<p>Alright so I’m from Illinois and my mom can’t stand the fact that I’m thinking about attending Alabama. She keeps bringing up different colleges in Illinois and makes me visit them. I honestly haven’t really liked any of them yet or had “the feeling” so I have continued to talk to her about Alabama. She thinks it’s too far away and I wouldn’t come home very often. About how many times would I be able to come home a semester? Also, she doesn’t think I will feel comfortable because of the size of the school. I am shy at first, but I usually get comfortable after a while and break out of my shell. I guess I’m just needing some pros of Alabama that will maybe make my mom feel a bit better. Thanks guys!</p>
<p>She thinks it’s too far away and I wouldn’t come home very often. About how many times would I be able to come home a semester</p>
<p>frankly, no matter where you go to college, even instate, you shouldn’t be going home a lot during a semester. You’ll be in college, you’ll be involved with college stuff. </p>
<p>If you go home too much (no matter where you go to college), then you won’t “get involved” and make friends/relationships…so that’s not good.</p>
<p>Your mom is suffering from some empty-nest fears - that’s normal. Once you’re in college, she’ll get used to you being gone a lot. </p>
<p>As for coming home during Fall Semester…you “could” home Labor Day Weekend, Fall Break, Thanksgiving Break, and Christmas…but would you want to go home that often in one semester?</p>
<p>coming from illinois, you would probably go home only at fall break, thanksgiving and christmas at the most. if you have made good friends, you might want to do something with them for fall break. thanksgiving break is very close to the end of the semester, so going home then is a little questionable. if money is not a problem, you can go, but if money IS a problem, you might want to wait till the semester ends.</p>
<p>my kid is from far away (texas), as well. the most she has ever come home is two times in one semester.</p>
<p>We’re from Illinois (in between Chicago and Milwaukee) and during her freshman year, my D came home for fall break, Thanksgiving break and winter break. She joined us on vacation during spring break. This year (her soph year), she came home for Thanksgiving and winter break, and will likely join us on vacation for spring break again. I know plenty of kids who are in school just a few hours away who don’t get home as often as my D does. In fact, when we met with the GC during her senior year of HS and SHE was concerned about going far away, the GC mentioned that in general kids in our area who go away to school come home at most 4 times a year - and then he added that the kids who make it home 3 or 4 times are the ones who go to Northwestern (which is about 25 minutes away!). Your mother might be surprised to learn that a shorter distance from home doesn’t translate into more frequent visits.</p>
<p>Also, my D is another one who is shy at first, and she had no problems acclimating at Alabama. She did Outdoor Action the week before school started and had a group of friends in place before regular move-in even occurred. The school has a number of events, both before most students arrive and during the Week of Welcome, that help you meet people and get comfortable with the campus. I’ve often heard the University of Alabama referred to as “the smallest big school out there,” and we’ve found that to be the case. In our experience, teachers and administrators really care about the students.</p>
<p>Remind her that in the end, it’s your college experience and that (like others have said) you might not visit more frequently just because you’re home more often. My sister went from Texas to Chicago and she came home just as much as her friends who went to UT. I’m sure that if you’re so interested in bama that there’s one or more major reasons why you love the school so much; let your mom know that.
My mom was the same way as yours and she was very strongly for Baylor, which is an hour and a half away from home. After I’ve spoken with her a lot about the matter and we visited Alabama (which is really important to do) we both felt that UA was the right pick.
Good luck to you and go with what feels right. Everything else will follow:)</p>
<p>I’m in the exact same boat as ACT hater…
Tonight my mom and I had a heated discussion about finances. I explained how little Bama would cost me (presi and eng’g $). Mizzou is where she wants me to go. But it is 3x as expensive. She is a severe case of empty nest, and I’m afraid she literally won’t let me go.</p>
<p>Are either of your parents active at all on CC? I think we are a very persuasive group of moms and dads! But here is what I’ll say as a mom. It was very hard of me to let go of my first child, who is a junior at Alabama. We had a uniquely close relationship because she is a triathlete and we had spent a lot of time traveling to races around the country with me as coach, Sherpa, nutritionist, massage therapist, and cheerleader. It is indeed possible to cry for 4 straight hours without stopping (the length of time it took us to drive back to Atlanta after we moved her in). But within 2 weeks, it was obvious that she was going to thrive at Alabama – she was happier than she had ever been in high school, even with her academic and athletic successes. And I was able to let go of worry and fear at that point, because I could see what a positive experience college was going to be for her. Be patient with your parents – letting go is hard for us. In your conversations, focus on what you see to be the positives of Alabama and let them know how you plan to become involved and engaged. I hope they will be willing to listen to you and consider what you’re saying!</p>
<p>I’m in the exact same boat as ACT hater…
Tonight my mom and I had a heated discussion about finances. I explained how little Bama would cost me (presi and eng’g $). Mizzou is where she wants me to go. But it is 3x as expensive. She is a severe case of empty nest, and I’m afraid she literally won’t let me go.</p>
<p>If I remember correctly, you’ve posted that your family has an income of around $60k. How are you supposed to pay for Mizzou? Is your mom expecting you to take out big loans just so that you can be “closer” to her?</p>
<p>Ether way, stop arguing. Be calm, be adult…discuss based on facts. And one fact is that unless your parents are going to hand over the entire amount for you to attend Mizzou, then it’s just not going to be affordable. Another fact is that even if you went to Mizzou, you’re still not going to be home (you live in IL). She’s still not going to see you much.</p>
<p>Either way, she’s going to see you with skype. ;)</p>
<p>This was the OP’s question:</p>
<p>how many times would I be able to come home a semester</p>
<p>the question isn’t how many times other kids are coming home. Most other kids aren’t dealing with a mom who is freaking out and expecting frequent visits. </p>
<p>The truth is that during the FALL semester, you COULD go home Labor Day Weekend, Fall Break, Tgiving and Christmas. And, your parents could visit YOU on Family Weekend or some other weekend. </p>
<p>If my mom was freaking out, I wouldn’t be saying that I’m hardly ever coming home…that will just make her more upset. </p>
<p>However (and, again, I wouldn’t say this to your mom), in truth, once you’re in college, your mom is going to calm down, and she’s going to see that it’s a big hassle to come home for long weekends anyway…no matter where you go to college.</p>
<p>When my kids were in college, they were only 2 1/2 hours away. So, you’d think that coming home on weekends was easy with lots of time together. It wasn’t. They had activities, but also, by the time they’d get home on Friday nights, they’d be pooped. They’d sleep in on Saturday, we’d do something Saturday afternoon, on Saturday evenings they’d see local friends, and then Sunday they’d sleep in, go to later church with us, and then leave to return to school. </p>
<p>Really, not much time together…nice but not really what you’d think it would be like.</p>
<p>Coming from an IL mom who was just like your mother a few months ago, I have to second what Whitlo has said. My D is a HS senior, and we have not made that final decision yet. IL is very far from Alabama. It is hard to accept that my daughter may not need me, and would be SO far away, that in an emergency, I will need to rely on someone else to help her. Have your mom check out the Bama CC threads. There is such a comfort knowing that there is a supportive community ready to help in any way possible. The information that she will glean from these threads will help her understand why you think that Alabama is the right choice for you.</p>
<p>Caution: Do NOT let her start with the thread that appears on the top about “what I wish I had known,” or whatever it is called. That is best saved for a day when she has a big box of chocolate and has purchased Kleenex from Costco. That thread does apply to most schools, but will make her sob and ball so much that she will not be able to have a reasonable discussion with anyone about anything for a good week.</p>
<p>Sometimes it is the loss of our dream for our children (or ourselves) that makes it hard to see alternatives to what is already in our minds. Think about why you had that feeling at Alabama. Was it the beauty of the campus? The friendliness of the people? What didn’t you like about the schools in IL? Once you can articulate the reasons that YOU feel it is the right fit, it may help her to be more open to the idea. Telling her Pros that others have come up with, but that are not important to you, may make her feel that you are just trying to convince her, rather than help her to see the true reasons.</p>
<p>Nickm56 we too are from missouri and amazed at the merit aid given by out of state schools. I think you are correct to consider alabama, we have. THe savings in tuition will allow for a plane ticket home more often. Mu will only give half of most of these oos schools x 4 years is a huge debt to avoid. I was not on board until we went to a presentation and visited the school. Huge opportunity at half the price!! Honors college, great internship possibilities etc. all the others who posted already are correct, if you are involved in college you won’t be coming home every weekend just 3-4 times as previously stated. Last year mu had a decline in the freshman class for the first time in years and I truly believe it is because oos schools are recruiting bright students with these generous packages. Unless you are going into journalism it’s crazy not to consider all of them. I think you are considering all the correct details.</p>
<p>^^
I don’t think Nick is from Missouri. I think he’s from Illinois. So, he’d being going OOS whether he goes to Mizzou or Bama. I think his mom is preferring Mizzou simply because it’s “closer”…however it’s still a bit of a distance.</p>
<p>I hate to take away the focus of the thread from OP, but yes M2CK the only way I could afford Mizzou is to go to Southeast Missouri State (full ride) and transfer after one or two years. I am finally visiting Alabama this coming Thursday, and I sincerely hope my mom loves it, or I will be in for a very long 7 months.</p>
<p>I’m just a little closer to campus being from Indiana, during my son’s first year, I saw him almost once per month. I went down for move in weekend in August to help him buy books and get settled, I went back for Family Weekend in September with my parents to visit, my son came home for fall break in October, he came home for Thanksgiving in November, he came home for the winter break in December and returned in January, I went down for another visit over President’s Day weekend in February, my son came home for spring break in March…then April, I didn’t see him in April, but knew that I was going back down in early May to help him move out.</p>
<p>This year I didn’t go down for Parent’s weekend, so I didn’t see him in September, but I did go down for a different game weekend, so I’ll see him just as many times, they’re just a little more bunched together this year.</p>
<p>Back when I went to college, my parents lived less than 60 miles from my campus, but we weren’t really close and I had two younger siblings at home that occupied my mom’s time, so although my son is 500 miles away, I think I see him more than I saw my parents when I was a college student. If you have a close relationship, you’ll find a way to make the distance work.</p>
<p>I too worry about emergencies. When I get a call from the school’s automated line or my son borrows a friend’s phone because his is lost or broken and I see a call from a number I don’t recognize from Alabama, my heart skips a beat (or two) and I take a DEEP breath before I answer, but so far there’s never been a need to panic. </p>
<p>I was also a very shy/quiet student that went to a large state flagship and I LOVED my college experience. A big college is much like living in a big city. Sure you see lots of people every day that you’ve never met, but you also see many of the same people every day - those you live near, those that you are in classes with, those that you work or are involved in activities with. Even on a large campus, it’s surprising how often you run into people you know and that makes it feel much smaller.</p>
<p>These clingy moms need to get a life.</p>
<p>Force the issue. Tell her where you have decided to go and make her tell you no.</p>
<p>*I hate to take away the focus of the thread from OP, but yes M2CK the only way I could afford Mizzou is to go to Southeast Missouri State (full ride) and transfer after one or two years. *</p>
<p>Isn’t Mizzou about $35k-40k OOS? So, if you transfer there after 1-2 years, where will the $70k-120k come from? You won’t get merit at that point. I think that if you go to SE Missouri State on a full-ride, your parents are going to realize that they can’t pay full freight for the last 2-3 years…and you’ll have to stay at that school. </p>
<p>I am finally visiting Alabama this coming Thursday, and I sincerely hope my mom loves it, or I will be in for a very long 7 months.</p>
<p>Did the Honors College set up your visit? How long will you be in Tuscaloosa?</p>
<p>Has your mom heard of Skype? These days it’s not such a big deal going to school far from home. We text with DS from NY almost every day, and Skype frequently. Probably just as much real focused time with him as we had when he was in high school. For the record, freshman year he stayed for fall break, came home Tues to Fri for thanksgiving (had to get back for the Iron Bowl), Christmas break, and met us in Florida for a spring break family cruise. Sophomore (this) year he just came home for Christmas break. He stayed for fall break, and went to his roommate’s house in FL for Thanksgiving. He also came home one weekend for a family function. Bottom line, I don’t think it would be any different if he was at a closer school.</p>
<p>Skyping and text/cell phone use really makes a huge difference. I keep in touch with my Calif family on a near-daily basis. So when I do physically see them, it doesn’t feel like I haven’t seen them in awhile. It feels like I’ve just been with them. </p>
<p>Senior year can be very emotional…you’re graduating, you’re moving on to the next level, and so forth…but it’s all part of growing up. You may end up with a job that takes you across the country. You may marry someone whose job takes you across the country. You’re not always going to be able to be 'near mom"…and mom needs to understand that.</p>
<p>Thanks everyone! I’m thinking I’ll have to have my mom create a CC account. All of you are so encouraging and full of knowledge that I think once she talks to some of you, she’ll jump on board.</p>
<p>Best of luck to you!</p>