Okay, I know being an RA and a student at the same time can be difficult. And I never expect an RA to follow every single rule, but my RA is driving me insane. I hate to say it but from what I’ve seen of her performance so far, she seems to only be concerned about the social perks of being an RA and not anything else. She’s great socially and gets along well with the others, but when it comes to doing her actual job, she doesn’t do anything. In fact, she does the exact opposite of EVERYTHING she told us NOT to do!
For example, she told us that quiet hours start at 9:00 pm on weekdays. It’s currently 1:00 am and she’s sitting in the hallway having a casual conversation outside of my room as if it’s the middle of the day! I understand the elections going on, but we still have classes tomorrow and I have to get up early in the morning! There was a time where someone above me was jumping or stomping around loudly. So loudly that it startled me out of my sleep. I had gone to sleep at around 3:00 am due to the fact that I had been up studying for exams. I woke up at 5:00 am due to the constant banging and stomping. Finally, when I couldn’t handle it any longer, (I waited until about 6:00 am to text her) but I just told her about what was going on and she replied basically telling me to handle it myself. Ever since that day we haven’t been the best of friends.
She always has her boyfriend over (literally all day every day) which I normally wouldn’t care about if it weren’t for the fact that we only have one bathroom on a floor of four people and we can hardly keep a roll of toilet paper past one day. She doesn’t clean up after herself and always leaves her dirty dishes in the sink in our downstairs lobby. During the school’s family and friends weekend, I can remember parents (including my own) looking in the sink with disgusted looks on their faces. I was even embarrassed at one point! Residents complained for weeks, heck I think that they’re still there!
She’s the only RA in our building unfortunately and as much as I would love to talk to her, I feel like I would be the only one to have anything to say. The other residents love her so I fear that if I saw something, I might come off as petty or something. I would just like for her to remember some of the things that she told us at the start of the semester such as quiet hours, respecting others study and sleep times and keeping the noise down and what not during these times (Though you’d think that to be common knowledge already?), etc. I’ve told her that I have AD/HD so certain sounds that most people wouldn’t notice or can manage to ignore, stand out to me and are hard for me to block out; especially when I’m studying.
As far as her talking outside your room at 1 am, you should,have stuck your head out the door and asked her to please stop talking as you have classes early and are trying to sleep. Regarding the rest, dirty dishes in the sink isn’t really worth reporting, but if there is constant and continual failure to respect quiet hours and her boyfriend always being around, I think it’s fair to let the residence office know what has been going on, provided she has been asked befroe to repect the rules.
Being an RA is sometimes like being on the board of a homeowner’s association. Residents want the board to resolve issues with their neighbor, often without trying to politely trying to resolve it themselves. Have to agree with @Lindagaf - of someone is outside your door making noise at a late hour, stick your head out and politely ask them to move. If someone is making noise above you, find a time to politely go up and knock on their door and make them aware (they might not know) how loudly the sound carries downstairs. That said, if you are sound sensitive, consider getting noise cancelling headphones or earplugs. Unless you have an accommodation on file with the disabilities office, the responsibility of managing what might be considered routine dorm noise is going to fall on you. As for dirty dishes, if you know for sure that they are the RA’s then say something to her and ask her to clean them up. It can be a health hazard.
While that would be optimal, the OP’s likely reluctance to do so is due to the following:
The one talking loudly IS THE RA, the individual whose duties INCLUDE ENFORCING DORM REGULATIONS INCLUDING QUIET HOURS. It's one thing when it's a regular student who is committing dorm violations. It's quite another when the one doing it is also occupying a position where one of her stipulated duties is to prevent and to put an end to such violations when called upon by residents and/or the college administration.
In that case, I agree with OP that the RA isn’t doing her job. Worse, she’s a bit of a hypocrite considering she was the one who briefed all dorm residents about dorm quiet hours and other rules and regulations they must all follow.
The fact the RA's popular and in many college living situations, the one making complaints, however legitimate, is often viewed negatively. This could result in serious negative social repercussions within the dorm for OP.
Like too many adults IRL, there are many college students who not only pointedly disregard any complaints about noise or other issues/behaviors affecting other neighbors, but will retaliate against the one bringing the complaint to resolve it personally without involving RA/higher level authorities.
Thus, the necessity of employing an intermediary whether it’s the RA, board member, landlord, and/or law enforcement officer.
To the OP:
IF YOU CAN’T resolve this issue with the RA’s noisy behavior/dishes with her directly, you do have the option of escalating the complaint to the dorm administration(a.k.a. her bosses). And in that case, you should IMO as that shows the RA can’t be bothered to follow the very dorm rules and regulations she’s charged with enforcing and thus, not doing her job.
However, this could take some perseverance and one may need to be prepared for negative social fallout from dormmates who like the popular RA.
Interesting. The ones I’ve had were very conscientious and came down hard on dormmates who violated quiet hours or other dorm violations. Was a key factor in setting the tone of respect for quiet hours and made the 2 RAs in my dorm very popular with the vast majority of us residents.
Only exceptions were a couple of Conservatory piano majors who constantly whined about the RAs locking down the dorm piano at 10 PM to comply with quiet hours because they’d rather not bother to trudge ~2 blocks down to the conservatory where they had plenty of pianos dedicated to conservatory students who needed to practice…especially late at night.
And I’ve known of cases in my college and ones my friends attended where the RAs were disciplined or even fired for not enforcing dorm regulations or worse, violating those regulations themselves. Thankfully, they tended to be an extreme minority of RAs who mostly do their very best for their residents.
With all due respect to the OP, these items seem like normal dorm living. It is just something that you will have to accept. So many times in life you will have to step back and say “ok. Either they change or I change”. I doubt you are going to have any luck changing dorm life with noise and messy people. You are the one who is going to have to adapt to it. Sorry but such is life. On the positive note, this is part of the whole college experience of living in a dorm and learning how to get along with people of different habits.
I know it feels frustrating to you now but you will look back on this time in your life with a chuckle and chat with your friends…“Remember when that RA…”. You will all laugh and have a good time.
First I would address the issue as they come along if they are directly affecting you… Open your door and say “Could you guys take your conversation to the lounge? I need to get to sleep.”
I would go to someone up in the food change from the RA…if there is an Resident Director or the Housing Office and go to them and say “I would like some advice on how to interact with my RA…specifically how to get her to adher to the dorm rules. We have quiet hours at 9:00, but on many occasions she has been talking outside my door at 1am or when people were banging aroudn at 5am so loudly that it wakes me up, I asked for her help and she told me to handle it myself. She also has her boyfriend over every day and there ends up being no toilet paper as they are planning for 4 people not 5. In addition she leaves dishes in the sink in the lobby…i heard many disparaging comments by parents during Parents weekend about this so I am not the only one who noticed. Obviously there is a power imbalance between us so could you give me advice on what to do? The distractions are keeping me from being able to study and sleep.”
The reason you phrase it this way is to 1) Not come across too confrontational 2) Shown you have tried to address some of this with her 3) Get them on your side to address it 4) while still explaining the issues you are having.