<p>Parents, I want to hear your thoughts on dorming. Pros and Cons. I want to convince my parents that it is better to dorm.
My mom doesn't really have a problem with it; its just my dad. It is kind of a combination of my dad not trusting me and the money factor. Money is probably the bigger factor because i have two siblings who both go to private schools. The school itself is probably 30 mins away but with traffic could be an 45 min to an hour.
oh yea, I don't drink or smoke either. My dad thinks that it is better for me to stay home. because it allows him to keep an eye on me and make sure my grades dont drop.</p>
<p>If at all possible, I think going AWAY to college is an integral part of the experience. </p>
<p>Look at it this way: if you live at the school, you do not need to run a car. That will save thousands of $$ per year in costs.</p>
<p>I think living at college is important – out of curiousity – is this a school with a lot of commuters (if so, living there may not accomplish much) or just that you happen to live near. </p>
<p>If I were you I would see what compromises you could make. Are you willing to give him the password to your college email, etc so that he can monitory stuff electronically? Agree to have Sunday dinner every other week and discuss grades? </p>
<p>As to money, only you know what compromises could be made?</p>
<p>We encouraged our daughter to choose a college where she can live in a dorm…and prefer she be there.</p>
<p>She can immerse herself in the college experience and make connections with other students in her major more easily by living there. Being right on campus makes it easier to do work outside of class, as she can take quick breaks to go back to her room, freshen up, and go back to the studios. </p>
<p>Its a more controlled environment, and what we view as an excellent transition to eventually being out on her own. Living without parental supervision means becoming more responsible, but without the added stress of paying rent/utilities/etc. and having to shop and cook her own meals.</p>
<p>(After posting I noticed lots of new responses…apologies for repitition)
You need to provide a lot more info to get meaningful responses. What college are you going to? Some colleges have very commuter oriented campuses, where you won’t miss much living at home, others are very resident focused and you will miss out on a lot living at home- not just the partying, but lots of other interaction and late night discussions in which you learn almost as much from your peers as from your classes. How bad is the financial pressure? It may be there is no choice. If your dad’s main reason is to supervise you and “make sure [your] grades dont drop” that raises a lot of questions: is your behavior erratic enough that he can’t trust you to be responsible…or is he having trouble transitioning from treating you as a little girl to treating you as an adult? Could you address the grade concern by making a contract with him that, if your GPA at any point drops below a (you fill in the blank) you will assume all costs for residency thereafter?</p>
<p>Let your dad know that you’d like to try dorm life, it will help you feel more a part of your school, get involved with the various clubs/activities/students/study groups. Acknowledge his concerns and agree to a visit/call schedule so he knows you’re okay. And let him know you’re willing to revisit the issue in the future if you don’t maintain a x.x average. You are soon to be an adult but his concerns are legitimate - alot of young adults pick up really bad habits and underperformance issues starting freshman year. Don’t be one of them!</p>
<p>Youngest - sounds like you are getting gypped compared to those two private school siblings. They are not commuting are they? Need more info, but even here locally, I know a lot of kids who live relatively close to their college who dorm (by the way, first time I have read or used the word dorm as a verb.) Tell Dad he may live to regret the decision when you are 40 and still living at home!!!</p>
<p>Explain to him that these are the only 4 years of your life that you’ll get to have a traditional college experience - never again do people get the opportunity to live in dorms and learn how to live with all different kinds of people. You need to convince him that you’ll help pay your way as best you can and you need to reassure him that your grades won’t drop. Maybe see if he’s willing to go for one year and see how it goes? Good luck!</p>
<p>A lot of the benefit of living on campus comes from freshman year, when people meet a large proportion of their college friends and become involved in their college extracurricular activities. </p>
<p>It is cheaper to live at home. One possibility: Could you ask your parents if they would support you in living on campus FRESHMAN YEAR, and then you could live at home after that to save money?</p>
<p>Unless it’s a commuter school, 90% of social life happens in and around the dorms, mostly after 11:30 pm. My son graduated 2 yrs ago, and his closest friendships are still the ones that were formed in his freshman dorm.</p>
<p>I agree that the freshman year is the most important one in that respect. If you can convince your parents to support that, and decide on the future years later, that will be a good compromise.</p>
<p>
This may not be a selling point for this particular dad. If this is mostly a residential campus, you might want to point out that study groups often meet in the evening, that it will often be necessary to do research in the library after class hours, that some of your classes may require you to go to concerts or lectures in the evening, that campus clubs and organizations will often meet in the evening, etc.</p>
<p>I went to a LAC and lived at home the first year. I moved on campus the following year. I really wanted to be more a part of the community. Money was an issue for us. Great LAC, great merit aid, and after I proved myself the first year, and after working and saving for books and spending money and food, I felt confident in signing on for subsidized loans for the dorm expense. If you get to move on campus right away, great. If not, show your responsibility, maybe get a part time job on weekends, work next summer, and show you mean it. Your dad will see your maturity.</p>
<p>My son went to the University of Maryland at College Park, where a large proportion of the students could commute if they wanted to (the university is less than an hour from the DC suburbs and Baltimore suburbs, which is where most of these kids live). Some kids do commute, but most do not. They live in the dorms or, as upperclassman, in nearby off-campus apartment buildings, even though their families’ homes are not far away.</p>
<p>I think that the kids who chose to commute lost much of the college experience, and not just socially. Extracurricular activities often take place in the evening or on weekends, students study together during these times, some have on-campus jobs that require them to work during those times, and many students make use of the libraries or other campus facilities then. Especially during the two years when my son was involved in undergraduate research, I don’t see any way that he could have functioned if he didn’t live in College Park.</p>
<p>My son spent two years in the dorms and two years in an off-campus apartment within walking distance of the campus. I think this was an excellent experience for him, which helped prepare him for the independence of living in an apartment and attending graduate school on the other side of the country (which is what he’s doing now).</p>
<p>Perhaps you can negotiate living in the dorm freshman year, but leave sophomore, junior, etc. open for discussion. I think freshman year on campus is far more important for many reasons. Kids start moving “off campus” if they can at sophomore year, so by then it’s less of an issue (not living in the dorm). You could make it contingent on the first semester grades, offer to “pay back” if necessary some or all of the associated costs above and beyond what your car/commute/parents food budget, etc. will cost to keep you at home. I’m assuming you have given your parents absolutely no reason not to “trust” you! We have a “close” 30-45 minute drive public college near our home and some of my son’s friends have negotiated living on campus the freshman year. They are now juniors and all of them moved “off” sophomore year because it just wasn’t as important to them after their freshman year.</p>
<p>Definitely negotiate for freshman year at least. I think it is essential as a way to become a part of the campus community. Offer to earn money this summer towards the cost of living in a dorm. Tell your Dad you need to make friends and network. Many opportunities tend to come up in casual conversations while sitting around with friends (in the dorm). Agree to re-evaluate at the end of your first year. Beg if you have to. Good luck!</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>^^You can do a lot of homework on a bus in 45 min. Just kidding.</p>
<p>Summer is coming up. Do you have a summer job lined up? Tell your dad that you will use your summer earnings to pay your dorm fees, and I bet your financially strained parents will be more receptive towards your idea of on-campus living.</p>
<p>I would delay going to college before I’d commute for 30-60 minutes for my freshman year. In fact, with our own kids, we ruled out schools in which spending four years on-campus was unlikely. College is not just classes. It’s a commitment to be engaged and involved in ways that could change your life for the long term. You might ask your father whether your family would be the same had you lived 45 minutes away from them while growing up and just commuted to their home for meals and scheduled meetings?</p>
<p>OP–you say your Mom is on board. At least you have the knowlege that you have one parent that trusts you, and apparently feels they could pay for your dorm experience. </p>
<p>But you think that money is the key issue to your Dad. Have you asked him if that is the case? I mention this because if you have 2 siblings at private schools it indicates that your parents have some financial ability. As does the fact that your Mom thinks they could swing it. While there could be a recent change in their finances, you may be mistaken concerning the role money plays. If it is money, the other posters’ suggestions about summer jobs and/or working a year would give you the ability to fund the dorm experience.</p>
<p>You say you don’t smoke or drink so is the “trust issue” grades only? Is there something you know of upon which your Dad bases this concern? Have you asked him and discussed what it is? You may find that the issue to him arises from something he experienced especially since whatever it is you may have done or not have done didn’t cause your Mom to have a lack of trust.</p>
<p>You might ask him point blank “what can I do to earn your trust on this issue?” I’ve heard of kids who have agreed to pay a parent back (at the end of the semester) for the tuition for any class where they make less than an “X” grade. Perhaps he would go for that.</p>