There is one guy at my college who sometimes has the same classes as me, and who is basically the definition of the “tall, dark and handsome” type of guy, and I have had my eyes on him for several weeks, but I have no idea how to approach him.
One problem is that he is over-the-top attractive, so that even the most popular girls are drawn to him like moths to a flame, and I have seen several instances when he has sat along for a brief moment and then immediately had 2-3 girls walk up to him and start flirting, and inviting him to parties and everything.
I am not sure how often he dates girls, but he definitely has lots of options, and he seems to get asked out a lot, and girls often ogle him and flirt with him, and he seems to be very flattered by it.
Do you know what I can do here?
I know that I am considered cute by a lot of guys, but I feel very unconfident when it comes to this guy.
That poor guy. I’m being sincere here because I can honestly feel for him.
Can’t catch a break even trying to be by himself.
This used to bother our son to no end. I’ve always thought of him as being a good-looking kid, but I thought it was just because of my being his parent. But It happened both in high school and college. It wasn’t just young women who approached him either. He hated it and rarely spoke with the “flirts”, keeping his responses short and to the point. He got stared at a LOT. He had to pretend that he couldn’t hear the “sexual” comments. I hated that it changed his “outgoing” personality.
In high school, he did activities that he liked, where he knew that the people who honestly liked the same activities would stay with those activities. He was an Eagle Scout. He volunteered a lot at Food Banks, Senior Centers, and Soup kitchens. He knew those facilities needed volunteers. So when someone asked him out, he would say that they meet him at the food bank (shelter, senior center, etc.). He wanted to be around people that were sincere and who honestly cared about what he cared about. You can guess that this did not go over really well with his “harems”.
Anyway, I would suggest, that you sit “around” him and find out his “personality” while he discovers yours. Be yourself and don’t flirt! Say what you would say to your brother. If you have a group project and you can approach him, say “Hey, I know how to do that! I’ll take that section. I can help you all with that.” Don’t ask him for “help” unless he’s stronger in the subject and has volunteered to help, because that’s a dead giveaway.
If he is interested, he will approach you.
Edited to add: you could try this and say something like, “Doesn’t that bother you?” After hearing someone obviously flirt with him. I would be interested in hearing his response.
Our son used to be kind to people who flirted with him, but that just seemed to encourage them. He learned to become short with his responses which wasn’t him at all.
Yeah, he seems quite reserved like that, but the girls who flirt with him insist on keeping the conversations going, even if he makes short answers.
I have seen him have a few occasionsal longer conversations with girls where he has seemed interested in them back, and those girls have always ended up asking him on dates, and I think he has usually given responses like “well… perhaps” and looked flattered about it.
He does seem very humble, and he also seems very flattered by all the attention, and always looks delighted.
So this makes it feel a little bit less intimidating to try to approach him.
The issue is that if you’re only interested in him because of his looks, It is a concern for them. Our son is incredibly smart. He’s a Caltech kid. I’m basing that on what my son thinks why people initially approach him. In his dorm, he had young women that wouldn’t leave his room. He had to start locking the door.
When you don’t have any idea what’s behind his looks, he can’t be honest about who he really is.
That’s why they tend not to respond.
I definitely think that he is incredibly attractive, but he also seems to have very charming mannerisms;
he seems polite and mature, and he always respects the girls who appear to be infatuated with him.
I also really like his voice, so I know I would love to have conversations with him as well.
I have had a few somewhat awkward moments when I have ogled him with large eyes and bitten my lips and everything while having random lustful fantasies about him, and the times when he has caught me looking at him like that he has appeared to take it positively, and I think has felt both flattered and a bit shy from it.
I always thought that this was really cute, since it made him seem humble. ^-^
I think I have caught him looking at me a little bit on a few occasions as well, so hopefully these a good signs.
See when you can approach him when it doesn’t seem like a bad time. Talk to him about what he’s enjoying most about school. Ask about his experiences. Find out what he’s into. Perhaps you have some common interests. Hear what he has to say.
Yeah, he’s attractive and gets hit on alot. So do gals. All people want is to be treated like a human being. You may find out that he’s outwardly hot, but not exactly your type. Still can be a friend.
However, try not to be so like a pal that he puts you into the friend zone before getting to know you. You’re shy. He’s shy. Be bold and respectful.
And let us know how it goes gradually getting to know him. Rooting for you here.
I didn’t realize that my kid could be described like that! I guess that’s him. He just wants to feel “normal”.
During summers he worked at the zoo. He asked out another person, also a student, who had her “lunch break” at the same time. She was putting herself through school but she volunteered, giving free concerts at senior centers, with her quartet. He played violin in HS so it was a common topic of discussion.
He said she was shocked that he asked her out because, the “rumor” was that he was self-centered. Work “jealousy” put her in an awkward position. I think she was a little intimidated. When they went out, other people flirted in front of her! They remained friends.
He’s got two older sisters, who he always tagged along with - out to the movies/beach, etc. and women would wrongly assume that one of them was a girlfriend. They were pushy! My eldest was polite but would often put them in their place. @Natalie02 just giving you a heads up. Keep your self esteem up!
When he stopped his sports activities recently, to focus more on his career, he gained a little weight and has really liked it socially. His so-called “girth” seemed to reduce strange people approaching him. He’s tall and it doesn’t look unhealthy, and he likes that his looks appear to be a bit more mature.
Thaanks, everyone. ^-^
I will try to make a move on him tomorrow, during one of our classes. ^-^
I just hope that I am not gonna end up making a fool of myself.
I have noticed that I always end up acting in certain ways when I check him out:
I will gaze right at him for long moments at a time, and stand there and lick and bite my lips, twirl my hair and things like that, and have various very sexual thoughts about him.
I hope I won’t act too much like that when I approach him, since he does seem very charming and likeable, based on my impressions of him, so I would want to act respectable in front of him, haha.
But I am looking forward to speaking to him tomorrow.
I think he might have got a bit of a hint yesterday when he was the first one who had arrived before a math lecture was gonna start:
I noticed him and held eye contact with him for a while, and smiled, and then I stood next to him and started some conversations about the course, and I feel like both of us were a bit nervous, and he seemed to blush a bit.
Then the last few seconds I was pretty much fidgeting and smiling for myself, and glancing at him. xP
I will try to talk to him tomorrow again, but he seemed to enjoy talking to me and acting flattered, so that seems great.
I have had small talks with him a couple of times lately, and yesterday I asked him if he wanted to meet in the weekend, on Saturday, and he accepted that.
I am really nervous about that, and I am not sure how to act, but we are probably gonna play some minigolf together, and that feels like it would be a fairly easy way to spend time with him.
Yeah, I will keep that in mind, I just want to avoid making it too much of a friend meeting, haha.
But I am guessing that it will go in the direction that I want it if we are attracted to each other, and have a relaxed date.
I have felt a bit embarrassed about myself the times when I have been checking him out from a distance, since I have found myself ogling him a lot, biting my lips, adjusting my clothes and doing a bunch of subtle “seductive” behaviours like that, but he seems like a really sweet guy, so I don’t want to give him some unintentional naughty impression like that;
but he shouldn’t have been troubled by that, since he seemed willing to meet me, and seemed to genuinely like me when we talked.
Try to knock off the “seductive” behaviors. That would be a real turn off. Just have fun and don’t overthink it. When I met my future husband, we just drove around town and enjoyed talking with each other. I liked him right away but didn’t let on. He later told me it was the same for him. We celebrated our 37th wedding anniversary yesterday.
I mean, I didn’t act that way on purpose;
I would just sometimes catch myself checking him out and then starting to act that way in the middle of it, but I would always catch myself acting like that in a few seconds or so.
And it wasn’t really anything too much - it was mostly just gazing at him along with a bit of slow lip-biting and hair-twirling, and then I snapped out of it when I felt like he noticed it.
Did the mini golf action happen yet? If not, my quick advice would be to wear something you’ll feel cute/confident in but also casual and COMFORTABLE. You don’t want to be distracted at all by your outfit, and as a guy that can be pretty noticeable and a bit annoying when a girl is seemingly too focused on her appearance.
