<p>As is obvious just from this thread, different people have different tolerance levels for "pranks" or "mischief". Would I have pressed charges based on the information given here (which we all know is incomplete and one-sided)? Probably not. Do I think the neighbor's a jerk for deciding to press charges? No. There's a reason that these things are illegal. </p>
<p>But that's the risk you take when doing illegal things. You may run into a very sensitive person. There's a concept in the law that "you take the victim as you find him." If you intentionally hit someone with brittle bones, and break one, you can't defend yourself on the grounds that a normal person would have been fine and therefore you're not liable for damages, or guilty of a battery. Similarly, if you vandalize the property of someone who is particularly sensitive to it (for example, this is the fourth time this house has been egged, or you egged the car that was lovingly restored over five years), you can't say, "Oh, I shouldn't be liable or found guilty because a normal person wouldn't care."</p>
<p>Whether I would have pressed charges is not the question. The neighbor is fully within his rights to do so, and we do not know all the facts involved. Perhaps the damage was more extensive than the neighbor thought when he spoke to the OP's husband (and not the kids, remember). Perhaps the kids did damage a new or restored vehicle. The kids chose the wrong target. That may also be a good lesson to learn - if you don't know how a particular individual will react to a practical joke, don't play it.</p>
<p>Wow, I really feel some compassion for the OP. She just wanted some advice on the application and everyone thinks it's ok to criticize how she disciplined her kids.</p>
<p>Every one of us has sometimes realized later that maybe we should have handled a situation differently. That's life. Yeah, so maybe the dad should have taken the kids with him at the beginning. Yeah, maybe the mom should have not been so nonchalant when it happened to her. But they did what they thought was best at the time.</p>
<p>Sooner or later, all these people who are coming down hard on her may have to face such issues (or worse) with their own kids.</p>
<p>The OP DID discipline her kids. I don't think she deserves all the admonishment she's been getting.</p>
<p>I agree that kids should be taught a lesson before their behavior escalates. (I came down really hard when my own son threw his chewing gum on the ground!) But it sounds to me like the parents DID do just that. Some of these posts make it sound like the OP totally let the kids slide, and that's not accurate.</p>
<p>I also agree with MomofWildChild that most of the posters have no clue as to the kinds of things kids are doing. Nip it in the bud, yes, but do keep things in perspective. Be glad your kids aren't selling drugs, stealing cars and stabbing cops, like the daughter of someone I know. How did that kid get like that? Her mom called the cops on her when she took the car without permission. This mom was very strict in many ways. Didn't help. Who knows why some kids end up the way they do. All we can do is do our best in each situation.</p>
<p>As for the original question, isn't the purpose of sealing the child's records to give the kid a chance to have a clean slate? If the records are sealed, then why 'unseal' them on a college app?</p>
<p>If, on the other hand, the records are NOT sealed, then of course 'fess up and explain the incident.</p>
<p>As to whether it would affect admissions, it would probably be just like every other detail on the app - I cannot fathom a minor incident like this, especially since it was at such an early age, affecting acceptance - unless, of course, it comes down to 2 applicants with similar stats, and one has a juvie record and the other doesn't.</p>
<p>I have to wonder where her "normal" smarts went. Egging next door neighor who was a cop and known as a bit of a jerk, what was she thinking ?</p>
<p>Maybe your neighbor canbe persuaded to drop charges by like you offering to have his house or garage painted ? "I'd send her over with a bunch of her friends, the responsible ones, to repaint your garage with the best paint ever made, paid for by me. Yes that would be her punishment."</p>
<p>If that doesn't work, your daughter's age may have saved her, if she swears on clean-living from now on. I would break down doors to find that attorney who knows how to work with local juvenal judges. Great advice, Faline2.</p>
<p>Another word of wisdom, if you will. Although inclined to goofing off big time in high school, given my formative neighborhood's proximity to Chicago, there's no way I would have gone around egging or tp'ing houses. One just didn't know who lived at an address, or who knew who, and as a competitive athlete, I highly valued my kneecaps and other essential body parts. Lest anyone think I am kidding, I am not. I saw acts of stupidity punished in this way by people representing an affiliated group of people engaged in illegal business enterprise, -- more than once. I am consistently amazed by the conduct of some of the lesser behaved kids in my nice, quiet, suburban neighborhood - they have very little idea that going around getting people mad has real risks. The original poster ought to be thankful her daughter just ran across a ****ed off police officer - hey, at least the family is dealing with a legal matter and not a injury or worse.</p>
<p>Wow. I was a goody-two shoes growing up, and thus never egged or TPed anyone's house. However, I have to chime in that such an act would have been considered minor stuff even back then in the 60's and 70's. I agree it is vandalism and there must be restitution and consequences, and I agree the attitude of the kids might be a problem in this case. Still, in the overall scheme of things this is not an act that should make a child a criminal. Now I'm beginning to understand who the people are who think a 5 year old boy who kisses a female classmate should get prosecuted for sexual harassment; who think the little boy who plays cowboys and Indians should be charged with a hate crime and weapons possession; and who believe the girl who gave a friend an aspirin for a headache should be arrested for pushing drugs. Wow.</p>
<p>Wow. I live in the Houston area and I've sometimes noticed TP hanging from trees but I had no idea what it was all about as that was never done where I grew up. I had guessed it might be a HS coach's home (I may have seen that in a movie) but apparently it's random? I never knew about the eggs, either.</p>
<p>Thought some might be interested in how this turned out. The neighbor did press charges. Children had preliminary intake with juvenile probation in December, where kids were told you made a mistake, you admitted it, face the consequences and move on. Court date was scheduled for this week, and we met with kids attorneys last week. Daughter's lawyer agreed to push for deferred adjudication. We told him we had the money to pay the damages, so he made the offer to the county attorney for full restitution up front in exchange for dropping charges. The county attorney told him that our neighbor said we refused to pay the damages, and that was why it was going to court. She accepted the restitution, which we paid last week. All charges were dropped.
What an experience! My kids learned a very hard lesson, and have definitely learned their lesson. My daughter went through a rough time for a while because we were so hard on her. Her normal straight A's dropped to having three A's and three C's. We had given her such a hard time that she thought she had blown all chances of a top school, and she gave up. The juvenile probation officer told me it was time to let this go and quit being so hard on the kids. Over the Christmas holidays I had the chance to really talk with my daughter and understood for the first time what was going on in her head. She went back to school in January and has made straight A's ever since.<br>
To all of those who gave me encouragement during a very rough time-Thank you.</p>
<p>I lost track, but didn't you originally offer to pay all damages? I thought you did and if so I definitely feel your neighbor was being unreasonable...it's not like you were negligent parents or anything and your kids were juvenile delinquents.
Sorry you and your kids had to go through all this...something that reasonable parties on both sides could have easily worked out..and I'm sure as a parent you could have handled giving your kid's the message they needed without involving attorneys, court, etc.</p>
<p>I just read this thread for the first time. I thought that your initial offer to pay for damages and the punishments you gave your children were sufficient. Seems weird to me that no one from the county ever asked about damage payment until right before the court date. I am sorry you and your family had to go through all this. And I hope I never wind up living next door to your neighbor.</p>
<p>I'm glad it is now behind you. As you said your children have learned an important lesson now. Can't you just see their brains thinking, "Gee, if I got in this much trouble for this, I can't even imagine what would happen if I did such and such".</p>
<p>So sorry you had to go through this and that the neighbor was ...well, I'm not sure what exactly. Anyway, thanks for the update.</p>
<p>Oh my, I didn't see this one until today. Egging a cops house, egad! I am so glad it is finally behind you now. I know what you mean about being hard on your kids. As parents who care about their character we can be really hard on them, sometimes too hard. But, this incident will likely keep your daughter from making foolish go along with the crowd decisions in the future. So that's a good thing! I'm glad she's doing better in school. And she should not give up on her goals. Her future is bright.</p>
<p>Your daughter learned two important lessons: one, the consequences of her behavior. And two, that her mom can sit down and really LISTEN to her - and admit she herself (the mom) may have made some mistakes in being too hard. Congratulations: you two seem to have a good relationship maybe made even better by this incident.</p>
<p>
[quote]
The county attorney told him that our neighbor said we refused to pay the damages, and that was why it was going to court.
[/quote]
I think that once the neighbor had cooled down (well after the charges were filed, apparently), he had to rationalize why he was pressing charges against a kid for this and chose to "remember" you had refused to pay for the damages.</p>
<p>"As for the original question, isn't the purpose of sealing the child's records to give the kid a chance to have a clean slate? If the records are sealed, then why 'unseal' them on a college app?"</p>
<p>Records are not "sealed" from the colleges' perspective. Applicants are asked a simple question...."Have you ever been convicted of.... If so, please explain."</p>
<p>Of course, one can lie about it, dishonesty compounding the crime, and I'm sure it happens all the time. And I'm also sure that colleges get honest reports all the time, and, depending on what is written, don't necessarily rule out an applicant as a result. </p>
<p>I'm glad there has been a good ending to this saga!!!</p>
<p>Good luck to you, and thanks for the update. May all of our children avoid hurting others with decisions that are basically capricious and risky. This must have been very hard on you as a mother. Here is hoping you have some new achievements to share with your daughter in the coming year and that the lessons last but the pain fades. </p>
<p>The other day I was recalling how mortified I was when my son (age 4) threw sand at another child in the sandbox over some petty jealousy or impulse. Can you imagine what we have to consider now re worries? My eldest will work in a major US city next summer and then goes abroad. Does he have the judgment to navigate without any big errors? Now our children are living in a digital age where there is simply no place to hide when you do the wrong thing. They face complexity daily at levels beyond our coming of age years.</p>
<p>So far, my eldest approaches age 21 with no incidents that have come to my ear. I am not deluded enough to think he has never made a poor choice. But he is careful, has shown me evidence that he picks extremely interesting and morally alive friends, and he has simply been lucky so far. </p>
<p>He will be a junior next year. I happen to be of liberal bent, the kind of person who does not see things in black and white. However, my advice to any parent of a freshman in retrospect, is to find the right time to actually state your personal values/preferences very clearly to your son or daughter on subjects like drinking (which is just plain illegal now, as well as subject to binge epidode abuse in college use), and sexual activity when you are still too young to assume responsibility for your own life or that of someone else. I had a "good" high school kid, but when he was gone I sometimes wished I had not taken that aquiesance to our values for granted and had been quite specific in making statements of advice for his late teens. I think there is ample evidence to show that young adults are influenced by family values and parent opinions. Make sure you have a few explicit talks with her before she goes about governance of personal life issues.<br>
One of the great things I do appreciate about my son's college years, is recognizing that he now seeks advice from peers and some of them seem to be entirely worthy of his trust and quite helpful. We are replaced, and that is just part of the circle of things. However, take this last chance in the coming months to give her your final words on personal issues. You can influence, and our kids do care what we think.</p>