If you had 2 job offers and one was a higher salary but you slightly preferred the one that offered you less, you would at least attempt to talk to the lower offer about increasing it, right? I don’t see how this is any different. As long as your daughter understands that she cannot attend School A without more FA, I don’t see any harm in going to revisits at both schools. I agree with the other posters who recommend visiting both schools and starting a dialogue about FA with School A.
“And if they can’t, you can drop out now (and possibly open up a space for someone else.)”
Although a nice sentiment, you shouldn’t worry about this. Take every day you need up until April 10th to make your decision. Given the school’s yield management, your daughter not attending may or may not open up a spot for another student and even if it does, all that can be addressed post 4/10.
I am sure that you all are used to this but I came home from work yesterday to a beautifully hand written card addressed to my daughter from school A congratulating her on her acceptance and telling her how special she is and how impressed they were with her during her interview etc. Today she came home from school to a pair of socks with school A emblem on it. But to balance some of that out we received an invitation to a reception with cocktails in New York City from school B. This can really wear you out.
I think, like many others, School B sounds like a better option. However, asking for a little bit more generous FA to School A wouldn’t hurt either. See how it goes and then decide. Congratulations on having such a mature child! I am sure she will be equally happy at School B.
Some schools do offer the bare minimum FA knowing that many families would choose to scrimp and spend at the limit of sanity to be part of the community at a “top” school. On the other hand, some “other” schools make a play for an applicant with an outsized FA package.
Without knowing the schools, it is impossible to say for certain that school B with the much better FA is the best choice, but school B is probably the best (better) choice.
It’s not an easy decision, but for FA-type families, first, it is important to apply only to schools that you would definitely attend without reservation if that particular school was the only acceptance. Second, it is probably a good thing to go into 10 March having already decided that in the event of more than one acceptance, the school with the best FA offer is the only one you would consider attending, assuming there is an actual difference in the amount of FA offered.
I think the key here is to make sure school B is a good fit. Because it’s closer to home and gives significant more money, if it’s on par or even slightly lesser than school A then it’s a no-brainer. At this point, if I were OP, if there’s still doubt about school B I’d open a “school a vs school b” thread and find out if there are major concerns about school B you’d want to look into. $13000/year is quite significant but if you could afford school A even if they wont give you more, and if it’s a much better school or better fit, it might be worth the extra cost. It’s four years of your kid’s life after all. So, what schools are involved matter and how much you know about them especially School B matter too.
I am in the ask for more money camp. If you can narrow the gap then school A may come out the winner. I don’t think every 14 year old girl has a lot of extras at boarding school either. My daughter only has the occasional milkshake on her tab as there is little opportunity for her to go off campus and buy much, the situation is quite different when she is at home and can now drive herself to the mall! That said, she is one of the less well off kids at her school and it is a total non-issue. The only obvious difference is where kids go on vacation, and maybe some wardrobe upgrades. It is considered pretty uncool at most of these schools to be overly “flashly.” The fashion choices center more around “Can I get away with sweat pants?” You have a few formal occasions every year and a few “nicer outfit” days but everyone repeats outfits ad naseum.
I should add that she buys her books used at the school bookstore and then returns them for a credit at the end of the semester. We haven’t been able to afford to send her on some of the truly fabulous school trips to India, South Africa etc. but she understands our financial situation, she never felt really left out because of this, and we hope she will be able to do some of those things in college. Her spring break this year consisted of lining up a summer job, having an international friend visit us, and a train ride and two nights in a hotel in a city with classmates to revisit schools.
And for those concerned about girls and fashion, start scoping out the thrift/resale/consignment shops… GG is known as one of her school’s most fashionable and does a sizable chunk of her clothes shopping at thrift shops . I agree with all who said, “all things being equal, choose the school with the better package.” And as @SculptorDad noted, that “$2K in additional expenses” can add up to quite a bit more than $2K fairly quickly. With School B’s additional perquisites (athletic fees, books, trips, etc.) you will be able to be a “little” indulgent. For a high school kid, even an extra $25-50 a month in discretionary spending can be a big deal.
Also you might check what additional costs financial aid covers. I know at our school there is a separate stipend for books, computer and tablet that is offered to kids on financial aid. This amount is not included in the tuition portion. Totally separate. The same is true for study abroad. Whatever $$ would have been paid toward tuition are shifted to the study abroad costs.
It seems boarding school kids often goes out to a nearby town on weekends. They will need to probably pay for a meal, 1~2 drinks, a movie perhaps, or bowling, may be there is a nice inexpensive t-shirt with a favorite image on it. Sum of that multiplied by number of school weeks.
What if they want to try a new instrument? It seems lessons are extra at most schools too. Joining horse riding team - used boots and jean may be enough for weekend lessons at a local ranch, but I am guessing not when you are at a BS and other girls have better equipment. My dd hasn’t even started BS. But it seems there are endless new expenses that may come from a kid being in a BS, just becoming a teen, and perhaps additional from combination of being in a BS student and a teen.
Additional expense might be a lot more than that 2k. And additional financial benefit from the full scholarship school could be a lot more than the tuition.
I am not talking about luxury. Just bare minimum to be not that obviously poor kid. Money may not bring happiness, but it can remove many real sources of unhappiness, even for children.
Yes, about music lessons. Some schools prorate music lessons at the same rate as FA. Some schools do not (GG’s school is one of those). IMO this can create a situation where students on FA can’t really afford supplemental music lessons. It’s worth asking both schools about this. In at least one case, when we were looking, a school that didn’t seem to offer the same FA as the school we ultimately chose was actually much closer on more careful inspection of what they covered. The same applies to spring break trips for language or cultural immersion, etc. Some schools have funds set aside, others do not. GG’s school has a very strict graduation dress requirement, and it can be pricey to find a dress that meets the requirements. There is a long tradition of passing down dresses and even donating them to the school, which has started a “graduation gown library” of sorts. They also have scholarships for school rings. Ever school does things differently. But the difference of a couple thousand a year is, of course, several $K over four years.
Another thing I am guessing about kids, especially self conscious girls is that, it might be more important that if you can choose to pay for new textbook and dress than actually spending the money. One can happily make economic decisions when she feels financially secure, while a small luxury may become a source of resentment if she can’t pay for even if she wants to. I wouldn’t pay for that $13k+ if it means hurting financial confidence of my dd while she is in that school.
Everyone uses used textbooks at the BS my kids attended if available, often reselling amongst themselves. Using used textbooks is definitely not an indicator of who is on FA and who isn’t.
Like anywhere, just teach your children not to get sucked up into the game of “keeping up with the Joneses”. It never works and is never rewarding or financially smart. There will always be someone who has more than you. Always.
Many of the items listed in some of these posts would be expenses incurred whether the child is staying home or attending boarding school. Clothes, Yearbook (at my kids school it was included in tuition and did not cost extra like public school), lesson, instruments, etc. would be incurred either way if you choose to spend money on it.
On the textbook front, SO many students purchase used textbooks that there’s no social stigma attached - much like college. Textbooks are a commodity and as such they are bought and sold (used) among the students… a spate of emails by students will go out at the end of every spring offering to sell their current course books to the first taker. But other items? Yes, it’s nice to at least have the option. It’s also important to teach a student to live within his or her means. So if your student doesn’t have as much as some of the others? Oh, well. Learn to budget, and get creative with activities. Most schools have some form of on-campus goings-on most weekends that doesn’t cost anything (movie nights, an in-school event or dance, etc.)
A small perhaps unimportant note on text book; What about previous edition books? Sometimes it’s nearly $100 cheaper than the new edition book, whether used or new. And often in college, either there is no real update at all or the textbook is seldom used anyway. And acceptable condition with heavy coffee stains that costs 1 cent and very good condition that costs $70? I have bought both the previous edition and acceptable condition for dd’s college courses in the past, and learned that it’s worth to buy the current edition very good condition books.
Another cost to factor in is for the team spirit attire. My kids school has a tradition of each sport team choosing to purchase a clothing/spirit item, non uniform, that all order. I have told my daughter not to drink the koolaid but she feels “everyone” is doing it. One sport brought her home with a pair of $85 lululemon tights with her name on them. So not necessary. Each season, though, the pressure is there.
I think it is REALLY worth reaching out to school A and giving them the chance to offer the same financial support. They are already close enough that they clearly value your child. Let them know what they are up against. It is totally okay to do so. Then, if they do offer the same package, visit both and enjoy choosing.
. I agree with all who said, “all things being equal, choose the school with the better package.” And as