My daughter has been accepted to 2 schools. They shall remain nameless at this point unless it becomes necessary to name them as I really don’t want to get into the tier thing. Both schools were on our radar. My daughter’s first choice, (School A) after visiting gave us a substantial amount of financial aid (46,500) for this upcoming year. We would need to come out of pocket about $11,000 for tuition plus another $2,000 for books, trips etc. This school is about 5 hours from home. The other school (School B) peaked my interest because of the student support that is available. She was given a 4 year Scholarship which includes books. I have to be honest, money is a factor. The 13,000 is a factor, and would create a situation where we may struggle if any additional expenses come up. My daughter is willing to accept the second choice because she knows that we will not be in a financial position to send her much money if added expense come up. She stated that she does not want to be “the poor kid on campus”. We have discussed it as a family and know that accepting the 4 year full scholarship would make it more comfortable for us as a family and we will be in a better position to bring her home more often as well as send her money for extras. We have not committed to either yet and are going on revisits next week. We as a family have decided pretty much to take the scholarship because my daughter stated that she would be happy at school B. For some reason I am apprehensive about the revisits. Supposed my daughter has such a great time at school A revisit that she is now conflicted about going to school B. I am feeling really stressed. I don’t want my daughter to be disappointed but I also do not want her feeling like the “poor kid on campus either.” Open to any input.
First of all, I’m not sure at which school she thinks she’d be “the poor kid on campus.” The one that doesn’t cover all expenses so there might be less extra money for things? Or the one where she is on full scholarship?
I imagine you looked at the financial aid records of the two schools. Some schools have as much as 40% of the student body receiving aid, so it’s not like there’s just one obvious charity case on campus. At my D’s school, no one talks about wealth or who has financial aid. It might come out inadvertently, say in talking about where you went over spring break, or when a student treats the entire class to a birthday surprise, but at D’s school everyone is very nonjudgmental about it.
D receives 85% financial aid and yet her best friend’s family owns two homes, both in very prestigious and scenic areas, along with sending their 3 kids to private school, full pay. Yet D has spent time at their homes and her friend has come to our much more modest home, and they are best buddies and roommates.
Is it worth it to struggle to send her to School A? A very personal and difficult choice. But if you are all agreed on committing to School B, why even go to admitted student days? As you fear, it could open up a can of worms. It sounds like you have visited both schools and are satisfied that she will be happy and get a good education at School B and it will be better for the family overall. Just go with it.
However, it sounds like you or she may have lingering doubts. In that case go to revisits but only with full understanding that she may want to go to School A after all. Why revisit if the school is off the table??? You are talking about $52,000 out of pocket, minimum. Expenses will likely increase each year and financial may not or may not keep pace. So don’t revisit if you’re not ready to embrace that possibility.
I strongly recommend, that if your minds are really made up, skip the revisits or only visit School B. Plenty of kids never make it back for revisits and plenty of the kids that will be there will not ultimately enroll. Not going to revisit day had absolutely zero effect on D.
I concur with @alooknac , only visit school B.
Away from the financial angle, if School A would be first choice, have you considered approaching School A and politely asking if they would consider more aid given the amount you received from School B? All they can do is say no, right?
As far as the 1 year vs 4 year thing, I’ve never heard of anyone being disappointed in subsequent years FA as long as the family’s financial situation remains the same. I think most schools try to keep it affordable for those families qualifying for aid.
I agree with the notion that you should only visit School B. Which revisit day is first?
I agree with much of what has been posted above…see if you can go to the B revisit day first and then if she enjoys the day, can envision herself there and is excited about it, sign the papers. Full FA is an amazing opportunity, and if it might make it easier to pay for college down the road save the extra 13K per year for college and don’t look back at school A.
It sounds like you have made a personal decision already. I agree with previous posters- do not attend the revisit day as this will put your child in an uncomfortable position.
Thank you all so much. I thought the same thing about skipping the revisit for school A. The revisit day for school A is A is on March 31 and the revisit day for School B is April 1. As far as the statement “being the poor kid on campus” is concerned. We have discussed it and my daughter’s concerns were not being able to go on extra trips or going out with friends because we may not be able to afford to send her much extra money if she goes to school A. Thank you all so much. You all have actually confirmed what I was thinking but I needed that extra confirmation. This is my youngest child and the only one with boarding school as an option and we as a family are very excited about it.
Some of the additional costs that I pay for my BS son which aren’t included in tuition:
Books
Clothes
Travel
Yearbook
Sports team dinners
Dorm feeds (parents take turns)
Laptop
Lessons (music/sports)
Software license (Windows and Office)
Phone
Pizza delivery
As you can see, this adds up. Unless there is a drastic difference in the quality between both schools I would choose the cheaper one.
Visit both, but if your daughter is mature enough she will make the decision on her own.
school B all the way. lock it in,don’t revisit school A, and don’t keep looking back wondering if you made the right choice. it is far better to focus on all the positives of school B and having the bet possible experience there.
School B 4 year full scholarship includes tuition fees for on-campus activities, technology, athletics, publications, and Health Center
Congratulations! It sounds like you have been given an incredible gift. School B is the one willing to make a huge investment in your daughter. Love the school that loves her most, and don’t look back.
The way I figured for my dd’s upcoming freshman year, “another $2,000 for books, trips etc” might be an underestimation. Depends on schools there might be some necessary extra payments of lessons and activities as well as spending money for weekend activities outside of school.
There are also additional expense. Don’t underestimate clothing needs for a 14 years old girl who will be constantly thinking about it unless hers meets certain minimum standard that she believes necessary, even though it might be irrelevant to her friends eyes. What if she is invited to her friend’s family’s ski trip? etc etc. She already expressed that she doesn’t want to be the poor kid at school A. Who would?
All of you are absolutely right! My daughter has always worn uniforms so this is actually the first time that she will go school shopping for clothing to wear daily. Thank you so much!
I have no advice other that the “poor kid on campus” comment. Unless either school is totally different than my son’s, she won’t feel that way. They all know everyone else’s financial situations (I don’t think it was a topic of conversation one night, but I think it just came out every once in awhile.) Anyway, what I’m trying to say, is his friends don’t care. And he thinks it handy to remind everyone that he is significant FA when they ask to borrow money. 
Congrats on your Daughter’s success. Go revisit both schools. It’s bad advice to tell you not to revisit a school that gave you a significant financial aid award. During the revisits the schools will try to sell you into attending the school. If you need more money ask for more money. AD’s lose their jobs over poor yield %. It may not match the award from School B, but it will be more competitive. It’s great that your D understands the value of a dollar, so in the end if they aren’t flexible you sought every opportunity. Good luck!
I suspect that School A could give a little more in FA by request but might not be able to give you close to $13K more. School B sounds like a solidly good choice with a big plus of being closer to home. If you can’t find “anything wrong” with it, I’d just go for it and never look back.
If you’re feeling really conflicted, you can tell A now that you are grateful for their offer but cannot accept it because you have another that makes this much more affordable. $13,000/year is a lot of (after-tax) money, and you could stash that away for college. If A wants to match before re-visit, they can, but I tend to agree with @panpacific, it’s unlikely that they’ll completely match. And if they can’t, you can drop out now (and possibly open up a space for someone else.) I agree that it’s a bad idea to visit a school you can’t afford. Choosing a BS is in many ways no different from choosing a college 4 years from now. If you plan to allow your daughter to apply only to colleges you can afford, this is a great way to start that conversation. And it sounds like it’ll have the added benefit of showing her that such a “limitation” is hardly a handicap.
It clearly isn’t. Handicap and lack of certain privileges are different. I feel that preteen is a good time to learn that along with family’s financial status.
I want to play devils advocate here… but if you can afford to visit both then I hope you do. I personally know how the money is a huge struggle but your child will be living there and on their own for four years. Make sure the fit is really there. You could go into the revisits looking to affirm your excitement for school B! … more information the better. also… my kid has never felt stressed about being broke compared to some friends. It has no importance at their school. That kind of climate is exactly what you should be searching out if you revisit both.