When your values conflict with your parents'...

<p>I have been seeing a guy, 2 months were official, for a couple months now. My parents are foreign and against this stuff…so I didn’t tell them. Well they found out and my dad got really really reallllyy mad. My mom did also, mostly b/c my dad did and b/c I lied about it. They told me to stop talking to him I said OK, but didn’t. they found out again and things got worse. So I stopped talking to him…..</p>

<p>I recently went through crap w/ friends too so im not talking to them anymore. I basically feel so alone. And im 18 and think its ok to have a bf. What should I do? Also, this wasn’t just a teen fling…….it really meant something 4 both of us. I duno if I should go against my parents and see him still….(.it would be hard to keep it a secret and lie again)…….just b/c I want to and its really not wrong or bad.</p>

<p>Your parents don't allow you to date at 18? It's none of their damn business anymore what you do as far as relationships go, and it's not like you will be there much longer (assuming you movie out for college).</p>

<p>ya its retarded.....my dad says i cant until my 2nd year of college...and im def moving out.
its a culture thing...i think</p>

<p>HA you're still lucky. I'm not allowed until I'm in grad school!</p>

<p>well, u c, my parents let me "go out" only if:</p>

<ol>
<li>i'm not obsessing and "gaga" over the guy and stuff (at least they can't tel if i don't show it)</li>
<li>i'm not distracted and do well in school</li>
<li>i don't make big decisions just 2 b w/ him (like go 2 a local college in the future just 2 c him)</li>
</ol>

<p>sorry about wht happend--maybe u might b able 2 talk w/ your parents and say like you're not distracted from school or you just want 2 get 2 know more ppl and stuff. hope things work out.</p>

<p>If you don't mind me asking, what's your ethnicity Melissa? My parents are asian so they can be strict, but I'm 18 too and live away from them. It makes things easier.</p>

<p>turkish.......</p>

<p>yea i supposei coudl try......but i know 99% its a no, so should i just do it neways?</p>

<p>Well...this has kinda happened to me...my parents are Indian and I am doing very well in school and have a bf...he's half black/half white and I am NOT gonna tell my parents...I think they will freak out even though they never actually told me that I couldn't date, I'm 17...I don't know why asian parents are so strict!
I think you should talk to your parents about it and ask why they won't let you have a bf. Tell them how important it is to you for them to respect you. I know it is easier said than done.</p>

<p>i mean go out wit him</p>

<p>No matter what your parents values, they aren't going to be happy if you were lying to them for 2+ months.</p>

<p>First step is apologize for that. THEN move to what you are talking about.</p>

<p>I personally think that just respect your parents and listen to them it will benefit you at the end of the day. I dont want to be rude or anything but whats the chance your going to be with that guy for long. If I were you I would just forget about it esp. when your parents are paying for your education and taking care of you. Just my word dont take personally</p>

<p>i agree with kiran..honestly..if its something u have to think about soo much..i dont think the relationship is that big of a deal..hmm then again i think hs relationships are all doomed to failure..soo u shouldnt listen to me..but i dont think ur parents are out to screw u over..they know what its like..and seriously they would be scared..because at this age..most guys out to gain the same thing..a**..but in th eend..u have to do what u think is best fo ru and ur life..no one can tell u..</p>

<p>melissa if you are muslim u know what u must do, there is nothing wrong against dating in islam, its just that you know relationships come to failure, but you can lose your virginity or other sacred things. If you really love someone, wait til college to find that someone, then go on "chaproned dates" and your parents will definately agree. Listein to kirannnnnnnn</p>

<p>I think you should listen to your parents. sexy desi is right that they don't want to screw you over, they just dont understand the cultural differences between dating here and in turkey. They are watching out for you and when you go against them they see it as if you were spitting in their faces. I dont think you should stop talking to this person, but end any romance and you can pick things up after you finish high school... When you get into college your parents will probably realize that they won't be able to control you forever and may understand better.</p>