I'm under 18, my parents won't let me leave.

<p>So I am an incoming Senior this year, with semi-decent marks
I qualify for Bright Futures, so basically any public college in Florida is free for me.</p>

<p>But my parent's refuse to allow me to go away to school. I want to attend FSU which is in Tallahassee about a 7 hour drive away from home, but my dad won't even hear of it. He refuses to even allow me to APPLY, let alone attend if I were to get accepted.</p>

<p>My family thinks that as a 17 year old girl I should not live on my own. And if I were to leave my dad would follow me, cause a scene, and FORCE me to go back home with him.</p>

<p>I guess my question is, what should I do? Should I listen to my parents and go to the local crappy school, or should I leave on my own? Grow up? Make my own decisions? Then again, considering I will still be 17 when the semester starts, how many legal rights do they have over me?</p>

<p>Or should I wait and apply for January 2009? My parents have no problem with me taking a semester off, so after that "break" I make a run for it?</p>

<p>Don't get me wrong I love my family very much, but I don't want to be brought down to a bad school when I could go to a much better one. Yet, I fear that my family will disown me if I leave, and not speak to me for years to come.</p>

<p>Find a family member your Dad will be willing to listen to, and as them to talk to your parents. Many kids start college at 17, or even younger. It is completely reasonable and not that unusual.</p>

<p>A few questions come to mind here:</p>

<ol>
<li><p>Is Bright Futures still available to you if you wait a year? This is probably the most important question of all. </p></li>
<li><p>Would your parents be willing to pay for your college expenses (whatever is not covered by Bright Futures) once you are 18? If they would, you have two immediate choices, neither of which is really horrible: 1) postpone college and work for a year, while living at home; 2) if there is a community college in your area, attend it for a year with the intention of moving to a different college as a transfer later on. Since you seem to object to going to an inferior college, choice #1 seems to be the better choice for you. </p></li>
<li><p>Would your parents be willing to discuss the situation with your guidance counselor? Your GC might have some interesting perspectives on how 17-year-olds do at colleges in your area and on whether or not waiting would be a disadvantage. (You can't predict what the GC will say, but I doubt that he could say anything that could make the situation worse.)</p></li>
<li><p>If this is a cultural thing, perhaps you may want to discuss the situation with leaders in your own community. For example, if your family belongs to a specific religious group, perhaps your clergyman could advise you on whether or not what your parents are doing is customary in your community.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>Why not try talking to your dad - CALMLY - about why you want to go away. Be very adult (it can be tricky, I know from experience) about it - no whining, keep your temper under control. Come prepared with a list of reasons why you think it would be good to go away. Anticipate his arguments and have rebuttals.</p>

<p>If this tactic fails, maybe try a semester or two close to home, and then transfer.</p>

<p>Good luck! :)</p>

<p>Wow. I read somewhere that you will turn 18 in Sept, only one month into fall term. </p>

<p>I think you need to try to calmly talk to dad. You will not be "out one your own" but in a supervised situation in a dorm on campus. Many kids will turn 18 from Sept to Dec of that year (my D included.) </p>

<p>But if he just won't consider it. your Bright Futures money will be there, so you will not loose it by waiting. It does not cover room and board, so you would need your folks assistance with that. Running away to school will just not be a good choice. You could easily apply for Spring and start Jan of 09 instead of Fall of 08. Might be a better idea than trying to transfer after 1-2 semesters. </p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

<p>Oh, dear.</p>

<p>I was 17 when I came to the US for college as an international student. My parents trusted that I would not do anything awful and nothing awful would happen to me. And their trust was not misplaced.</p>

<p>As Sunnyflorida suggested, talk calmy to your dad. You have time to change his mind. Talk about his concerns for you; what is he most concerned about? mention that by the time you will be attending college, you will have become one year older, and more mature. </p>

<p>Ask him to allow you to apply to colleges now; if he still feels the same come fall of next year, tell him you could try for a gap year, but you don't want to lose your chance of being admitted and going to college next fall if you can show that you are self-reliant, responsible and mature. Good luck!</p>

<p>Bright Futures is still offered to me even if I wait a semester.</p>

<p>As to me turning 18, it's not that at 18 my parents think I will be better prepared, it's that my parents don't want me to leave home before grad school. My brother had a bad experience when he went away to college, so he had to be brought back home to go to the local school, they are under the impression that the same will happen to me.</p>

<p>Also, I am the only girl in my family, and to my father a "proper young girl" should not leave her home before she is even married! It's all these absurd old- fashioned beliefs that my father has that are keeping his mind blocked from even CONSIDERING other options. </p>

<p>As to the money, i'm not too concerned, I could probably get a loan if need be,also my best friends mother has even offered to lend me the money if the situation gets really out of hand.</p>

<p>tallchild, maybe you could print out some of the comments here for your dad to read. My D will not be 18 until Sept either, and I would never consider keeping her home soley for that reason. And while the cut off for staring kindergarten in Florida is Sept 1st, and most kids will be 18 by Aug 31st, kids move down here from other states where the cutoff is Jan 1st, so my D has classmates who do not turn 18 until Dec after arriving at college, and not a single parent is insisting they stay home until they are 18. </p>

<p>Is there a 4yr State U within driving distance of your home, or only a CC?</p>

<p>There is FAU and FIU (which are both DREADFUL schools) And there is also University of Miami, but thats a private University not covered by Bright Futures (it costs about $40,000 a year).</p>

<p>
[quote]
it's that my parents don't want me to leave home before grad school.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>So, if you study abroad, they are going to what--pack up their home and move to the country you go to even if it's like a 5 week program?</p>

<p>Is this a cultural thing for your parents?</p>

<p>bluealien, remember that if the parents pay the tuition, they get to decide if the student goes abroad - it's not a given!</p>

<p>The parents aren't paying, though.</p>

<p>Tallchild, please take the advice of parents here, and find a way to talk rationally to your father about your goals, expectations, and reasons for choosing the university. Printing out this thread might help, although I wouldn't be surprised if he simply refused to read our posts because we're anonymous strangers.</p>

<p>Let me guess: he has never gone away to college himself. Unless one has, it's nearly impossible to understand the positive impact of a residential college experience. Parents who don't have this background tend to think of college as a large, out-of-control slumber party without the proper focus on responsibility and academics. They don't understand how the residential life is actually a supplement to the education -- how it enhances and enforces it by creating the proper environment for serious studies. (I've posted elsewhere on CC about how live-at-home kids tend to struggle more academically; I've seen this first hand.) The social connections one makes as an undergraduate end up reaping rewards for decades; a commuter never has the chance to be fully integrated into the academic community of the school. I could go on and on. </p>

<p>Implore your father to let you try for a year. Strike a deal that, if you get in trouble or ignore your studies, you'll finish out your undergraduate years at home, but, if you succeed, you will be allowed to continue. Maybe once he gets used to your success away from home, he will accept that you are a maturing, serious young woman who is capable of striking out on her own.</p>

<p>It's difficult for parents to let their children go out in the world, especially if the children are facing a situation completely alien to the parents. Still, he must try to let you go. After all, if you can succeed on your own, then your parents have succeeded in their primary job: to raise their children to be successful adults.</p>

<p>Find a father who is of similar background whose daughter is attend the college you wish to attend, your father would probably be willing to listen and perhaps visit. Is there an all female dorm? Again, investigate and visit with dad be SURE to check if you can defer the scholarship and look at the educational outcomes at the local school vs. the flagship university and communicate this with your father in a mature and calm manner. My father did not want me to leave home either, but could not refuse when I as accepted to several elite women's colleges. Find out what your dads real fears are about you leaving home at 17 vs. 18. </p>

<p>If I were you I would apply anyway because by the time it is all said and done he will probably let you attend.</p>

<p>I also began college at 17, turning 18 during 2nd semester. I was fairly independent and had no trouble being on my own, unless I needed an official signature (like medical or financial issues). Being 17, I needed my parents to sign. That could be a problem for you if you should go.</p>

<p>Regardless of his restrictions, I would try to apply to some schools you're interested in. Not sure you need parent's approval to apply. If you're accepted, then you will have some decisions to make. You said the Bright Futures will carry over if you delay starting on time. Check if the schools you want will allow you to delay a semester or year. Once 18, you're legal but your family may refuse to contribute financially toward your schooling. You may need to come up with room and board on your own, if your family won't contribute. Is that possible? Can you get scholarships or help from another family member?</p>

<p>Are you willing and strong enough to stand up to your parents and go away, knowing how they feel? At 18, they can't really stop you but they sure can lay on the guilt.</p>

<p>One thing I learned with my kids is that alot of opinions change throughout senior year. Try to have many options. Come spring you may decide to stay close to home, or your parents may recognize and appreciate your independence. Take the time to show your father how responsible you are. Perhaps your parents will understand better in 9 months. </p>

<p>Try to come up with more options. Do you have family in FL away from home but near a desired school? Perhaps you could live with them? or perhaps you have a relative going to your desired school? Try not to antagonize your father but instead, work with him.</p>

<p>It doesn't seem such a tough choice to me, tallch. When can you go on your own? When can you make your decisions? What college can you go to? Once you're 18, you can go to any college that will accept you, whether parents like it or not. All you have to do is pay your own bills. I'm sure your parents won't ask you to pay any of their bills when you move out, and naturally you won't expect them to pay any of yours. A parent has the right to give his offspring the gift of an education if he so chooses, or not to give that gift. He also can choose somewhere in the middle.
Clearly the choice is yours. If you cannot convince benefactor on the merits of school he currently opposes, then you have 2 choices. Accept his help for school he chooses, or pay your own way at school of your choice. You have the right to choose any school. You do not have the right to tell Dad how he must spend his money.</p>

<p>I swear as I was reading this thread I couldn't stop thinking of the movie Fiddler On The Roof (and the song "Tradition" is now stuck in my head).</p>

<p>This battle will be won by you, eventually. Somehow (in a gentle way), with help if you can get it, you need to make your father see this. You are in the power position, and the clock is nearing the hour when his reign over you will end. Maybe he needs some reassurances and help going through this transition (for example, perhaps he needs a vision of how you at school will be OK because of all of the mature decisions you will make there).</p>

<p>Based on the OP's second post, being 17 is not the real problem. It's being under 23 -- her father doesn't want her to go away for undergrad.</p>

<p>I hope he comes to his senses and realizes that going away to grad school, without having experienced residential undergrad, will be that much tougher an adjustment for the OP. She shouldn't have to worry about the logistics of being away from home for the first time while she's plunging into the intensity of graduate work.</p>

<p>But legally she can leave once she is 18, whether the father agrees or not; she is entitled to free tuition via Bright Futures and has an adult friend willing to lend her money for living expenses -- so my opinion as to the best solution is that think she can defer college for a semester or year and get a full time job to save money for expenses, then go the college of her choice. I think it is very possible for a young person to earn enough to pay for room & board during school, assuming she lives frugally -- and under these circumstances, it is warranted. Her father may change his views when confronted with a situation he cannot control -- that is, if she packs her bags and leaves after turning 18-- he is going to have to accept it whether he likes it or not. If his desire to keep his daughter had home is motivated by love and a desire to keep her close, then he will probably come around. </p>

<p>If tallchild has her own earnings and resources to rely on, she will be able to discuss everything in a mature, unemotional fashion -- that is, she won't have to beg, plead or argue with her father. She can simply wait until all is in order, then gently tell him that she loves and respects him, but that she has decided that she needs to move away to attend a high quality college and she hopes that he will understand her decision.</p>