<p>You might also want to check out the services of the folks who run this site - College Confidential. Dave Barry and his crew do a good job with deferral counseling from reports I hear.</p>
<p>Sybbie:
What wonderful kind thoughts and advice- thank you. I am getting busy doing my research for her through these boards etc. She got herself a shower , fixed up the puffy eyes and headed out to dinner with a friend. Tomorrow will be better I am sure and maybe with a little bit of confidence back she can get started on the work she needs to do. She did get an acceptance from a safety last week and offer of scholarship money so at least there is that bit of positive reinforcement.
Carolyn; I will research that and if something I can afford I may go that route.
Thanks so much you guys - I don't think I could have handled this without your support!!</p>
<p>MarylandMom, hugs for you and your daughter. It is terribly disappointing and depending what else needs to be done with the other apps, it can be overwhelming as well. The main reason I like early plans is so that we can go on with our lives much sooner without the college issue hanging over our heads.</p>
<p>If she does not have her other applications out, she now needs to focus on them. I do suggest Katherine Cohen's "Rockhard Apps" which is devoted to deferred situations. However, I would not address Brown's app until everything is out with the other schools. You need to find out what the stats are for Brown as to acceptances from the deferred pool, and then the stats for ED this year come into play as well. As others have said, a letter to Brown from the counselor, perhaps another person who knows her well, and an update of her resume all should be sent, but if the numbers are tiny for those deferred being accepted, it is better to invest most of the effort into other schools.</p>
<p>Janimom:
Thanks for the thoughts and hugs - she needs them all! There were 7 other reach-match-safetys and out of those she has finished 4 of the apps and they are all in so there are only 3 to go and they are partially finished. I took the advice I've seen on this board and pushed her to finish them before the ED decision came in. Thank goodness for that. Now she must complete the rest and I told her she could do that next weekend to give her some time to get this disappointment behind her. Is Rock Hard Apps a book?</p>
<p>sorry Janimom - another question - how do we find out what the stats were for the ED round for Brown?</p>
<p>How is your D today MarylandMom?</p>
<p>Oh Maryland Mom, hugs for YOU and your daughter. Deferral was my worst fear from the ED process. She will find a place that will be wonderful. "Rock Hard Apps" is a book, you can probably get it in the library, DD found it helpful.</p>
<p>Yes, it is a book, very thorough case histories. The best way to get the stats for ED is to call and ask. Also if you have a decent school counselor, have her call and ask. Sometimes you can get valuable info from a counselor calling as they can get info that would not be divulged to you or student. Like if the deferral is maybe just a courtesy deferral for whatever reason, in which case you might as well forget about it. Or there maybe something that is an issue that can be addressed. Or some mistake. </p>
<p>For the most part, however, I really feel deferred kids need to move one. Statistically,for elite college admissions, the numbers for acceptance after deferral are not good. And it is just better to forget about the school and forge forward rather than having it hang over your head for a long time.</p>
<p>My son was deferred at one school and waitlisted at another. Had he dwelled on either of those schools, he could have been cliffhanging till August when Cornell sent a note finally accepting him after some peculiar transfer offer situation after deferal. It was enough to drive anyone nuts, and I had a feeling people did not believe me when I talked about it. In one of the admissions books, I read of another student who was dangled by a few schools to the point where it was pretty crazy as well. So, in my opinion, it is better to move on and work on the deferral as a side thing.</p>
<p>monsdream:
Much better - she went to work and that always takes her mind off of it - she enjoys working. She agreed that she'll work on the college apps and finish them up next week. She wants a little break and she is almost finished with a few minor essays (Why this school...) to complete. I just hope she has chosen the right grouping of schools. I'm a little worried about that now.</p>
<p>After D's rejection in the EA round last year, she took a critical look at her application , especially the essays, with fresh eyes. She made a few changes for the last applications that she sent out after Christmas. </p>
<p>By all means, update your file with whatever new honors you may have accrued, and the mid-year report with fall grades. But it's time to spend your emotional capital elsewhere.</p>
<p>Hi Jamimom,</p>
<p>Do you remember me from the old CC when 7 months ago I came into CC with my junior son's stats ? International residing in US for a long time and all that ? We worked on the advice you gave us 'although Princeton is a tough reach for S, go for ED where his chances are improved and give it your best shot, since he is so interested in the college. you can perhaps make it a family project'. And we did. It was fun putting his app together, we all enjoyed the experience. He has been deferred, but we are all happy that he has not been rejected, including S. </p>
<p>We have a solid mixture of matches and safeties that give merit aid, and a few reaches that give Intls need-based aid on a merit basis, for the RD round. A lot of the Princeton essays have been recycled for the other colleges, although a few had to be written afresh, especially the scholarship essays. What essays he has been unable to write so far are the 'Why our college' essays. He has written stuff, but may be it is my bias, I dont see a heart in them, and have been asking him to work them over. I think I will give him a week off, just so he can shake himself up a little bit.</p>
<p>I think S should just complete all the other apps during the rest of December, and start talking to his HS counsellor/principal, emailing/talking to adcoms/regional representatives etc. about Princeton next-steps in Jan after the recess.</p>
<p>Hi Marylandmom, I do sympathize especially living in Maryland as well. Yes, moving on, would be the logical course,but I suggest that your child should fight for it if they really want Brown. Thus, what should they do?</p>
<p>1.Send a nice letter to Brown noting receipt of the deferral from EA and note that your child is still strongly interested. In the letter, I would outline the strengths of your child and why they should take them.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Send in one or two more recommendations.</p></li>
<li><p>If something interesting happened in the senior year that would be good to mention, please state so in your letter.</p></li>
<li><p>If your child did very well in their first semester senior year, rush the grades to Brown. In fact, I might even copy the first quarter report card as well.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>The key is to NOT GIVE UP! Show that you are still VERY interested and that your child will be a great addition to their student body.</p>
<p>MM-
What are her other schools?</p>
<p>Sorry about the deferral, MarylandMom, but I don't think you have to consider it a polite form of rejection. I know for sure that Brown does accept at least some of the kids it defers in the early round. In fact, last year one of my daughter's friends was deferred ED and then accepted RD. The ED deferral was not a happy experience, but she's now a happy student at Brown. So develop that RD list, but no need to abandon the effort to get into Brown, if your daughter still wants it.</p>
<p>I endorse Taxguy's suggestions, except that the student should contact Brown, not the parent.</p>
<p>My condolences to all of you whose child was deferred. My D is still waiting to hear from Pomona, but because we're on the East Coast, it may take a few more days. We parents feel sad because we want so badly to protect our kids from getting/feeling hurt, but I agree with Sybbie that life's journey often takes turns for specific reasons.</p>
<p>Four years ago, my S was deferred from, and subsequently denied admission to, CMU's design program on which he had had his heart set since a fall weekend campus stay. He was <em>convinced</em> that that was the perfect place for him. He was accepted at several other schools including UCLA from which he'll be graduating in the spring. Looking back, he realizes now that getting deferred from CMU was the best thing that ever happened because he didn't think he would get into UCLA which he loves.</p>
<p>If you child still wants to attend his/her ED school, (s)he definitely should contact the admissions office and reiterate that desire. I wish everyone the best with spring decisions!</p>
<p>Taxguy gives good advice above...and #3 and #4 apply to RD schools as well. But then it's best to compartmentalize the ED deferral hope and begin taking a fresh new look at the RD choices (at least this was our experience), which was why I asked what other schools MM's daughter was applying to. Perhaps we could help her see those alternatives with a more optimistic eye. Another question: what made Brown so attractive to her? I think TheDad said it best back in post #18:</p>
<p>"I think it will help to start getting engaged with other schools after a decent but brief interval...mourning may be necessary but the clock is ticking." </p>
<p>"Getting engaged" with the alternatives is an important step after the disappointment of ED deferral, because all the happy anecdotes aside, the fact is that very few deferrees end up accepted RD. If your daughter comes to see her deferral as a reality check--a signal that she needs to give her alternatives more thorough consideration, this could prove to be a blessing in disguise. Anyone deferred from a school like Brown will have plenty of wonderful options, which is what my daughter came to see after her Yale ED deferral 2 years ago.</p>
<p>Driver:</p>
<p>I totally agree. That's why I'm a little uncomfortable with all the advice about continuting the pursuit of the ED school. I have no problem with continuing to pursue that. But, I do think it's a mistake to not turn the focus and EXCITEMENT to the other schools. I think that parents have to send a clear message of enthusiasm for the RD schools, since getting those apps done is the first priority. There's time to go back and "work" the ED school after the first of the year.</p>
<p>Agree with InterestedDad...the priority is getting the remaining apps in as good a conditin as the student can. Once those deadlines have passed, then you can turn the attention to the ED school. Continuing to put the ED school first is a bad way to bet...and you <em>are</em> wagering time.</p>
<p>We noticed that once daughter had gotten over the initial disappointment/sense of rejection, ALL her other apps were noticeably better than her ED app. And she did learn a lot about (and come to like) the other schools in the process, which stood her in good stead when the deferring institution rejected her in the RD round in April.</p>