Kids need help, but I would let her make the decision. Sure, share your evolving opinion, but don’t try to talk her into anything. My S struggled the same way ( has always with decisions) but once he made it he never looked back and , more importantly, neither did we. She sounds like a great kid facing her first really big decision- of course she’s freaked out. I think as parents our job is to get them to see it isn’t life or death. She has all the information- she’ll figure it out.
All of your “what if” financial contingencies involve the possibility that you will have increased income or assets that will result in a decrease in eligibility for need-based aid, +2 years after the tax year where your finances improve. So they will be the result of a net improvement in your finances – not a situation where something will become unaffordable.
Merit scholarships can evaporate if the student is unable to maintain whatever GPA is required for the scholarship. So whatever is on the table for AU may go away in year #2, or year #3, or year #4 — if anything the merit is more “iffy” than the need-based aid, because you will know what your income and assets are well in advance of the time they will impact financial aid – but merit aid can be lost with one bad semester due to unanticipated circumstances.
Inheritances generally take time to sort out, and the money from an inheritance is generally looked at as an asset, not income for the year it was received. Plus heirs usually have some flexibility or input about time and manner of distributions. Financial aid impact for assets is much less than the impact for increased income in any case.
You are over-thinking this. Obviously you can afford either school – if the waitlist spot hadn’t opened up, your daughter would be going to AU. Money is important, but it is a factor to be considered in an “if all else is equal” setting – not something that your daughter needs to wrestle with right now.
In terms of inheriting, usually you would not actually receive a substantial inheritance until a year or more after the death of your second parent to die. You would probably be the executor, or one of the executors, and therefore would have something to say about the timing of any distributions from the estate.
On that basis, it seems extremely unlikely that you would lose all of your need-based financial aid because of an inheritance before the 2021-22 school year at the earliest.
That’s a really good idea. We’ll try that when she gets home.
Re: the inheritance- do you know how each of the four wills is currently structured? Many times someone does a will when they are 65 or 68 and retiring- and then put it away for 20 years. The heirs read it once they are gone and realize that the legal and financial advice which might have been appropriate “back then” is no longer. And it’s too late to modify once the decedent is gone.
I have no idea if we’re talking about $50K or a million or 5 million. So that’s a factor as well- nobody may be up to the emotional and logistical and financial challenge of redoing the wills at this point. But assuming there’s a substantial amount of money between the four grandparents, even after assisted living costs and unreimbursed medical, etc. it might be worth revisiting the current structure of the estates.
Not for financial aid, but for the overall goals of each of the four parents. I’ve seen people do stupid things for the sake of more aid (why forgo $100k in order to get an extra 8K in aid for four years?) but it might be worth asking the question.
And nobody gets a cash payout a month after a parent dies- as JHS and Calmom point out, these things take time to unwind and there are options as to how and when. But you have maximum flexibility now while everyone is alive to make sure that each parents wishes are properly outlined in their wills (and trusts, if they have them) and that all the relevant documentation-- power of attorney if they become incapacitated, medical directives, etc. has been addressed.
And if you DO get a cash payout while you still have a kid in college- what better use of a grandparents money then to help your kid get an education??? That might be the best possible use of the money, no? Even losing some aid in the process???
I can’t express how difficult a college decision is for a student. As a current freshman, it was by far the hardest decision of my life and I constantly second guess/ regret my decision even after an entire year. On decision day, I still had three schools on my list and I ended up committing to two of them. I eventually rescinded my offer and then I was actually taken off of the waitlist for another school and the panic hit me again.
I wish there was some underlying moral that I learned that has allowed me to explain which school is the best to choose, but unfortunately there isn’t. As a parent, all I can say is that your input matters a lot, but you should try to not sway your daughter one way or the other. I recommend making a pros/cons list, visiting the schools one more time, reaching out to current students, looking at programs and clubs they offer, think about the location and vibe of the campus, etc.
At the end of the day, it is really a question of which school is going to feel more like home to your daughter. I can’t express enough that if you know a couple of students at the school, it won’t matter. There are so many new people you will meet that will be closer aligned to your daughter’s mindset toward college.
I guess my main argument in writing this is not to be frustrated or annoyed with your daughter. While the situation is frustrating and annoying, this is probably the hardest decision she has had to face in her life, and there isn’t an easy answer no matter what she chooses. I think it’s just important to support whatever decision she decides to make. Please let me know if you have anymore questions or concerns about waitlists or decisions as I have literally been in your daughter’s exact shoes last summer.
You’re completely right about the rankings, that’s why she turned down Brandeis for American. And when Richmond emailed, my response was “why even consider it?”. However she wanted to consider it anyway, even before we received the financial aid email. It wasn’t until we received their offer, which was the best by far ( except for one school which was a clear safety and the least preferred) that we really began to consider it.
My impression now is that she doesn’t trust her own perception enough to feel comfortable with her decision even though DH and I have fully supported and even encouraged AU since the beginning. I don’t know why this is because we’ve always been very supportive of our children and have made very sure not to put them down or undermine them (our older child is the opposite, very sure of herself even when she should listen to others telling her to think twice). But for whatever reason that’s her. I think we should also remind her that’s she liked AU from the beginning - it’s the only school she showed any real enthusiasm for - so what’s making her feel differently now? We asked this before and she couldn’t really answer the question, which means something.
Honestly…as parents, I think you need to take a step back, leave this student alone…and let her make this decision.
From what you are writing here, finances are not a significant variable.
So…just take a break…and let the kid decide which school she wants to attend. That way…she owns the decision.
You also seem to not be totally clear in your own decision making process…going back and forth, back and forth. The affordability question was not a question at all until the acceptance to Richmond happened.
And with a potential job, increased income, and a potential inheritance of some sort, it doesn’t sound like finances will be a factor in the future either.
We faced this with a son a few years years back when he somewhat unexpectedly got off a waitlist. We did as @thumper1 suggests. We did take a step back and pretty much let him decide what he wanted to do. We were there if he had questions but primarily assured him that both schools were good choices, not to worry about losing the deposit on the first school if he felt the waitlist school was better for him, and not to worry about the increased cost of the waitlist school (not substantial but a few thousand dollars difference a year). We asked him to let us know when he had his decision (and to please not wait until the last possible moment if at all possible). He consulted with his older brother, got more info on programs, and made a decision. He did agonize some over the decision but we guessed which way he was going when he came downstairs before he headed to a party, wearing the t shirt of his waitlist school!
Don’t forget that the fafsa is now using prior-prior so that may work in your favor both for a new job as well as a future inheritance.
@collegecrazy2017 I certainly wouldn’t advise this poster to commit to 2 schools as you did. You broke the rules by doing so, and are very lucky none of the schools involved found out, or you might not be a college freshman anywhere right now.
Prior prior for income…yes.
But assets are reported as of the day of filing…so if the family receives an inheritance…and it’s in their account the day they file the FAFSA and Profile…the money is listed as an asset. BUT…as noted above, usually with estates, it takes time to settle, and you can also have some control over when the money is actually disbursed to you.
And as noted…this inheritance could partially be used for college. Assets are not tapped at 100% of their value!
@intparent yikes, you completely understood my point. Also,my point was that a lot of kids struggle with this decision and that it is completely normal to angst and stress over this decision.
So the thing is, we don’t advocate breaking rules or other illegal or improper activity @collegecrazy2017.
@collegecrazy2017 It is completely normal for kids to stress over a decision like this . It is not okay to commit to two schools on decision day.
You talked about getting down to the final day, and said “I ended up committing to two of them.” If you meant something else, you should have described it more clearly.
Thanks for the clarification @thumper1.
You’re right that finances (and rank) shouldn’t be the basis of the decision, which is what we’ve been telling her all along. (Although we can’t ignore finances altogether, if we had no financial aid it could be a problem). We’re pretty frugal, which is how we accumulated the $$ to pay for school, and aren’t people to overpay for things. On the other hand we didn’t want money to be the deciding factor unless a school was absolutely unaffordable. I didn’t even consider schools other than our state university when I went to college and it wasn’t the best place for me even though it was a very good school. So I especially feel that if we can afford it, our children should go to a school that they like and feel comfortable with.
Something that really bothered DD, and to an extent DH and I, was the lack of aid from AU, which was by far the most expensive school after aid, especially as she was well within the top quarter or more of students applying. She felt that her hard work and good grades weren’t appreciated and that the offer was insulting. It’s also puzzling why we didn’t receive any need-based aid from American (we did from every other school she applied to). Apparently they took the value of our home into account. We live in a very high-cost area near a major metropolitan city. While the value of our home could literally buy a horse farm in Florida, it’s an unrenovated, 3-bedroom 1.5-bath cape and truly modest. On a more practical note, we’re not going to sell our home so we can use 5% of its price towards college. And while we do have money saved, we did it by being very frugal (and admittedly lucky to live in a rent-controlled apartment for a time). We feel that our frugality, which is what allowed us to buy our home in the first place, is being penalized by AU. I know this shouldn’t factor in if we can afford it, but it still bothers us (and low amount of merit aid bothers DD).
I wouldn’t say AU is penalizing you or any CSS school that uses home equity imho.
Two families. Same income level. Saved 200k over time.
Family A has 100k in college fund. 100k in savings. Has 200k mortgage.
Family B decides when child is sophomore in high school to put that 200k into paying down mortgage and take out a home equity line for unexpected emergencies. Now they have no money saved for school and zero mortgage.
Or in simpler terms, instead of putting 500 a month into savings plan for college, put extra down on the house and essentially hide it and have someone else pay.
Their net worth is identical.
Why would one family who has savings for school pay more than the other family. Financial picture is exactly the same.
If they didn’t equalize this, I would tell everyone to do as family “b” did in the example and schools wouldn’t have enough funds over time.
Some schools have endowments so large they don’t bother and don’t care about this or they have state support and don’t use css anyway.
Just another way to view it to avoid feeling resentful at the school.
This is just what happens with CSS. Our frugality and savings resulted in us being full pay. While it’s irritating in one sense, it’s also liberating in that money wasn’t a factor in our daughter’s college decision. And for the same reason, it doesn’t have to be in yours.