Critique my essay

<p>Topic: Comment on your motivation or interest in medicine.</p>

<p>I woke up one morning to find my father speaking frantically on the phone to the emergency room nurse. My father looked worried as he got ready to go to the hospital. “Daddy, daddy! I want to go with you!” I exclaimed. After a great deal of arguing, my father agreed to take me along with him. When we arrived at the hospital, I learned that the patient my dad was about to perform a procedure on was internally bleeding and vomiting blood. I was intrigued with all of the movement and commotion as my father performed the procedure. As soon as my father cauterized the bleeding vessel, the bleeding stopped. Relief washed over my father’s face as well as the family members of the man. “He is okay,” my father said.
Ever since I can remember, I have aspired to become a doctor. By observing my father, I have fallen deeply in love with the medical profession. Seeing the relief in my father’s eyes when he saved someone’s life caused me to realize the impact doctors have on the world, the amount of control they have over someone’s life. I want to have the capability to completely transform the lives of patients and their concerned families.
A challenge lies ahead of me, as becoming a doctor is definitely not a simple task. My greatest glory in life would be to see the delight in a patient’s eyes when they have been told that their life is no longer at risk. I want to brighten and leave an imprint in the lives of many.</p>