Could Someone Grade My Practice SAT Essay (3)?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>I finished this essay this morning, and I would really appreciate it if someone could grade it and provide feedback. Thanks in advance!</p>

<p>Prompt: Is creativity needed more than ever in the world today?</p>

<p>Creativity drives progress. This is a fact, not an opinion. Without creativity, humans would not be able to develop so many inventions, and the world would be a different place. Creativity is especially important for economic growth and development. Many of the items on the global market today were objects of the creativity of people in the 1800s and 1900s, and today the world needs creativity more than ever to continue making progress in this period of economic stagnation.</p>

<p>Creativity is what led to Japan's economic growth in the latter half of the 20th century. After WWII, Japan was occupied by American Allied forces that presided over the ruined country. It seemed unlikely that Japan would ever be as powerful as it had been before WWII. However, as time passed, the Japaneses made forays into the global consumer market, developing affordable, fuel-efficient, easy-to-maintain automobiles that began to gain increasing market share during the oil shock of the 1970s. In the 1980s, the Japanese began producing new consumer electronics such as the compact disc and the Walkman cassette player, which revolutionized media in the world and catapulted Japan into the position of the world's second-largest economy after the United States. Japanese creativity was crucial to Japan's postwar economic miracle, and Japan would never have been able to ascend from the throes of ruin had its people not come up with creative new products to disseminate in the world market.</p>

<p>Not only can creativity contribute to economic growth, but also creativity provides aesthetically valuable products that people can enjoy for generations. During the Renaissance of the 15th and 16th centuries, Europe underwent a burst of creativity based on Roman and Greek culture. Artists such as Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and Raphael spearheaded this creative cultural revolution and gave timeless, magnificent gifts to contemporaries and posterity such as the painting on the Sistine Chapel, the Mona Lisa, and The School of Athens. Such paintings are now cherished and also contain the power to inspire future generations of people. Without creativity, the world would be a darker place aesthetically, and such beautiful art as that of the Renaissance would be the only one of its kind.</p>

<p>In today's world of economic stagnation, creativity is necessary to revive the global economy. But also, creativity is necessary to inspire people and to brighten up the world with novel ideas and works.</p>

<p>[This essay took up 1.5 pages.]</p>

2

<p>First off, you don’t need the second sentence. You need to prove why your view is a fact through your essay not explicitly state it. Furthermore, “the world would be a different place” is an elementary reason and should be avoided unless you can show how it would be a different place. In that case you would cross out “the world would be a different place,” and write, for example, “the world would be less imaginative, inspiring, and overall enjoyable.” Moreover, I know this is nit-picky, but in the last sentence in the intro, substitute “in this period” for “during this period.” It just sounds better for me, but it’s not that big a deal. </p>

<p>In your first example, first sentence, cross out “is what” because it is unnecessary and wordy. You need to get out of the habit of using unnecessary, additional clauses. In the second example, for the concluding sentence, say “Without creativity during the Renaissance, the world would be a darker place aesthetically…” The reason I say this is because without that addition, it sounds like a sentence that belongs in the concluding paragraph rather than in the concluding sentence of the second example. </p>

<p>At the end, I would combine “In today’s world of economic stagnation, creativity is not only necessary to revive the global economy, but also to inspire people and to brighten up the world with novel ideas and works.”</p>

<p>Furthermore, it has been shown that essay length correlates strongly with scores, so if you still have half a page left, then go ahead and add a third example. If you find that you are running out of time, then have a collection of examples that you can utilize on any essay so that you don’t half to waste time thinking about what examples you are going to use. </p>

<p>Again, however, your examples and use of language-- vocabulary, style-- are all fantastic and really prove you are a great writer. Sadly, to get a perfect score on the SAT essay, one has to be formulaic and practice using fast-written, previously manufactured examples due to the time constraints.</p>