even more. I love it and they always need another assistant leader or leader.</p>
<p>I think all of the above posts have given good suggestions, my oldest will be out of house but not far from home her first year of college and I am feeling the grief of letting go even now - my younger D will be a senior next year and I start the whole process over.</p>
<p>My husband and I are softies - if not for the stray cat that adopted us full time a year ago I think we would be actively looking for a child substitute to bridge the gap of full time parenting. If pets are your thing I’d say go for it; the animal shelters are filled with adorable critters looking for love.</p>
<p>I know that when school starts again it will be easier in ways - I work with college bound students at a high school so my work involves much of the same kind of advice I gave my own kids - but there is still a huge change in progress in my life.</p>
<p>Along with finding the things that make you happy on a day to day basis, I think this is a good time to expand/expolore/rediscover the things that you and your husband like to do as a couple (if you’re married). Fathers seem to have a much easier time with the empty nesting (unless they have been the primary caregiver while the child was growing up) but the family dynamic has shifted none the less.</p>
<p>As to your feelings of rejection from parent volunteer activities - I guarantee this was not rejection but the assumption that you wanted to graduate with your senior. If you still want to be involved let them know, but I agree with the post that cautioned the experience won’t be the same for you within a short time.</p>
<p>Best of luck on your new adventures - whatever those turn out to be!</p>
<p>my son will be leaving (8 hours away) this fall as well, so i’m right there with you! i have a plan in place, but i know i’ll miss his daily presence regardless. </p>
<p>ultimately, there’s not much u–or any of us who are in the same situation–can do but move through the emotions. i’m really glad that his school has a support network (they seem to really ‘get’ that this transition is a big one for everyone involved). i know that my life will be uncomfortable for a while… and that he and i will be okay.</p>
<p>so climb up out of that “trash heap”. u are still very much loved and needed! :-)</p>
<p>I can’t believe no one has directed you to the Empty Nest thread, which is a sticky on the Parent’s Cafe.
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/681300-so-what-do-you-do-empty-nest.html?highlight=empty+nest[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/681300-so-what-do-you-do-empty-nest.html?highlight=empty+nest</a></p>
<p>I still have one of my volunteer jobs at the high school, even though my D graduated in 2009. I did give up all the band volunteer jobs, though.</p>
<p>I found that as soon as my last kid went off to college, all of my friends in their 80s started needing more help. No rest for me!</p>
<p>Lots of good advice. Most everyone will admit that when there is a major life change the disruption in the routine and familiarity of co-workers or those that you came in contact with is unsettling. For the mom-moms (and I say that affectionately) often their “job”, their daily “routine” was centered around their children just as for others it is the building and the co-workers that add the contextual stablity. Like many said, schools still need volunteers…you just need to figure out if it was the “school” and volunteering that was the primary love or if it was the connection to the kids. Do take some time to “mourn” your life change, but simultaneously you should try to identify what you need to make you feel settled and happy with your life. Try some things on for size, a different organization that can use your skills, a hobby, a project you never got to…something will click somewhere and you will have that replacement. Do not be upset that you weren’t “included” as I’m sure the group simply thought that you were ready to move on like your child. Perhaps let them know you’re not quite ready to toss in the towel…although you may find that indeed you were ready to move on.</p>
<p>I’m not quite at the empty nest stage but my oldest will be going off in August. D2 will be a sophomore in HS. I definitely feel that I am coming to a crossroads in terms of my life. I did return to school & finished my Masters Degree 2 years ago, so I am in the early stages of a new career which helps as most of my time before that was volunteer oriented in organizations that my kids were part of.</p>
<p>I am stepping out of another volunteer role this coming year and I am taking some time to think about what I want to do. A lot of things I did in the past 18 years were due in some part to obligation because my kids were involved. I’m trying to be mindful about what activities are meaningful to me and that I can add value to. I don’t want to get back into that trap of saying yes out of obligation.</p>
<p>And I have a deposit on a ragdoll kitten that is due in July :)</p>
<p>There is a good book called “Empty nest, full heart” that takes one through the high school senior year and the freshman year at college. </p>
<p>Please do work hard at defining yourself as yourself and not as “so and so’s Mom”. I am always uncomfortable by the parents that drop off kids at college (or summer camp!) with much hystronics and tears. It is an open invitation for the kid to fail (and to come home to welcome arms to . . . live in the basement and get a university degree by mail). </p>
<p>You’ve done a good job supporting your child – do a BETTER job now and let him launch without him having to bear the burden of your fragile emotional state. </p>
<p>Now is a great time to sign yourself up for something that is just a wee bit scary (accounting? skydiving? ball room dancing?). If you do go for a dog, try agility training (great exercise and wonderful for the dog). By challenging yourself you will be focusing your brain elsewhere and sending a clear message to your kid that you are not going to be a burden come September. </p>
<p>Ruefully, I feel I should mention that some recently graduated seniors are . . . an arrogant, difficult handful during the summer. I have known more than one doting set of parents who were mightily ready to help offspring pack his/her bags by the end of the summer. That’s a tough path but . . . don’t be surprised.</p>
<p>I am sad about one kid heading off to college, 2000 miles away. But having the older kid back home after unsuccessful attempt at college puts it all in perspective. </p>
<p>At our high school I see parents volunteering after their students are long gone. I know their dedication and expertise is much appreciated.</p>
<p>My children are now 16 and 19. In April I chaperoned a middle school field trip. Why? Because I love my children’s former teacher, they don’t have money for a bus and rely on parent drivers, and they go cool places. I go with them to see plays (usually Shakespeare) or classical concerts or ballets. The teacher knows I enjoy going and as a chaperone I get in free. I also find it much easier to do when none of my own kids are involved. I doubt I’ll continue doing it once this teacher retires, but she always calls me or emails me to see if I want to go. I have a blast!</p>
<p>There were other activities my now college-aged daughter was involved in that I thought I’d miss - she is a ballet dancer and I was on the board and we both spent inordinate amounts of time and energy at the studio. But I’ve found the transition to be easier than I thought.</p>
<p>I understand just where you are coming from. I was the super volunteer for my son’s elementary school, very involved in Middle School and was able to help with the band parents in both Middle and High School. An abrupt change came at the end of freshman year when son said that he didn’t want to do band anymore. What?? I love band! They need me!! I resisted all urges to keep helping and quickly passed on as much information as I had (I was the President of the booster group about for 6 years) and made myself available for any questions. It was hard but I found that there were other groups that needed help (Robotics) and I also focused more on MY interests. I am not in favor of parents lingering on after their kids are done with an activity. I’ve found that this discourages newcomers who think they really aren’t needed. Write it down, pass it on and cheer on the new ideas!</p>
<p>I work at a small library and we are always in need of volunteers and really like getting people my age since they can shelve anywhere in the library and can often come in during the day when we need them. There are so many community groups that are absolutely desperate for volunteers. My father, at age 80, is the President of both his local Lions club and the friends group at his library because no one else will step up to the plate.</p>
<p>Maybe it’s not the volunteering you will miss as much as the friends that you made. Plan some social “fun” events so that you keep in touch.</p>