<p>i would love it if i can get some honest feedback and criticisms on my essay. im a little scared it might be too generic and cliche...i dont know? and i'm debating on whether or not i should delete the first paragraph, im not really sure i like it. should i keep it or not?</p>
<p>Prompt: Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.</p>
<p>[ESSAY STARTS]
I have always lived a comfortable life. I've always had a roof over my head and food on the table. I have never experienced tremendous sorrow, heartbreaking tragedies, or life-altering struggles. But what I have experienced firsthand is the love and care of giving parents. They are, after all, the reason why I have gotten to live this comfortable life. Now, this is not to say we don’t struggle. My parents aren't wildly successful nor do they make 6 digit figures for a paycheck. But despite what limited time and money they have, they always give as much as they can. They’re first priority is always me and my brother.
Just like many other families that weren't originally born in the United States, when you ask them why they immigrated over to the states, most of them would answer something along the lines of wanting a better life, either for themselves or they’re family. My parents are no different. I came here at a very young age, so there are many things I don’t quite remember about the country I was born in. For this reason I often find myself asking them what Colombia, the country I was born in, is like. And often times what fascinates me most is not what they say, but how they say it. Pure love and nostalgia radiates from their faces as they immediately jump into stories about the beautiful lands, the delicious food, and their childhood memories. So it always puzzled me why on earth they would leave the country they love so much, along with family and friends, and move to a completely foreign place. When I would ask them this question, the same exact answer was given each time, ‘we did it for you.’ Just like many families around the world, they had heard of the United States, and of the opportunities it held. And so they left their families, friends, jobs, house, and dropped everything and moved here; all for me.
Although that first sacrifice they did so many years ago was the first testament of their giving, they have done numerous little mundane things throughout my life that also show their selfless giving, whether it’s giving me money for gas or food when I need it, working all day at their jobs in order to provide for me and my brother, helping me with homework, giving me medicine, or cooking dinner. Thus I have always felt a kind of responsibility of giving that back to them. That the sacrifice they did so many years ago will be worth it. If they were to ask me why I am so vigorously determined to succeed in whatever it is I do, I want to reply with the same answer they gave me, ‘I did it for you.’ They’re the catalyst for all my hard work and dedication towards everything. In my adult life, when they’re in their 60’s and 70’s, I want them to not have a care in the world. I want them to have finished their jobs, regarding both parental duties and professional careers, and take that much needed R&R. Thus, I hope that 10 or 20 years down the road, I am successful enough and stable enough to provide for them, the way they have always provided for me. And I am willing to sacrifice, just as they have done, and work hard in everything I pursue in order to achieve just that. Not only am I doing what I do for myself, but I do it for them. When you have a goal in mind when setting out to do something, you tend to be more motivated and dedicated. And because of that, I take things head on and with full force, knowing exactly what I want to achieve in the end. I try my best, and when the best isn't enough, I try harder. My aspirations in life don’t just end at being successful and being the best person I can be, but it also includes having my parents traveling the world, or spending their days resting at their dream house that they had to work endlessly to buy.
[ESSAY ENDS]</p>