<p>Hi, can you read my essay, score and comment about it? Which score would you give? Do you think I can improve this essay a little? Can you edit grammar errors in this essay for me? What do you think about its structure, focus, and organization of ideas? Are the ideas relevant to the essay prompt? My friends told me that if the examples are history or generally are not well-known, I have to pay careful attention to clarify everything, so that readers with no background can understand. In this essay, I tried to pay attention to this. So do you think my essay is easy to understand?</p>
<p>You are free to comment. I appreciate all of your help.</p>
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Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.</p>
<p>Organizations or groups that share a common goal often mention teamwork as their secret to success by insisting that people in the group work together for the good of the entire group. However, by requiring each individual to accept the decisions of the others in the group, organizations may discourage the expression of individual talent. Ultimately, a group is most successful when all of its members are encouraged to pursue their own goals and interests.</p>
<p>Assignment:</p>
<p>Are organizations or groups most successful when their members pursue individual wishes and goals? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.
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<p>There are many secrets to the success of each organization or group, and among them are teamwork and team spirit. Good teamwork means the members cooperate and work harmoniously with each other, and team spirit generally means they place everyone's good above personal interest, and respect and accept others' ideas. There will be no success if members pursue individual wishes and goals at the expense of others.</p>
<p>The collapse of the Delian League serves to illustrate the above idae. In about 478 BCE, the Greek ancient city-states decided to form a naval alliance, called Delian League, to protect their people and trade from constant threat from the Persia in the East (modern-day Iran). The Greek city-states contributed money, ships and men to keep the league effective. Troubles occurred when Athens, the most advanced city-state, began to use more and more resources of the league to advance its own trade. The rising power of Athens then alarmed Sparta, which is another strong city-state. This led to wars, in which Athens and its allies fought Sparta and its allies. Delian League collapsed, as Athens pursued its own goal at the expense of others. Disunity in the later years gave Philip of Macedon a chance to conquer, and finally he brought the Greek world under his control. As recounted by historian Thucydide, the defeat of the Greeks was due largely to their inability to unite successfully. Had they united successfully, they could have survived. (Before the Delian League, Sparta and Athens had joined forces to defeat the expansion of the mighty Persia.) The difference in values, lifestyles, and political system between the Greeks (for example, Athens favored democracy, while Sparta favored military lifestyle) lad to the end of the Greek classical age.</p>
<p>In modern world, the United Nation is also a not successful organization, due to the difference in opinions between key member nations. The UN was created soon after World War II, by America, China, Soviet Union (then became Russia), England and France, in order to ensure peace throughout the world and promote understanding and cooperation between members. The number of members is now about 200, and although the UN always says that all members are equal, the actual power is in the hands of the five mighty creators. In history, the UN could not ensure peace if one of its creators is involved. Such a case was the Second Indo-China War (in which Vietnam, Lao, Cambodia fought France), Vietnam War, Korean War or Iraqi War (in which the US was or is involved). At the present, the UN cannot interfere in the conflict in Darfur, which is daily and hourly taking many lives, simply because Chia supports the Sudanese government. Forums, summits, and talks are held everywhere, but they lead to nothing, because every country places its own good above all. The total number of refugees and displaced people is increasing, and famine has never been stopped. The UN has failed in many of its missions; it could only do well in the areas in which its members cooperate, such as health or science.</p>
<p>The two examples shown here support the assertion that the team spirit, as defined earlier, is needed for the success of an organization. The more demanding the task is, the more tolerance and respect and cooperation the members should have for others.</p>
<p>THANKS IN ADVANCE.</p>