<p>I think most would agree that money/education level shouldn't matter when it comes to a relationship. But in my experience, that is a lot easier said than done. </p>
<p>I am not sure if I am being insensitive or if I have a right to be a little annoyed. I'm currently on break from college right now and decided to come home for the summer. Naturally, I've been spending a lot of time with my bf from high school. We've been together for six years now. Lately though, I've been really doubting our future. Its really irritating because we never go out. Ever. I asked him if we could go out to dinner and he said no. I said I understood, then suggested we could split a sundae from dairy queen instead. Again, the answer was "no, I don't have any money". I'm just so irritated. He's 21, refuses to go to college, still makes minimum wage and doesn't own a car. I'm 19, am half way done with my ivy degree, and have a decent paying internship this summer.</p>
<p>I do not mind paying for things in the slightest. But is it really fair that I have to pay in full every single time? This whole summer is also making me very apprehensive about the future. Is it really fair I am working my butt off towards my ivy degree while my bf refuses to get any kind of degree at all? He is a great guy and I have really strong feelings for him. But its becoming really obvious that we don't want the same kind of lifestyle. I don't know if I am right to be frustrated or if I am being kind of a snob. What do you guy think?</p>
<p>lol. But why are you going out with him? I mean, if you were about “that life” I’d understand but you seem to be very responsible. Have you told him to get his a s s up and do something better with his life?</p>
<p>You’re clearly going in two completely different directions in life. Dump him.</p>
<p>There’s a reason people tend to marry people with a similar level of education. And part of that is that those relationships often just work better.</p>
<p>It is difficult to be with any other person in life if they are not as motivated as you are. This rule applies to education or ditch digging. Your BF is past the age of “waking” up to life. If you love him have one last, long discussion about the future and what road he is wanting to be on. Not for you and the relationship, but for himself.</p>
<p>You’re being a bit of a snob… I can understand your feelings and concerns, but have you asked why he has no money? We naturally assume that the person’s to blame and that the situation’s never the problem… For those with a basic knowledge of psychology, this is known as a Fundemental Attribution Error. He could be saving his money to surprise you… Or saving it for (future) college tuition, or a number of other things… Maybe’s saving for a car, or his parents can’t make ends meet? The last time I was “broke” it was because I had to pay for my friend to get her dog taken to the vet. Just an anecdote… To show you that when people are broke, it’s for a reason. You, and the users of CC, don’t know every aspect of his life, so you’d benefit from taking a much closer look at the situation… My grandparents married in college – well, while my grandfather was in college – my grandmother never went to college, and my grandfather went to Emory Law and worked as an accountant at the same time! They’ve been married for about 60 years now… So it can definitely work out fine. Besides, at a later date he may decide he wants to go to college… Who knows. Plus, a cousin of mine did a year at UGA, was an extra in Animal House, dropped out of college to pursue acting, failed at that, then came back home and married a very wealthy girl… Her father gave him a job in real estate, and years later he forged enough connections to open his own firm… He’s now by far the richest one of his family, and both of his brothers are college graduates. A college diploma is NOT necessary to succeed… And people from different backgrounds (you with your “ivy degree” remind me of her and her family money… Your boyfriend and his “minimum wage job” no college remind me of my cousin’s failing at acting) can end up making fine couples! If you have feelings for him, you need to consider HIM, not the things around him… They aren’t one and the same. Does he treat you well? If not, is it his fault he doesn’t or can’t? SO many people seem to be painfully inconsiderate… Please, PLEASE don’t be one of them. Now he may end up earning less than you, and “going nowhere” and you may be the “bread-winner,” but think about it… Do you know a 40 year-old who makes next to nothing and lives with his mother? Most of us don’t… Because it’s nearly IMPOSSIBLE to actually get NOWHERE by middle age… Think long-term, look at the bigger picture, it prevents you from being insensitive.</p>
<p>Sorry if I came off curt or standoffish at times… It wasn’t intentional, but it was probably necessary.</p>
<p>I do think that relationships across different education levels can be very successful, but not if you are aspiring different lifestyles. Have you ever asked your boyfriend what he wants for his future? Does he feel “stuck” in his minimum-wage job or is that exactly the life he wants (as difficult as that might be for you to imagine)?</p>
<p>I actually know several people with a college education who decided to ditch their high-stress jobs to stock shelves or drive a bus or work on construction sites. Why? They actually cared more about their social life (be it family or friends or a hobby) and just wanted an easy job that earned them enough money to get by. Not everybody derives their identity from their career or aspires a middle-class life style.</p>
<p>If your boyfriend feels stuck in his minimum wage job (and only then), you can try to start a conversation about other options he has. That may or may not include college. He could also work his way up, either through promotions in his own company or by going elsewhere, do an apprenticeship in the trades, or become self-employed. </p>
<p>You could also tactfully try to inquire why he is so resistant to the idea of college. Is he concerned about the costs and debt? Fear of failure? Maybe he has a false preconception from his K-12 education that college is going to be all liberal arts and nothing useful? (In which case you could tell him that there are plenty of certificate courses shorter than a year that would prepare him directly for a specific career, e.g. as an EMT or accounting clerk or assistant chef.) Maybe there’s a misconception about some aspect of a college education that prevents him from living out his full potential. But you might also have to accept that he just doesn’t care about the middle class lifestyle that’s so important to you.</p>
<p>If he’s having a hard time making ends meet due to circumstances over which he has no control, it would be humane to stick around. However, if he’s clinging to you because he wants free french fries from BK, and doesn’t have the will to get outta the ghetto lifestyle, then that’s really selfish of him. You decide.</p>
<p>Your issues aren’t from different educational levels. It’s from different lifestyle choices and goals. Probably time to go your separate ways. People change, especially if you’ve been dating him since you were 13, and there’s nothing wrong with that. My ex and I split very amicably after five years when he was 21. Very similar situation. We just realized that we were far better off with different people. We both went on to find better matches and we’re very happy and friends.</p>
<p>Also, degrees aren’t for everyone. My ex got his GED because he dropped out of high school, makes pretty decent money at 22 doing something he loves, and now owns his own home, car, etc. All without any degree.</p>
<p>Different education levels can work. Different lives, goals, motivations, and ideals, though, can not work. You practically live in different worlds.</p>
<p>Putting the money and education aside, you have a right to be frustrated. You’re not simply dating this guy, you’re in a relationship with him. If you two aren’t even doing stuff together, then there’s a pretty decent problem here. You’re already doing quite a bit as it is by initiating stuff and paying for everything.</p>
<p>Have you tried to have a dialogue with him? You know a lot more about this than I do. Maybe you two can find an effective solution.</p>
<p>I’m assuming this guy’s been working since at least 18? How the heck is he STILL making only minimum wage? He sounds pretty shiftless. It’s not a matter of your education, it’s a matter of your lifestyles.</p>
<p>Hmmm, well my husband already has his college degree and a decent career going for him. I make half as much as him as a nanny, but im in college working on my degree. If he isnt really doing anything to better himself, applying for better jobs, attempting a certificate, something- I can see why a future with him would be questionable. I wouldnt want to graduate school and land a good job while my partner has no motivation whatsoever. You are only 19, there are other fish in the sea.</p>
<p>A lot of people will tell you to dump him, but I think you should locate the problem first. Why doesn’t he want to go to college? Is he lazy? Is he afraid? You guys must be pretty close of your relationship has lasted the test of time and distance for so long, but looking towards the future, if he refuses to do anything with his life how will he support you financially if you get married? What happens if you have kids? Will he be a stay at home dad while you make all the money? If so, that is okay if it is something you want.</p>
<p>But also think about the present. This really irks you, and you can’t bottle it up because eventually you’ll have a grudge against him and won’t be happy. You need to figure out what his problem is and then make a compromise or else let him know that your feelings are in jeopardy. You know he loves you if he is willing to do something about it, but if he continues his ways then you know you cannot change him and that he doesn’t care enough about his future with you.</p>
<p>Honestly If he’s a decent guy, he should be willing to take you out! Maybe not to a fancy dinner, but sharing a DQ sundae costs practically nothing.</p>
<p>Yes, you could talk it out with him why he doesn’t want to spend money, maybe why he doesn’t want to go to college and where he sees his future going, but it sounds like he wants a lower working-class lifestyle and that’s not what you want.</p>
<p>Naturally, you’re going to be striving for achievement and learning new things; aspiring. While he’s content with staying pretty much static forever. If you two can’t grow together, you will grow apart. Another thing that tends to happen when one half of the couple is completely supporting the other is that becomes part of the relationship and it’s hard to separate the financial part from the romantic/friendship part.</p>
<p>It sounds like you guys had a great experience being with one another in high school, but now you’re dragging it out when you should really just stay friends and move on. If it turns out after a while that you realize you really love this guy, maybe you can try it again. But I would say go for a while without him, maybe even date someone new. You’ve been with this guy so long, you might not even know what’s out there.</p>
<p>It doesn’t sound to me like you’re worried about his education level/money he makes, but more of the fact that he has a lack of goals. There’s nothing wrong with you feeling insecure about that.</p>
<p>Since it bothers you, you really need to have a conversation about it with him and that may result in the end of your relationship. If it does, then it’s probably for the better. If it doesn’t, more power to both of you.</p>
<p>But I say that once something comes to the point where you’re posting on an anonymous forum online asking for advice from complete strangers, then something needs to be done. There’s a problem.</p>
<p>OP been there, done that… RUN!!! RUN LIKE THE WIND!!! I am sure your value systems don’t align in other areas either… I am sure if you really think about… you are 2 extremely different people… it will become VERY apparent should you marry/have children with him! Trust me! He was good for the 13yo you, but is he good for the 19 yo you? Going to school has really opened your eyes to what motivated/goal oriented people are doing…he could even earn a trade…plumbing/electrician etc… but at 21 he doesnt even want that… trust me, this is as good as it gets!!!</p>