<p>I hav a bf- sort of but he's a jr and we dont see much of each other except 4 one measley class. my parents r dead against me dating and even hanging out w/ my friends. i m 2 chicken to sneak out-- what should i do?
plus i am way to shy to talk about relationship stuff w/ him and dont even know where we stand.</p>
<p>sneak out...</p>
<p>he's a junior, which makes you a........?</p>
<p>you're parents won't let you hang out with friends?? that's more than a little weird.</p>
<p>naa. my relationships all fell apart because my parents wouldn't let me hang out with the guy. well, that was at least part of the reasons.</p>
<p>I would talk to your parents about the hanging out with friends issue, but respect your parents' choice about the dating. Don't sneak out, because you will get caught and your parents will lose trust in you. Also, they will be more reluctant about you going away to college since you will be in a totally different atmosphere and there are a lot of dangers you have to watch out for here in college for a young woman. </p>
<p>Worry about getting through high school and college (probably by college your parents will let you date) enjoy life while you're still single...</p>
<p>Don't worry about this dating stuff now, there's plenty of time to worry about that later.</p>
<p>Please respect your parents because they are truly looking out for you. Boyfriends come and go, but your parents will always be there for you no matter what. (Obviously they do or else they would let you do whatever you want and wouldn't be concerned about your well being).</p>
<p>Trust me on this.</p>
<p>Speaking as a parent, teenage years are FOR dating, and the development of interpersonal relationships. Obviously there are unwanted extremes (getting pregnant at age 12), but MHO is that parents who prohibit their children from dating or even hanging out with friends during HS are doing them an incredible disservice. </p>
<p>My observation of families where this has happened is that the kid goes off to college and either continues this sort of loveless workaholism, only to crack and spend half their days in the mental health office, or goes so wild upon getting their first breath of freedom that within their first 24 hours on campus they are shooting heroin in their eyeballs. Not good either way. Best to let nature take its time-worn path, rather than have parents artificially mess with it, either for religious reasons or to produce some sort of overachieving superkid.</p>
<p>Figure out where you stand with him and get "unshy" about this stuff.</p>
<p>Not being able to talk about relationships with people you are in relationships with will make you vulnerable to abuse and other less-than-pleasent situations.</p>
<p>Um, if you're parents against you seeing friends, maybe you should take them to a counselor or something?</p>
<p>I totally agree with smurfgirl</p>
<p>
[quote]
My observation of families where this has happened is that the kid goes off to college and either continues this sort of loveless workaholism, only to crack and spend half their days in the mental health office, or goes so wild upon getting their first breath of freedom that within their first 24 hours on campus they are shooting heroin in their eyeballs.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Not true in every case. I didn't date in high school (I was allowed to hang out with friends) and I'm fine right now and happy with my life. Also, I have not gone crazy or turned into a drug addict and alcoholic. My siblings have not turned out the way you describe the average kid to be like either. </p>
<p>When your parents put a roof over your head, provide clothes for you, pay taxes, provide food on the table, they have a say in what you can and can't do. (I do think the whole not seeing friends thing is a bit extreme, but the dating thing is understandable). If you don't like it, move out. (I'm not directing this to the OP, I mean in a general sense).</p>
<p>My friend's parents didn't let her date in highschool. Her first date in college, she got pregnant. </p>
<p>My parents were cool with me dating in highschool, same with my older sister. My sister abused her privileges and has had a couple of pregnancy scares, I was completely trust worthy and never broke curfew or anything. Depends on the kid I suppose.</p>
<p>not seeing friends thing is uh...not over protective..it's psychotic.</p>
<p>They won't let you see your boyfriend? That sucks and I know what that feels like, my mom took legal action to make it illegal for me to talk to mine, and she sent me half way across the country because he's 18. I'm going to be 17 on Saturday so it's not a big age difference but she decided that she didn't like him, I was never allowed to go hang out or anything but hey think of it this way, it's not bad until they stop letting you go to school. (Yes, my psychotic mother kept me home from school because she didn't want me to be around my friends, and no, she didn't homeschool me. Just didn't let me go)</p>
<p>I agree with smurfgirl's advice.</p>
<p>I first agree with Just_Browsing, and think that if your parents can sense this as well, then smurfgirl is correct; if you can't talk openly about it, then you have no business being involved in one.</p>
<p>reblin.... wow.</p>
<p>to the OP ... this is a tough one ... good luck working it through.</p>
<p>My advice is to first talk to your parents and understand their positon without questioning or arguing their position. "We don't want you to hang out with your friends" "Would you please tell me why not" ... possible answers include we don't know them, we don't like them, we don't like where you are going, we don't want in the car at night with a teenage driver, we don't like how late you will be out, etc ... the list is endless. BTW - I would try to sell the idea of them giving you some freedom now, while living at home, so you're experienced at this stuff when you head out on your own.</p>
<p>Then given their answer see if you can work with your parents to figure out a way around their current objections. For example, if they do not know your friends how about inviting them to your house for dinner or to rent DVDs. Figure out small steps to show them you have things under control and they can trust you. Hopefully, this will work.</p>
<p>It gets tougher if it does not work. Ultimately your parents can not make you do things or not ... but they can impose consequences if you go against their wishes. If you can not get your parents to agree you need to decide if defying them about a topic is worth the cost. While my parents did not forbid me to have a girlfriend in HS they were pretty wierd about it ... for example, they didn't want me to go to an early movie with my gf on Friday night because I track meets on Saturday ... I pushed back and they forbid to go to a movie on Friday night because of the track meet. I let this happen one weekend and it really ticked me off ... and decided this was worth confronting. I asked again the next weekend and got the same response ... I calmly asked "this restriction is because of my track meet tomorrow? ... they said yes ... I then told them calming "then I quit track because because doing social things on weekend nights is important to me". I was an all-state runner but was willing to punt that if that was what was preventing my parents from letting me experince a "typical" HS social life. I was lucky that my parents responded well to my actions and I didn't have to actually quit track; but I would have. My parents and I did not do a good job of talking things through ... if we had communicated well they would have known I had figured out I did better at track meets on Saturday if I did something out of the house early Friday night and that staying home just made me more nervous. I believe if we had talked through these issues we could have figured out a path that worked for both of us without the confrontations we had given our poor communications.</p>
<p>BTW, my parents would kill me if they knew that I am attracted to girls, no kidding.
I just take car to school and go out with my girlfriend after school. But I can't go out with her during weekends or even the Spring Break :(</p>
<p>My parents would kill me too if they knew I liked girls... But that's cause I'm a girl. =/</p>
<p>The not letting you hang out with friends thing is just too weird..</p>
<p>okay, wow. so i'm indian, and my parents are like still pretty old fashioned and believe in arranged marriages, so dating is out of the question period. same with one of my other friends, and she's had TWO boyfriends. both of which were very sneaky relationships, and honestly, all the things she did were not worth it. now she's single and she HATES the two guys she's dated. OF COURSE, this may not be the same as your situation, but just think ... boyfriend, only there for the one year he has left at your school, parents, there for life. but i would talk to them about your friends. </p>
<p>one thing that really works is introducing your friends to your parents, so they'll gain your parents' trust. </p>
<p>as for me, i go to an all girls' school. it was never because i was boy crazy or anything, it's just because i applied to a bunch of prep schools in middle school and ended up getting into a school (coed) that i knew NO ONE from my school was going to. my school, there were at least 5 girls going. but whenever i hear my parents talking to their friends, they just say how happy they are i do go to an all girls' school, i wont get "involved" with any guys. the thing is, i know guys, but my parents dont know. im having my sweet 16 soon, and it sucks cause i cant invite any of my guy friends.</p>