Dating/Relationship Issue

Pre-College Issues High School Life
1

<p>My parents grew up in a totally different environment than what i have been raised in, so i understand when they say no to getting a boyfriend. their policy is not until you're 18, and it's because my mom's coworker's daughter got a bf her senior year, and all her grades went down...</p>

<p>however - </p>

<p>what can i do to convince them that times have changed, and that the general population is dating at a much younger age? it could be that they're stereotypically asian (GRADES GRADES COLLEGE SCHOOL GRADES HOMEWORK GPA CLASSES TEACHERS COLLEGE), but i want a bf now. and it's not just because everyone else has one (only about half of my friends do), but there's a guy i like, and he likes me back, and he's just the coolest, sweetest person i know....</p>

<p>you get the point. some suggestions please?</p>

2

<p>thats an easy fix... just dont tell them. Ive never told my parents about any of my g/f's (although they wouldnt mind).They probably figured it out but I just never saw a reason to just tell them.</p>

3

<p>The easiest solution is to not get a boyfriend right now. Apply big, go to Harvard, get a good job, become famous, and guys will follow you wherever you go. You parents won’t object then.</p>

4

<p>thats such a lie... no one cares if you grad from harvard so get a b/f now and love like you can never get hurt :)</p>

5

<p>yeah you should just lie. i go to a school with a large asian (chines, korean taiwanese, indian, pakistani etc.) population and there are so many realtionships that are kept secret from parents. its funny to see people scatterring when parents walk into the room. but really if you dont get the bf now you will probably regret it. besides he likes you, you like him. get him now, then let loose a bit after apps</p>

6

<p>I say you should probably just chill and do absolutely nothing.</p>

7

<p>lol i remember i dated this asian girl and she brought me home one night. Needless to say her dad was going crazy and her mom was crying and then my date just snapped and cursed them out and told them that she was tired of this. I was soooo scared. But anyway, after that her parents let her do whatever she wanted. She parties all the time now and has more fun than anyone i know. She is currently dating my best friend so me and her still talk and she said that her relationship with her dad never recovered but things with her mom are ok.</p>

8

<p>I agree with terry and seifo, just go for it. Don't tell your parents. If you can date him secretly long enough for semester grades to come out, you can prove to your parents that you can handle it.</p>

9

<p>Thanks for all of your advice. With my last relationship, I guess I didn't like the guy as much, so I just never told my parents about it. They sorta knew we went out (he was over once when my 'rents were both out on business trips and my dad came home a day early... yeah, it was pretty funny), but they never said anything. Although it was stressful to plan around everyone's schedule, and to make sure we weren't caught... it worked.</p>

<p>But at the same time, I really like this guy, and I just don't think it would be fair to him to hide it from my parents. It would be stressful to me, for one, but I don't want to complicate things more than necessary.</p>

<p>I started with bringing him up casually in conversation (yeah, and ___ was there too), and yesterday, I told my mom that I like this guy...</p>

<p>Of course, she pretended to blow it off like she didn't care, but I know her better than that. She does care, she just tries not to show it. Although I'm going to be 18 in a few months, she's allowing me to "date" occasionally now, which I consider to be a major advancement from her previous guidelines.</p>

<p>Marking Period grades come out tmr: straight A's, with a B in AP physics. From here, it can only go downhill = ). So should I try to bargain some more, or should I just be happy with what I've gained? Or perhaps I should keep our relationship on the down-low? I never did tell them that we went to homecoming together, and we've already been on three dates... plus we see each other everyday in school...</p>

10

<p>You should Lie, no sense in causing trouble if you can get away with it for a while.... I have a new story (Lol). There is this lebanese(sp?) girl in my gov class. Before a few days ago she always wore that little thing over her head and nobody really paid much attention to her, sometimes it was like she wasnt even there. Well a few days ago she came to school without the head thing, and it turns out that this girl is freaking gorgeous!!!! Well everyone noticed and started asking her questions, it turns out that the girl decided that she wasnt going to wear the thing and her parents have no idea... in fact she said she knows her parents will be so mad that she cant even imagine what they will do if they find out. Basically moral of the story is that this is the time to start pursuing your own interests and discovering your self independently of your parents. Yeah they helped you this far but its your time now. I say live YOUR life and just deal with the consequences as they arise, thats just part of growing up.</p>

11

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<p>Which way are her grades heading now that she parties all the time?</p>

12

<p>terry, moral of the story: beauty is often overlooked.</p>

13

<p>
[quote]
deal with the consequences as they rise

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Haha... what if you didn't have to deal with the conseqences.</p>

<p>Here's a rant that I'm gona start (please don't take this personally terry):</p>

<p>For the most part, parents are almost always correct. That one girl who parties like none other and cursed out her parents? Holy crap, if I were the dad, I'd pull out the paddle, my own choice of words, and become even more controlling than before.</p>

<p>IMHO her parents are weak to allow a girl like that control them and dominate like that. She will understand and --ahem-- mature one day, and realize that what her parents said have some merit.</p>

<p>This girl was asian huh? I cannot believe that she could throw back her tradition, her family values and beliefs out the window like that. If she had grown up in her respective asian country, none of that would have happened.</p>

<p>Although my parents were slightly less controlling (conservative asians, but they kinda let me do whatever I wanted)</p>

<p>Pssh! Freshman Sophomore year in HS I was going out with friends every weekend, getting it on with the girls, etc.</p>

<p>Then, my schoolwork started going down slightly (nothing too serious, a B in physics I), I wasn't doing as well on standardized tests as I should have (one example: scored a 780 on Math SAT I in 8th grade, got a 71 on the PSAT). Not to mention the fact that my work ethic also started slipping, and the size of my wallet (I swear, women are one of the most powerful income-reducing agents in existence).</p>

<p>Eventually, I grew to value everything that my father has told me (one of which is holding off serious relationships until college).</p>

14

<p>" beauty is often overlooked." yea her beauty was overlooked but it was overlooked b/c she followed her parents. If she wasnt forced to wear it then maybe her beauty wouldve never been overlooked. It affected her so much that she didnt even talk to ppl. I remember the first week of school when everyone in the class was meeting each other, she always talked almost inaudiblely and would always kinda look down. Its like the scarf thing robbed her of confidence, its kinda like when the jews were forced to where those stars. Magically after the scarf was gone she was talking and smiling and laughing. In fact Im sure that if someone took the time to research, that it could be proven that those things have some sort of a psychological effect (especially in younger people)</p>

<p>"Which way are her grades heading now that she parties all the time?" Her grades are fine, she was never shooting for anything harvard like so im thinking her 3.5 and 1900 sat will do her just fine, plus she gets the added experience of having fun and developing relationships. She doesnt party like on school days she just parties on weekends like normal ppl...</p>

<p>and for college<em>here</em>I_come... psat doesnt actually predict your score i got a 70 on psat math but yet a 640 on math sat I and a 71 isnt anything bad anyway so i dont get your point here... but anyway maybe your parents were right about YOU. If you cant manage to have a life and take care of whatever needs to be taken care of thats your problem but a lot of ppl can. The girl i mentioned parents were ultra strict. Her sister was like 26 and engaged and her parents wouldnt allow her to move out of their house. The girl would abruptly hang up the phone when her parents were coming... she never was allowed to go anywhere alone. Her parents were weak to be controlled? She doesnt tell them what to do... they were controlling her!! Yeah sure, if she grew up in her asian country she might have their same values but she grew up in america and her parents move to america for a reason. Its cool that you dont want to have a serious relationship b4 college but at least its your choice and your parents arent making it for you, thats the problem here.. having the choice. You have to make choices on your own when you move out. .... But yeah i agree girls totally destroy the wallet.</p>

15

<p>
[quote]
This girl was asian huh? I cannot believe that she could throw back her tradition, her family values and beliefs out the window like that.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Excuse me!??!? So are you saying that it is worse because she does this when she's asian than if she were white, or black, or hispanic? it's like you're implying that asians ought to be held to higher standards... maybe this is the attitude that so many people of other ethnicities despise and look down upon in asians...</p>

<p>
[quote]
If she had grown up in her respective asian country, none of that would have happened.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>oh YEAH. let me tell you, let's give those those oppressive, mysogenic asian societies a HUGE pat on the back, i think they've got the right idea after all about treatment of women...</p>

<p>btw. i was born in china.</p>

16

<p>Rivetta... good point on the values thing, i cant believe i didnt catch that one</p>

17

<p>i want to see what others think so.... bump!</p>

18

<p>i'm conservative so i believe that what parents say tend to have truth in it. U might be looking from a different perspective but what they say does have truth in it whether what u say has truth or not. Personally i follow my morals and values. I just think that we should be careful not to just randomly throw away morals and values b/c we grew up with them. Even before doing so one must examine the consequences b/c whether good or bad there will be big ones.</p>

19

<p>
[quote]
The easiest solution is to not get a boyfriend right now. Apply big, go to Harvard, get a good job, become famous, and guys will follow you wherever you go. You parents won’t object then.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>haha...easier option is get into Harvard and find a guy you like there. The idea is - as long as you find someone who's "good enough" or "too good" for you, they shouldn't have a problem. :P</p>

<p>Anyway, if I were in your situation, I'd just wait til I'm 18. That way you don't compromise morals/values or trust. I mean...a "boyfriend" is nothing more than a label. You can hang out with him without being in a n actual relationship. (lol..who wants to deal with that type of commitment anyway?)</p>

20

<p>LOL I feel the exact same way LadyinRed!!! Why would anyone want to commit themselves to a relationship at such a young age? I mean, in high school, I doubt that many people actually think long-term about any relationship, no matter how much they like their "boyfriend/girlfriend". Why go through all the emotional/financial/parental troubles that come along with a serious relationship when you can just spontaneously hook up with someone you like with no strings attached?</p>

<p>Besides, hooking up leaves one with more options. For instance, I can actually focus on my schoolwork/activities and still get all the "making out" I could possibly desire from any relationship through quick hookups.;)</p>

<p>Wow, I am so going to get shot down for saying this LOL...</p>