SAT ESSAY - Please score (I'm freaking out about the SAT next week)

<p>Topic: Should people take more responsibility for solving problems that affect their communities or the nation in general? Plan and write .... etc.</p>

<p>RESPONSE:</p>

<p>While slandered by many, governments around the world strive for the welfare of their citizens. Often this isn't enough, with many citizens complaining about laws being passed. But is it really up to them to shape our world?</p>

<p>The future is up to us. We, the people, have the glorious opportunity of involving ourselves to improve problems in everyday life. While the government can pass laws, it is the sheer force and will power of the people of this world to face crises head on and combat them.</p>

<p>While many complain that the government doesn't do much in regards to climate change, they don't feel that they have the opportunity or responsibility to do something. In Australia, days have ben set aside for the planting of trees by local environmental groups.This shows that people can in fact tackle big issues and therefore have a responsibility for solving problems that affect their communities. </p>

<p>It is obvious that the government should and is in charge of roads, employment rates, education and social welfare, but there are so many things that we, as the people of the world, as Global Citizens, can do to live in a utopian society, free from threats of climate change, pollution, even injustice.</p>

<p>Volunteering is something popular, often splashed across many college-bound senior's extra-curricular activities on their admission forms, but what benefits exist from volunteering? For me, I've volunteered at a nursing home in my local suburb, and while it is not 'fighting injustice' as per say, it has given me a sense of moral value. It has taught me that it is crucial for people to help each other if one wants a society to work. We need to work to solve problems of injustice. While it may be up to the government to give financial aid to those homeless, it is not up to them to offer a few dollars on the street. </p>

<p>While we live in this beautiful world, injustices and crises exist, and it is our responsibility, as citizens of the world, to solve problems that affect our community. We need to strive, as people, to face obstacles head on, so we can achieve a society sans injustice.</p>

<p>We the people, as well as the government, have a responsibility to combat and solve problems. People should take more responsibility for these problems that affect their community or their nation in general.</p>

<p>Yeah, I wrote that in 20 minutes. Would someone be able to give feedback?
This is my first SAT, and last, and I need a really good score :(
Any tips?</p>

<p>I would try and limit to 2 solid body paragraphs. Or 3 if you need too, you have a few paragraphs which are week IMO. Well written tho</p>

<p>7/12.</p>

<p>^^ Yes.</p>

<p>Introduction
2 SOLID body paragraphs with relevant details+anaylsis
Conclusion.</p>

<p>Use big words, vary your sentence strucure, and write around 2 pages</p>

<p>=12</p>

<p>That first sentence is grammatically awkward. Probably a solid 8/12</p>

<p>From what I have learned from my teachers for 3 years, dont include anything that include volunteering to go to a uni,college,etc. The markers know that you are writing this test to go to post-secondary institution–keep them interested.
Just keep it to volunteering at the nursing home. avoid statements like “volunteering is popular…”, just go str8 into the example. It saves more time, allows you to articulate more on why this is important to society and the reader.
I would give this a 7 or 8.</p>