<p>It isn’t all that uncommon for someone to be 17 and entering college. However, it does kind of limit you, and you are still not legally an adult. And although I’ve met some mature 17 year olds, I have found that some are immature and act like they are in still high school. </p>
<p>The problem I would have with sending a kid of to college at that age is the legal burden of still being considered responsible for that child. But that’s jmo.</p>
<p>Yes, just reading your posting I could conclude that you show certain maturity for your age…just a reservation and it is that we are not your parents and only they know you well and if they have a doubt for certain reasons, that will not be for losing you a year earlier or because they will miss you (natural emotions), then they have to decide accordingly:</p>
<p>Parents need to ask:</p>
<p>-Have my kid show maturity?
-Is he committed to his studies and education?
-Does he consider a priority the studies than games and distractions?
-Is he mature enough to endure distance?
-Can he manage a debit card?
-Is he responsible and has ethics?
-Do we know that the “reasons” to go to college early are positive ones?
-What are the motivations to go early? If it is for improvement and pursuing a degree?
-Can he overcome peer pressure—Very Important!!! </p>
<p>It is not that you change now …they should know already the answers to all these questions. </p>
<p>There is not too much difference between 17 and 18 and in answering all these questions and more your parents know if you are ready or not. Whatever decision they take you must respect. They know you more than yourself…
Your parents know you better…so the last word will come from them.</p>
<p>In the state where my college is located, one has to be 19 for a lot of things that are 18+ in other states, so most freshmen are in the same boat in terms of age restrictions. I have college friends that are younger (17 for much of freshman year), but mature, so if you can meet Greenery’s list of characteristics of maturity, you should be fine.</p>
<p>As for the IS, OOS college issue, I view that more as your parents wanting you to do what they dreamed for you to do than it is a maturity issue. Yes, there is a maturity issue present, but it doesn’t necessarily have to do with age per se. I was reading an article recently and it listed Gainesville as very gay-friendly when compared to other cities. IIRC, Atlanta topped the list as most gay-friendly even though Georgia does not have the most gay-friendly laws.</p>
<p>Having older friends is often a sign of maturity because you are hanging around people who have already “been there, done that.”</p>
<p>LMU - I’m glad you have friends, and I’m glad that you understand the preventive practices that you need to take (which may change, so keep up with it!) - but beware of balance of power issues when your friends or romantic partners are older than you. I am glad that in college you will be surrounded by peers closer to your age. And, I could tell that there are deeper family issues going on here…I still think that counseling would be helpful, even if it is counseling that you seek yourself at your college counseling center. Your growth, development and healthy adjustment as a person would benefit.</p>
<p>Greenery I really liked your post but I don’t know if I’d say that my parents know me better than I do. They have not been very involved in my life as of the past couple years, we don’t talk often or have family dinners even together (except on a rare occasion). They always say your parents know what’s best for you, but I don’t think that’s true in this case. They aren’t paying attention to what possible educational opportunities that will come. I don’t get how they don’t understand that my education is so important to me, I think the main problem is I’m going to start my life and after two of my siblings have had the opportunity to do things with their lives, they are not fulfilling up to those expectations. I am going to be successful and they know that, so why won’t they let me go where I want to go to school? I care about my schooling, my parents know very little. They couldn’t tell you what courses I’m taking now. Do you sense a problem?</p>
<p>“I still think that counseling would be helpful, even if it is counseling that you seek yourself at your college counseling center. Your growth, development and healthy adjustment as a person would benefit.” - I think you’re spot on, levirm. I used to have a couple teachers that I would call on a regular basis, and even had a few house visits. They acted sort of as counselors I guess, they know more about me than pretty much anyone does. They have been nothing but encouraging during this whole process, and know of all of the family issues. They’re both female, maybe I was seeking a maternal figure? I don’t know, but getting their advice really helped.</p>
<p>My daughter is 17 and won’t turn 18 until after her first college semester. Basically, after high school graduation I will treat her as an adult. Fortunately, she is rather mature for her age, although mature for a 17 year old is a lot different than being 25, but in any case, she is more mature than most of her peers. (I can attest to this as I teach students her age.)</p>
<p>Additionally, my husband and I are Gators and always thought our children would go to UF, but our son went to UCF and our daughter will attend Auburn (13+ hours away). Merit scholarship offers was the deciding factor. </p>
<p>Maybe your parents don’t see you as mature as you see yourself or maybe they worry about you going away and being severely harnessed because of your orientation and that they won’t be close by to help you. Last, maybe they just don’t want to see you take on a lot of student loans, more than what you would have if you went to UF and they are using the “age” excuse?</p>
<p>“Maybe your parents don’t see you as mature as you see yourself or maybe they worry about you going away and being severely harnessed because of your orientation and that they won’t be close by to help you. Last, maybe they just don’t want to see you take on a lot of student loans, more than what you would have if you went to UF and they are using the “age” excuse?”</p>
<p>I doubt they care about me being harassed because of my orientation. If that was the issue, they would talk to me about it now and ask if anything was wrong. I have been in the situation where I was subject to emotional abuse about my orientation, but that was freshman year and I made it through myself, with no help from them. I’m okay with who I am, and I’m pretty sure they know that. I am not going to just randomly bring up one day, so hey mom about me being gay, what do you think? I mean you haven’t said anything the past three years about it, so I figured I’d ask ya now… No I don’t think so. I guess they like the whole “don’t ask don’t tell” thing??</p>
<p>Also, they really don’t know anything about UF except that I got accepted, and money is basically irrelevant. When I told them my financial aid package was 51k$, they didn’t really say anything. Shrugged it off.</p>
<p>And here’s the kicker, I forgot to mention this. If I am going to UF, I’m probably going to end up living OFF campus. And they are okay with that! It’s another topic, and too much explanation to why I am living off, but I just find it ironic that they are okay with it. Yet when I told them that I would be living on campus if I do go out of state at a respectable private school, it didn’t matter.</p>
<p>I don’t know what to tell you except that if I were going to UF in the fall I would want to also live off campus. Many of the dorms haven’t changed much since I graduated. 
I also mentioned the orientation fear because my baby sister is gay and lives many miles away from my parents and that was an initial concern for my dad (dad wanting to protect his little girl), but she ended up moving to a very gay-friendly city.</p>
<p>If you ended up going to UF I am sure they have an established gay community where you could meet a lot of friends. Do you want to attend out-of-state to minimize running into former high school classmates since you haven’t enjoyed high school? I can very much understand that.</p>
<p>I mean it’s not really an issue though. I’m not rejecting UF because of not wanting to be near my classmates, it’s just because I want to get out of Florida in general. I don’t really care if my classmates end up at UF or I ever see them again, the ones I care about I stay in contact with, that’s how it pretty much goes this year.</p>
<p>Anyway, I’m probably going to end up at UF, I just have this weeeeee bit of hope that I will get to go out of state. For good(ish) news, I was waitlisted by Wash U in St. Louis. I’m very happy cause I thought I was a rejection for sure, not too stellar of an applicant. Talked about being gay, maybe it helped.</p>
<p>Hello Everyone! Thanks for listening to my story, I’m just coming to give everyone an update on where I’m going.</p>
<p>Sadly, I was rejected by Vassar. Despite the bad news, I’m in consideration with four schools. University of Southern Cali (USC, my top choice), U of Florida (eww, haha), U of Rochester, and Boston University. I’m waiting on financial aid from USC and BU, but I’m expecting a nice package from USC like I received from Rochester.</p>
<p>My parents are willing to consider USC, but they are not happy about it. I think they realized that this is what I have earned and that if it is financially possible, I should go where I want to go. On the other hand, my mother is still pushing UF and I am not happy in the manor she is doing it.</p>
<p>Parents, I seriously need an opinion on this. My mother comes up to me and goes, "We’re going to UF the day before your birthday, which means you can’t go to school that day (this is in Late April), and any other plans you have need to be canceled. She’s already scheduled the tour before I even knew we were going. I already have conflicting events that night (both are school related) AND I don’t know what I’m going to be doing in school that day. Does she not understand that things happen unpredictably in school, and missing a certain class could take 10% off your grade easy in a college course? I found it extremely rude the way she approached me, telling me I can’t go to school this day and what not. I’ve done this for me, and before I mentioned any OOS school they have showed no interest in my future plans and goals in college. Anyway, I’m probably not going to tour that day. She told me that’s the only day her and one of our family members can make it up there. Well, too damn bad? I’m sorry, I don’t like to be rude, but how would she like it if someone approached her saying you can’t go to work this day, because we’re going here. If you haven’t cared about my education in the 11 years I’ve been in school, you don’t deserve to have a say now. That’s how I feel.</p>
<p>How many 16 year olds have gotten in to SC?? There are 18 year old (and more qualified than me even) seniors on here that are killing to get in to USC. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. I have my own life to live, and I’ve earned it.</p>
<p>I’m sorry to rant everyone. Here is my proposed question. If adequate financial aid is given, should I tell my mom that I’m not going to UF and I’m not going to tour no matter what (unless it’s on a day I can work with)? If she says I can’t go to USC, I’m going nowhere next year, I’ll sit at home and work and re-apply next year. This way, I can go to USC legally with no boundaries.</p>
<p>What’s ironic ----- my older brother and sister moved out at 17!!! My brother had an early birthday, and my sister and mother couldn’t get along (fights although they rarely got physical). Anyway, I’m just mad and needed to vent.</p>
<p>Thankfully, you’ll be 17 very soon, so USC will not be admitting a 16 year old (altho they probably have in the past.)</p>
<p>I would tell my parents that you don’t want to miss school for the UF visit. If they “force” the issue, that’s not a good idea since teens have a way of being very difficult when forced to do something.</p>
<p>Hats off, LMU10! You’re quite a guy and have worked hard to achieve a lot.</p>
<p>As a parent, I’m trying to get a handle on what your mom and dad might be thinking. 1-Almost all parents struggle to some degree with loss of control issues when kids are making college choices. 2-Your parents have an added burden, which is acceptance of facts they might interpret as negating their role as parents, e.g., you’ve earned great life success at a young age with modest assistance from them, you don’t need them to be parents anymore in the traditional sense of providing fiscal support and you don’t value their opinions or seek their guidance on college choices and other issues. So…they have to sort out how all of this makes them feel as parents, what positive contribution to your success they can take credit for making and how they can be meaningfully stay involved in your life.</p>
<p>Those are pretty big issues and feelings, and based on your comments, it doesn’t sound like your issues are the only issues at play here. So maybe they’re not dealing with this very well right now… </p>
<p>Take the squabble over the UF visit. Isn’t it possible it’s really just a power play borne of presumed feelings of loss of parental authority and influence vs. your own stubborn pushback on UF? And the twist of the other family member going along points up the fact you may have failed to give you parents talking points on your other choices. If their familiarity with “other good schools” doesn’t go far beyond “Harvard & Yale,” then naturally, they are stuck on UF as the default best college a Floridian would choose for their boy genius. They need bragging rights. You’ve gotta get them to a place where your #1 choice school sounds way better than UF!</p>
<p>To move things off dead center, you may have take a different approach, e.g.,</p>
<p>-Keep your UF evaluation objective; when you dig in your heels so hard, you are just playing to the emotional tug-of-war.
-What skin is it off your back…really?..to just go on the UF visit when your mom wants to go? It’s clear it’s not that big of a deal for you to miss day or evening (2 school things on one night = normal stuff, not like starring role in school play, and you’re just laying it on thick about missing a college class, work that out with the prof in advance).
-Tell them you want their help evaluating your offers, and involve them with your pros/cons lists or comparison spreadsheets, get them on the computer with you looking at the OOS college websites, USNews rankings, etc.
-Show them you need their love and emotional support and always will. </p>
<p>I dunno, you’ll know what to do…but I’m betting if you give them a way to feel more involved and “feel the love,” their attitude toward your OOS plan will change.</p>
<p>And for sure, enlist help from both your college and HS! </p>
<p>As soon as all the FA pkgs arrive and you have decided your #1 school, call your Admission Officer to explain why your acceptance is in jeopardy and ask him/her to call your parents, rave about the college/your fit/the feat of you being accepted considering selectivity, age, etc., and ice the cake with how amazingly ample the FA being extended is compared to averages, what it means in today’s economy, etc. </p>
<p>And get your principal or HS counselor to call them, too, “Congrats, Mr. & Mrs., I know how proud you must be of your son, we certainly are here at HS, don’t see many like him, he’s going to be a great ambassador for HS and Our Town, we want to make sure you will be here for Senior Awards night so we can get some pictures,” blah blah blah.</p>
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<p>If worse comes to work, instead of sitting out the next year and having to go through the pain of re-applying, at least explore the opportunity for deferred admission. I don’t think a college can defer your admission AND guarantee the same FA pkg., but explore this with your OOS schools–you never know, they may be able to offer some very reassuring info about your probable FA pkg. one year hence. Of course, assuming you’d work during the year off, your increased earnings might impact that future FA pkg., although your net should actually be lower than at present assuming you move out? You’ve developed a keen understanding of how FA works and applies to your individual financial situation, so I’m sure you’d be able to assess the situation. </p>
<p>Colleges routinely grant gap year requests. Usually, all that’s required is a deposit to hold your place in the class (it might be waived in your case) + your agreement to matriculate the next August & not attend any other school during the gap year (with special exceptions, e.g., continuing foreign language classes).</p>
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<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>As a high school teacher I feel there are too many parents who feel that it is okay to plan vacations during the school year. It is very difficult to not say what I really want to say at the end of a quarter when a parent raises cane that their child, who has missed quite a bit of school, needs extra help to get caught up.</p>
<p>17 is not an uncommon age to start college.
Anyone born from Aug through Dec will go to school at age 17.
For those that graduate early, skipped a grade, etc, any of them that were born between Jan and Aug will have recently turned 17.</p>
<p>Both my husband and I were 17 when we entered college. Both went away from home.</p>
<p>proud_mom, I’m glad you are such a conscientious HS teacher. I agree taking kids out of school for vacation is generally a poor idea.</p>
<p>But this is a senior taking one day for a college visit (his first)–doesn’t your HS allow a limited number of excused absences to support the college admission process? Ours allows 2 days.</p>
<p>(I don’t sense the OP has absenteeism or “keeping up” problems, either. You may not have read about his work ethic and the college offers it has produced.)</p>
<p>LMU10, your break my heart, my daughter went to college at 17 with no issues. I would let you go, you sound more ready than most kids I know.</p>
<p>Get accepted then defer one year probably is a good idea, save some money for later use.</p>
<p>TX - I told my mom the day for sure wouldn’t work. So, we are rescheduling maybe. I was willing to go Friday since I don’t have school with a friend, just to go. But my mom really wants to go, so idk. We’ll see. </p>
<p>You’re right on with the UF < Harvard and Yale and that’s about it. They’re not very knowledgeable. My dad is a huge sports fan, and those only has sports knowledge on USC. He can sing their fight song, lol.</p>
<p>There seriously would have been an issue with missing the class My math teacher isn’t very understanding, and if there’s a quiz (she randomly quizzes, never planned…) or a test, I’ll be in trouble. You can’t make either of those up. Plus, the teacher is way behind the syllabus that we were given, so we have no idea what lesson is being taught what day. Kinda stinks, but that’s life in college it seems.</p>
<p>The only thing is I’m not sure if USC allows to defer admission. However, I have a special case and I think schools would be willing to work with me. Thanks for the post, it was very insightful.</p>
<p>We’ll see. It’ll be about a week until my USC package comes in! Can’t waitttttttt!</p>
<p>It really sounds as if the issues here are not age or orientation. Do they feel that your major is best learned at UF?</p>
<p>Both my children will be 17 when they leave home for college. I did that too. I know it works. My big hesitancy is that some of the colleges that my son is interested in do not have on-campus housing and getting an apartment at 17 can be harder. I have suggested that we will need to get someone over 18 to stay with him until his birthday if it becomes a barrier. He’s not thrilled with that, but it’s a small price to pay for some of the great schools he’s looking at.</p>
<p>I know you are practically an adult, but let your parents in on your plans. Perhaps some of the tour of UF problems could have been mitigated, if you had let them know your schedule ahead of time. I know they shouldn’t schedule dates in a vacuum either, but since you are still at home, it is a courtesy that may garner you some of the benefits you want. This is a tricky time, but it is helped by opening up communication on both sides. You can make that first step, even if you feel it should be theirs. It will speak well of your maturity to them, and help you make your case in the future.</p>
<p>I know my son and I have had some heated discussions. It’s when we have presumed something about the other’s actions or understanding, instead of asking and listening, that it happens. Best of Luck to you, it sounds like you have some really good choices ahead of you. :)</p>