We all have our hubrises. My dad has the same one. We’re you the nutty parent who was so hung up on going/getting your child into a high-ranking college that anything less would feel like a failure on your side?
We followed the money (merit awards) for undergrad and saved prestige for grad school. We were more concerned that the undergrad programs were accredited instead of their prestige.
We focused on fit (my kids were not looking at the hyper-competitive schools anyway).
we just found a balance between money and the field of interest
I tend to think that most parents who are here on CC are probably not hung up on prestige. (I’m not at all, for example.) That isn’t to say there are those such parents (and I’m sorry if you’re feeling that way in your own family), just that your survey population probably has screened out most of those folks.
No. Not at all. My son was one of the very few who did not apply to any of the Ivies or Stanford. He was qualified, but focused on schools with particular programs or majors of interest. Still, two of the three schools were Top 20 National Universities–which I consider to be prestigious.
I must not read the same CC as you.
Not at all. Best merit package at the flagship with the best fit won.
@twoinanddone – perhaps not (and judging by your post count, you’ve definitely read more CC than me 
), but the parents I’ve read here have tended not to be concerned with getting into HYPMS. Maybe it’s just selective reading on my part, and maybe I’m distinguishing the desire to get into HYPMS from the desire to get into a highly ranked school just below that level, but I don’t see parents stating a desire to get into those schools just because of nebulous prestige. Because it’ll help getting into a particular graduate program, sure, or a job in selected industries, but not prestige for prestige’s sake.
My kid is all about fit and finances. Not interested in prestige. As such, neither am I.
I want my children to go to a good school that is affordable. We can’t afford to be prestige hawks and send three to college. Our children are stair steps, two years apart, so I’m hoping the merit + financial aid packages work out.
When I applied for undergrad, I didn’t know enough to be hung up. A student from my school had received a scholarship. My full college plan was to apply to one college and get the same scholarship and go there. God looks out for kids and fools and this foolish kid.
I do not care at all. I am all about fianances and fit. I would like him to go somewhere with some rigor because I have an academic high flyer that could use that and I think is in greater danger of not enough rigor rather than too much. He’s not competitive though. He is interested in 1 ivy for a unique program it has, but otherwise doesn’t have particular interest in big name schools. He is looking at music programs so that’s a different game. He’s more interested in clicking with some faculty.
When I went to college my dad basically said in state public is your only option. I did end up in a competitive tech program at our state’s flagship university, but didn’t have many options. I started at another state school and that was a horrible fit for me.
My son was more concerned with it than we were. Maybe because both my husband and I have done well with solid technical type degrees from places that were not prestigious (one became more prestigious long after we graduated but the other remains unknown), we were more interested in ROI and fit than any particular name.
DS’ safety school was a state school with rolling admissions, so it was the first he applied to and was accepted. He was horrified that we were proud of his acceptance and talking to friends about it, since he wanted to go to one of his reaches and didn’t want us “settling” for his safety without first hearing back on his reach application. We were proud of all his acceptances and are very supportive of where he is choosing to go, but would have been just as proud if he’d gone to his safety. It would have meant a different path of study but he would have done well and been fine on any of those paths. He’s going to be OK and I’m not worried about him.
There are an awful lot of ‘chance me’ threads or college search threads by both parents and kids DYING to get into HYP. The DREAM is Stanford. When the poster is asked why life will not go on if they don’t get into Penn, the answer is always that it is the DREAM, never giving a reason like it has the best physics department or that a certain professor in the English department will be very influential. Often posts are about how playing basketball or the flute or being on a robotics team can help them get into Harvard, not that Harvard has such a great basketball team that they want to play there, or that playing for the Harvard Orchestra is a great opportunity, they just want in.
There are many posts about paying an extra $20k for a more prestigious school. If prestige doesn’t matter, why even consider paying $20 grand more? I’m not saying there aren’t good reasons for paying the extra money, but prestige certainly plays a part in a lot of the decisions.
Well, I have to confess to caring about this a little. I wasn’t hung up on it, but I did think it would be awesome if my kids got into a top school. They had the stats, so I figured they should at least try. Now I am truly grateful that my son did not get into Brown. They have an open curriculum, and I doubt he would have taken academic risks and tried anything outside his comfort zone if he had ended up there.
DD and I got caught up in prestige. It was hard not to get caught up in it, with her classmates applying to lots of Top 10s. All throughout junior year, we thought she’d just stay close to home. By September of senior year, she - and I - became more focused on applying to reaches, and getting in to the best place she could get into. Duke and UPenn became her focus/dream/goal.
Thankfully we came back to our senses (although she didn’t stay close to home). There is part of her that is still sad about turning down acceptances to her reaches. But there is part of her that feels good knowing she turned down those schools. (While I liked the bragging rights of her getting in, I never felt good about her going to Duke or UPenn. I just think the environments aren’t right for her.) In the end, she found a place that is a great fit - financially, academically, and socially.
@twoinanddone – fair enough – I very quickly stopped reading the chance threads, though my impression was that the vast majority were done by students not parents. I could be wrong. And while I don’t read many of the “$20k for prestigious school?” threads, I tend to think the ones started by parents end up coming down to specific situations – “D got into school X and school Y and wants to study Z” – and most of the respondents answer not with “prestige” but with “fit.” To me, that suggests the majority of folks here are in the “fit” camp. Maybe not all. And, again, that could totally be selective reading on my part. B-)
Reading more of the responses and realizing some of the reaction is due to what’s common in your social circle/family and culture. We’re an oddly practical family and I’d feel really uncomfortable telling anybody else DS was accepted much less is going anywhere prestigious, so that probably drives my lack of concern. DS is going to a wonderful school but I’ve only told my 2 closest friends. I told everybody when he was accepted to his safety though. Guess that felt more like everyone would have common ground and it wouldn’t seem competitive or like I was implying my kid was better.
I was a bit hung up on prestige in my day, though I was realistic about my chances. S18 is not hung up on prestige at all really.
I think it can be a case of you don’t know what you don’t know… Meaning, my S15 attended a prestigious independent school where the expectation was to attend a similarly known prestigious, “bumper sticker” college. I had no idea about many of the merit money schools until I came here to CC. Of course, by then, it was too late and his list was already created and his GC felt confident of his chances at a number of very select schools. I will say, where he ended up didn’t get on the list until a month before the SCEA deadline. He visited very late, fell in love and it worked out for him. So we didn’t chase prestige per se, it was simply what we knew as it was our school’s culture to seek it. In the end, he’s thriving which is all that matters.