My daughter’s boyfriend is a decent guy, but seems to take her for granted, in a way that makes her sad- some of the time ( no holiday gift after series of lame/false excuses, no social media posts when teens would expect one, expecting her to drive to his house-but not reciprocating). I do not have any reason to think he is abusive. They both feel they are truly in love and have been dating for about 1 and 1/2 years. And they will be going to college out of state- and pretty close to each other. Anything I can do? I worry that staying with this relationship indicates a lack of self-esteem on my daughter’s part. She is pretty close-mouthed about their relationship, so I really only hear if something is really bothering her- and I know they enjoy spending time together. I really don’t want her to be a young woman who puts up with an unequal relationship or being treated crappily. This is my first experience as a parent of a child in a relationship.
It’s tough because SHE needs to decide what she wants and how much she is going to put up with. If the guy doesn’t feed her needs and she is sad about it a lot, she should realize there are plenty of fish in the sea. Unfortunately, you can’t make that decision for her, though.
It will need to be her decision but you can help by simply listening and essentially saying “it sounds like you are sad about that.”
It could also help if when you saw a movie together, for example, or were watching the news, and something relevant came up that you commented on it. Never about your D but to help her develop awareness.
And frame things for her as “you should do that for yourself. You deserve to treat yourself well.” Maybe she’ll internalize it and realize that includes being around others who treat her well too.
It may be that navigating the social scene at school is easier with a bf, even a suboptimal one, is better than going it alone. Hopefully the next 4 years will give her some better alternatives.