D wants to enlist in the military - help!

Parents Forum
21

<p>Your concern is understandable. I would recommend that you both do some extensive research on the Marines and jobs/careers in the military. The more you know, the better. You said you were in a heavily military area? Perhaps you and your daughter could go to a VA hospital and the local base to speak with active duty people and veterans. </p>

<p>It doesn't sound (at this point) like you will stop her from making her own decision (IMO that should not happen anyway). So, try to reach a point where she can make an educated decision, weighing the potential costs and the benefits.</p>

<p>Also realize, a lot can change in two years! When I was a sophomore, I thought I would be studying electrical engineering at UIUC, but I am studying history at the Air Force academy instead and looking to become a pilot. For me, two years was the time it took to go from being dead set on becomming an civilian electrical engineer to joining the military and taking the first steps to become a pilot...odd how things work out sometimes...</p>

22

<p>The biggest surprise to me are the number of people who think that the daughter doesn't know her own mind. By the time I finished the tenth grade, I had decided on a course for the rest of my life - what I did with my college major changed, but the major itself did not. My daughter had done pretty much the same, although she changed her concentration in the chosen area. Only when I deviated from or doubted my path did I do anything other than well. I cannot even imagine taking a course of study past the tenth grade or so without envisioning what I would do with it.</p>

23

<p>Tell your daughter it is better to join the military as an officer, and that can only happen if she graduates from the service academies or from a regular college.</p>

24

<p>"The biggest surprise to me are the number of people who think that the daughter doesn't know her own mind. By the time I finished the tenth grade, I had decided on a course for the rest of my life - what I did with my college major changed, but the major itself did not. "</p>

<p>That's because it's a rare person who knows enough abut themselves and the world to be set on their career path while in high school or -- for most people - even when they are in college.</p>

<p>Most college students change their majors at least twice. </p>

<p>I've been in a variety of careers in my life and few were similar to what I planned to do while in high school. My husband has stayed in the same field, but it's a different field than he had planned to enter when he was in h.s.</p>

25

<p>Given your daughter's previous history with an eating disorder and her OCD tendencies she may not qualify to serve, especially if she is on meds of some type. She would need a waiver. </p>

<p>See this link and do some more research at the site. I did also find some questions on eating disorders. </p>

<p>Careers:</a> Military--Army, Navy, Airforce, Marines, Coast Guard: OCD in the miltary, army rotc cadet, recruiting offices</p>

26

<p>A couple of suggestions to nudge her in the direction of an Academy or ROTC program...ask her if she would be willing to apply to attend the summer program at one of the academies. They are 2 week programs for rising seniors. Admission is competitive. That would give her a feel for that option. If she's interested in the marines, she might like to attend the summer program at the Naval Academy, since Navy officers can be commissioned into the marines.</p>

<p>Also, she could look at colleges with a uniformed corps of cadets. My son goes to Texas A&M, and the Corps of Cadets there is very rigorous and pretty much all-consuming. They heavily recruit JROTC cadets and have a weekend program for cadets who are jrs. and srs. in high school. More info is here: Junior</a> Cadet Accessions Program: Texas A&M University Corps of Cadets . You might show here a couple of Youtube videos about the corps. We can't post links to youtube here, but if you go there, do a search for "aggiecorps". Choose the video titled "Corps of Cadets".</p>

<p>Virginia Military Institute is another military college to consider.</p>

<p>You could tell her that you understand she is planning to enlist in the marines when she graduates, but you'd like her to take advantage of these other opportunities while she is in high school. By the way, even if she turns 18 before high school graduation, her recruiters will push her to stay in school and graduate.</p>

<p>Other than that, I wouldn't argue with her too much. You know how that is...the more you argue, the more determined she'll be.</p>

27

<p>If you're worried about her being killed or injured by enemy action, do note that those chances are disproportionately lower for women in the military than men. Out of the casualties in Operation Iraqi Freedom, 97.6% are men.</p>

28

<p>My nephew wanted to apply to West Point since he was in ninth grade. My sister was very nervous. To her credit, she took him to visit West Point and other schools in the NE. I knew he would never go through with it. This is a kid with a suite as his bedroom, TV, laptop, gameboy, multiple guitars because he showed some interest, and a car. I told my sister to put him in a boot camp this summer (Junior year) to see if he could cut it. My sister just called me a few weeks ago to tell me West Point is off her son's college list (right before she was ready to commit to the boot camp). Sheesh, I could have told her that 3 years ago. </p>

<p>I wonder how many kids tell their parents they want to join the military to get attention. I personally don't think there is anything wrong for our kids to serve our country for a year before they could go off to college or get on with their lifes - may it be helping with under previliged children, building houses for the poor, peace corp, or military. But I do think too many of our kids are too soft to do hard work.</p>

29

<p>Yeah sorry military people, but joining the military is basically throwing your life away. It sounds like your daughter needs some tough love. She may be mad at you now, but she'll get over it eventually.</p>

30

<p>A fairly bold statement for an 18 year old.</p>

<p>Oh well, trolls will be trolls.</p>

31

<p>I wouldn't be surprised if many 50 year olds also do feel the same way as haha but just not as bold as haha to openly express it. I don't think haha is a troll.</p>

32

<p>
[quote]
I don't know where I've gone wrong.

[/quote]

You haven't gone wrong. If anything, consider what you've done right! Even if you'd rather she not join the military you should be proud of her deep down for at least wanting to do this. </p>

<p>
[quote]
She is my only child and I fear for her life, and her future.

[/quote]

Of course you do and that's onl natural. If you're really concerned for her life though make sure you check out the actual statistics. Even with the Iraq war the statistics of any solier getting killed is very low and this is especially true for female soldiers. Also, realize that your child is never completely safe no matter what they do once they're on their own and when they're with you it's actually a false sense of security.</p>

<p>
[quote]
She refuses to listen to reason, and when I mention the terrible facts about traumatic brain injury, disfigurement, amputations, and the very high PTSD rate, especially among women, she gets angry.

[/quote]

Well, IMO, SHE's the one who has a right to be angry with arguments like that. Refer to my previous statement about statistics - you're likely blowing this out of proportion.</p>

<p>
[quote]
I told her I would get her a car if she goes to college, but not if she's enlisting in the military

[/quote]

Sometimes bribery works but realistically, she won't need a car right away if she goes into the military.</p>

<p>
[quote]
I'm thinking of taking her back to counseling...

[/quote]

Wanting to join the military and serve the country isn't some kind of mental problem. She should make sure she's choosing the option for sound reasons but that's all.</p>

<p>
[quote]
She won't even consider ROTC scholarships or one of the military academies.

[/quote]

Do what you can to have her educate herself in this area. If she truly has her eyes set on the military for a career (which she might not), she's probably better off doing it as an officer rather than enlisted - more pay, better housing, better jobs, etc.</p>

<p>
[quote]
If she enlists, I will be devastated.

[/quote]

Why? I can understand that you'd be devastated if she committed a crime and went to jail, got hooked on drugs, or committed suicide but joining the military is hardly a reason to be 'devastated'. There are many great people who have joined the military and even pursued careers in it (including my father).</p>

<p>Be careful to not alienate her and drive her even more in the direction you don't want her to head. Have her educate herself as much as possible about life in the military. You should do the same since it sounds like you don't know very much about it. There's a lot to be admired in what your daughter has in mind. Maybe by showing appreciation for it the two of you can work together to arrive at a good solution for both of you.</p>

33

<p>
[quote]
The biggest surprise to me are the number of people who think that the daughter doesn't know her own mind. By the time I finished the tenth grade, I had decided on a course for the rest of my life - what I did with my college major changed, but the major itself did not. My daughter had done pretty much the same, although she changed her concentration in the chosen area. Only when I deviated from or doubted my path did I do anything other than well. I cannot even imagine taking a course of study past the tenth grade or so without envisioning what I would do with it.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Oftentimes, this is the exception, not the rule. When I was in 10th grade, I was dead set on being a Crime Scene Investigator. Now, after having done a lot of research on that particular field, I've decided I would rather be either a Criminal Psychologist or have my own private Psychology practice. And NSM is right...the average college student changes his/her major at least twice.</p>

<p>The fact is, at age 15, very few people have realistic views of what they can and/or want to do with their lives. Everything seems appealing and exciting, especially the things you're influenced by most (I know a lot of people that are involved in Criminal Justice). </p>

<p>Now I think it's great, OP, that your D wants to serve her country. I deeply respect any woman that has the courage to do that, as they are often looked down upon and stereotyped very heavily. Anyone who puts themselves in harm's way to protect others gets a LOT of respect from me.</p>

<p>I can, however, understand where you're coming from. I agree that you should probably get some counseling, maybe together, but it sounds like you need it more than her (not trying to be rude). </p>

<p>Be very careful how you address this in the next few years. You can't take words back, and I'm positive the last thing you want is to ruin your relationship with your D. Best of luck and God Bless you both.</p>

34

<p>I haven't read all the posts, but I have a suggestion. I have a colleague who like your daugther announced to her parents when she just turned 16 that she was enlisting in the Navy. Like your daughter, she was the smart one in the family. Great grades, the whole package.</p>

<p>Her parents compromised and said she could join the reserves, which she did. She was in the reserves in the intellegence community all through college at George Washington in DC and she got her Masters in International Affairs at Georgetown. After she got her Masters, she decided to become an officer and was commissioned in the Air Force because they gave her a commission sooner than the Navy did. 20 years later, after 10 years enlisted and 10 years as an officer she just pinned on Major and is currently the exec to a two star General in the Pentagon and as a civilian is a VP for an international engineering company. </p>

<p>I would love my daughters to grow up to be like her. </p>

<p>The Reserves may be an option to consider.</p>

35

<p>It was 20 years ago. I am not sure if the outcome would be the same for your colleague's daughter today.</p>

36

<p>The OP didn't say anything about her D wanting to "serve her country." She said that "She has a romanticized vision of the military as a family (I think the absence of a father in her life has a lot to do with that) and thinks she'll have her choice of military assignments."</p>

<p>Sounds to me like this kid may have been sold a line of goods by a recruiter. Will have her choice of military assignments? When the armed forces are desperate for recruits and sending unwilling National Guard members back for repeat tours?</p>

<p>It seems to me that people have varied reasons for wanting to join the military. Sometimes it's a kid who is looking for structure and a well-defined place in life. (That sounds like the OP's D.) This is not necessarily a bad way to meet a real need, but there are other ways to accomplish that end. Sometimes it is a kid with very limited options who lives in a small town and wants to get out of Dodge. (That private whose "rescue" was a big PR deal for the military early in the Iraq war said precisely that when she was interviewed. I, for one, respected her for not telling a lot of lies about a burning desire to "serve.") I'm not saying that joining the military is necessarily a bad idea for this kid or many others. Just that the reasons vary.</p>

<p>OP, a friend of mine's only child went through a phase during which he wanted to enlist. His parents played along to some extent, taking him for a weekend at Norwich, suggesting alternatives by taking him to visit the Coast Guard Academy. The recruiting weekend at Norwich cured him fast. :) It sounds like your D's interest is deeper. Perhaps if you can put some alternatives in front of her, such as the service academies. Whatever happens, as others have said, it is most important that you preserve your relationship.</p>

37

<p>I'm no troll. It's my opinion, and I know many people that share it. Sorry if I'm blunt, but I don't see the point of sugarcoating what I say.</p>

38

<p>haha:</p>

<p>Then I'll be blunt - you're flat out wrong (about joining the military is throwing your life away).</p>

39

<p>
[quote]
It's my opinion, and I know many people that share it.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>I wonder why you and the others you know think that a military career is throwing your life away? Is it because you wouldn't be wealthy, or because it's dangerous, or maybe that you might be sent to do a job that's unpopular? I am asking this seriously....I am mystified as to why you would have such a strong opinion about a career choice that many people make. </p>

<p>My son-in-law enlisted in the Army when he was 19. He's a Patriot missile technician. He and my D are having a blast seeing Europe at their new assignment in Germany, and the Army is going to be paying for him to finish his education in a couple of years. When he is 39, he can leave military service and start receiving retirement pay of something like 40% of his base salary every month for the rest of his life.</p>

<p>My H was in the Army for 5 years and has been in the National Guard for the 20 years since then. He is a helicopter pilot and flies attack helicopters. It's been like being paid to have an expensive hobby. Also, as a member of the National Guard, he has participated in humanitarian relief on several occasions. It has been fulfilling and financially rewarding.</p>

<p>Yes, there is a war on, and that certainly adds risk to a military career. But lots of careers are risky. The vast majority of people who enlist in the military will end their service healthy.</p>

40

<p>There are a lot of intelligent people in the military. You might be interested to know that students at many top colleges are enrolled in ROTC. In the Boston area, for example, students from BU, BC, Harvard, MIT, Northeastern, Tufts and other colleges participate in Navy/Marines, Army and/or Air Force ROTC.</p>

<p>Here is a site showing colleges involved with Navy ROTC:</p>

<p><a href="https://www.nrotc.navy.mil/colleges.cfm%5B/url%5D"&gt;https://www.nrotc.navy.mil/colleges.cfm&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>Google for the other branches of service.</p>