<p>Well it looks like this thread has really taken on a life of its own. :-)</p>
<p>I have seen that several posters thought this thread was enlightening. I'm really glad for that. In such circumstances as these, one finds oneself asking "why??? why???" We may or may not get to a "why", but for the time being it really helps to know that this situation has helped one or two others by increasing their awareness of this type of problem among h.s. and college-age students. There is meaning in that.</p>
<p>I wanted to report on how we are doing, and pass along a couple of updates. And before I forget: Karen Colleges - you made me smile. Thank you.</p>
<p>She was indeed dismissed. Without a diploma. The school used some very non-specific language about perhaps awarding it in the future, based upon some unspecified set of criteria. The lack of the diploma means that, for now, she will not be eligible to participate in the school's extensive alumni network. That is a heavy blow, for us and especially for her. She had looked forward to that from day one.</p>
<p>But there was good news, for us, amidst the pain: we heard that the school would not report the dismissal on her transcript. Her coursework is "complete". And the college will NOT require the diploma. (But she still won't be there in the fall -- more on this later.)</p>
<p>I know that some of you were shocked, even outraged at the school's response. But we, as her parents, have to support the school, as much as that hurts. We think it was the right decision. Some very stiff consequences needed to be dealt. She was severely penalized in a couple of ways that hurt deeply, and will continue to hurt for some time. But at the same time, there is still a future to look forward to. </p>
<p>In a way, we feel blessed, to be honest: if this problem was going rear its hideous head, much better that it happen now, when it could be caught, than later at college, or after some all-too-imaginable disaster. So yes, we believe we can see grace, here.</p>
<p>After packing up her possessions, we took the long ride home. The ordeal leading up to her dismissal had consumed several days. She was exhausted, and had not eaten much. She slept alot. I want to share that, although the day was harder than just about anything we've ever done, we did laugh, a few times, on the way home. </p>
<p>The next steps are all about healing, we hope and pray. There are heavy emotions involved, on all sides. She is grieving, although she does not realize that yet. We are angry, worried, sad, but somewhat hopeful at the same time. </p>
<p>cptofthehouse, thank you for your cautionary remark about "the girl's environment at home". Anger can be a dangerous thing. Our job is to provide both structure and care so she can come to grips with what did happen, and with whatever comes next. </p>
<p>We have some really good ideas, we think, about how to rebuild. Depending upon how those work out, I'll be happy to share them at some point, in the right context. For now, we're anxious to find a therapist quickly as we believe it's not just a nice-to-have. </p>
<p>I realize that many, many families have gone through much worse than we have when substance abuse is involved. To this point in time, and despite the pain, we consider ourselves blessed that the issue has been called to our attention in such a way that we have no choice but to address it head on. No one has died, and thus far everyone's physical health appears to be intact. </p>
<p>The run-up to college, prior to the typical fall matriculation the summer after graduation, carries so much momentum that, should a parent wish to halt it for any number of reasons, it's a very, very difficult thing to to. For us, with our daughter's expulsion and the subsequent withholding of her diploma, we are able to bring college matriculation to a screeching pause. Had we had suspicions or greater-than-average fears about substance abuse or drinking, I must admit that we'd probably have lacked the fortitude to raise the red flag even then. I'm sure we would have caved to social and family expectations, our own pride in her accomplishments to date, or our anticipation of still greater things to come, not to mention her own insistence at simply moving on. </p>
<p>Several of you have said what a great dad I am. I thank you for that, but please realize that without this forum in which to both sort out my thoughts and find some wonderful advice, I doubt I would have handled it nearly as well. I blundered a few times, trust me, and I fully anticipate that I will find more than a few blunders as we work to uncover what really happened. But thanks again, for everything.</p>