<p>Topic: Should people take more responsibility for solving problems that affect their communities or the nation in general?
People must be responsible for solving their own problems. Individuals make better decisions than governments simply because they have more hands-on knowledge of the conflict that is to be resolved, and can often find the fastest and most cost-efficient solutions to deal with it. Individual problem-solving not only boosts independence, but also promotes better solutions.
The villages of Tibet are breathtakingly beautiful; however, located in the midst of a cold desert, they receive water only three months a year. Villagers pleaded to the government for better water supply, but it was quite unable to do anything. One citizen, Tseyang Nancheng, an inhabitant of one such village, came up with an innovative idea to provide villages with water all year round. He constructed artificial glaciers at slightly lower heights than natural ones, so that the snow would melt quicker and reach villages earlier. At the cost of about $7000 per glacier, this was an efficient and cheap solution. While the government had wrung its hands in despair, not knowing how to deal with the problem, Nancheng, a local of the area was able to come up with the best idea. Because he knew the villages of Tibet so well, he realised exactly what they needed, and was thus able to provide it.
In hundreds of cities across India, young Muslim women from poor families remain uneducated and are dominated over by the men of their households. The government tried to intervene, determined to improve the literacy rates amongst such women, but to its surprise, found that response was very poor. It gave up on the situation, but Hasnath Mansur, a Muslim woman who grew up in such terrible conditions herself, knew exactly where the problem lay these women still believed that men had the right to make all the decisions and that the Quran (the Muslim holy book) disallowed womens education. Armed with this knowledge, Mansur was in a much better position to solve their problems as compared to the Indian government. She set up awareness camps to educate women of their rights and ran other schooling programs for men as well. An individual, she succeeded where the government could not, because she had first-hand information about the problem and could act on it more efficiently.
Very often, it is the individual who takes the best decision because he or she is so much more knowledgeable about the conflict at hand than any outside body. As seen in the examples of Nancheng and Mansur, individuals are often the best problem-solvers; this can be seen even on a smaller scale in schools, for example, where students often find it easier to resolve their own conflicts rather than call in a teacher or parent. Long years of human behaviour have shown that a person often comes up with the fastest and best solution simply because he would rather think for himself than wait for the government to do it. Hence, people should be responsible for solving their own problems.</p>
<p>You’re not going to want to hear this, BUT…</p>
<p>Although there are some nice moments here, this essay cannot be a ten. Here’s why:</p>
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<li><p>You haven’t given general reasons why people should take responsibility for their problems. (For example, the focus of a body paragraph might have been DIGNITY or SELF RELIANCE.)</p></li>
<li><p>As a corollary to #1, the paper is heavy on fact and short on analysis. You cite strong examples; you just cite too many of them.</p></li>
<li><p>I’ve read thousands of these things. Let me tell you—if a reader sees ANY word jump off the page because it repeats, you aren’t getting an upper-half score on that paper.</p></li>
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