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<p>I’ve spent the last four years ‘modulating’ and it worked exceedingly well for DD1. Better than we had thought, in fact. </p>
<p>I do agree with the cub treatment, tho, since the older cub was not exactly a Rhodes Scholar in HS and had to be Tigered into doing her work on time… While the younger cub has no problems bringing 4.0’s with little to no effort, she needs to learn to focus her skills to something other than Mega Video, computer games, Facebook, and the like…</p>
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<p>Bingo… Most immigrants seem to manage to suspend reality in their immediate peer zone…</p>
<p>OP - 2290 is an excellent score. Did you make NMSF? I would say apply to University of Alabama, take as much as you can get in scholarship and run away from home!</p>
<p>Thats what our kid threatens us with btw when we say - but we have to foot your bill and so you need to listen to us when making these major decisions.</p>
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<p>From what I’ve seen and witnessed in my family and various similar immigrant communities, B & C are the epitomization of “working hard for success”…especially in cultures which traditionally venerated education…which isn’t limited to Asian/Asian-Americans. Professions outside the “winning circle” are seen as either only open to those who are not “outsiders” like they are or where the odds of success are remote because they don’t fully understand US society and culture. </p>
<p>Many older generations of Jewish and Eastern European immigrants had similar attitudes…though that tends to peter out as they’ve became more integrated into US society and thus…feel more secure. Much like second-generation and later Asian-Americans with the exceptions of some remaining pockets of anti-Asian racism in US society. It’s a phase some immigrants communities all seem to go through when transitioning from fresh immigrant to second generation.</p>
<p>Fully understanding a culture and society different from one’s society of origin is a lot harder than most people realize. I just need to recall the dozens of clueless American/European students/tourists studying abroad/touring in China in the late '90s to see how most people still seem to act as if they were still in US/Europe and end up offending the locals with their cluelessness…much like how Americans are offended when foreign tourists, expats, and recent immigrants do the same here in the US of A. And that’s despite the fact that even back in the '90s…there was greater and freer access to information available to the Americans/Europeans.</p>
<p>OP, I’m a fellow Asian student. I registered just to offer my two cents. I think you would be taken more seriously if the title was “Dealing with Overbearing Parents” rather than “Dealing with Asian Parents”. Asians do not have a monopoly on overbearing parents. How would you feel if you saw a post titled “Dealing with Asian Kids” but it was really about “Dealing with Whiny Ungrateful kids”? Besides, it’s odd that you are stereotyping your own ethnic group. It’s usually the other way around: Other people think Asians are all alike but Asians look at one another and think, “Are you kidding me? We are nothing alike!” Which part of Asia are we talking about anyway, east, south, west, north, central? It’s a rather large continent.</p>
<p>That said, if your parents were really how you portrayed, you should stand up to them and tell them you don’t need their money and you will get the education YOU want on your own. Your stats are OK. You should be able to get substantial merit scholarships as long as you were not hung up on labels yourself. You can also work part-time, get summer jobs, or even take a gap year to fund your education. Lots of students do that, Asian or not. You are an adult. You are trusted with a vote for the president and a license to drive a lethal weapon. Time to grow up and take charge!</p>
<p>I am also taking this route, but for a very different reason. My parents are complete opposites of yours. They tip-toe around my feelings almost to a fault. I’m not an easily-bruised “strawberry generation”, for crying out loud! I think they feel guilty for coming to America and making their children unwilling immigrants and potential targets of stereotype and prejudice. Anyway, they have worked very hard to provide for me up to now. I don’t want to take more money from them. They went to college without any family aid – public education is cheap where they came from, and they worked through college. If they could do it, why can’t I?</p>
<p>I know I won’t get any need-based aids, but I have a good shot at full-ride merit scholarships from a few schools that rank below top 50 but are strong in my intended major. If I only get full tuition scholarships, I will get a loan (yes, co-signed by my parents) for room and board, and work from day 1 to pay down the debt. Would my parents rather send me to an Ivy? I suspect they do (even though they don’t show it). But this is my life and I’m taking charge. I know I will make my parents proud someday but that’s beside the point. I’m not doing this for them; I’m doing it for myself.</p>
<p>While there is merit in selecting ‘winning professions’ and attending the ‘handful of colleges’, what it really boils down to is that if we end up in a situation where only Ivies are employable, period, and where only MD’s and members of the Yakuza can earn a decent living, then we will have serious problems that are far deeper than getting a job. Kurt Vonnegut put it quite well in “Player Piano”. </p>
<p>This is more political than parental in nature - a parent may be concerned that a PhD in Philosophy from Directional State U. is not useful - sure. But if we get to the point where only a fraction of people have the keys to success, chances are the Tiger 1% won’t have any paying customers, so that’s all she wrote. The political reality of huge unemployment will result in many such professions losing out like the rest of us. I have friends and neighbors who are into ‘lifestyle’ MD or dentist specialties (orthodontics) and they report business is very affected. Imagine how it’d be if more people can’t afford their services. Safer, yes. Safe, not by a mile. </p>
<p>One also has to wonder whether such tendencies were carried all the way to the US from abroad; At the surface they are. MD’s may be a revered profession, but so are teachers, and I’d be willing to bet Mr. and Mrs. Tiger would have kittens if Cub A decides to major in Elementary Education and the like. </p>
<p>As I said, the means are noble (nobody died by a few extra hours a week of Kumon (ok, shoot me)) but the rationale often isn’t.</p>
<p>Is OP still around?
this is the recommend from CC kids
[Amazon.com:</a> The Overachievers: The Secret Lives of Driven Kids (9781401302016): Alexandra Robbins: Books](<a href=“http://www.amazon.com/Overachievers-Secret-Lives-Driven-Kids/dp/1401302017]Amazon.com:”>http://www.amazon.com/Overachievers-Secret-Lives-Driven-Kids/dp/1401302017)
there this scary Asian mom of a student named AP Frank.
all (supposedly) true story.
You are not alone, it is never enough for them(parents) no matter what.
and in the end,
YOU WIN!!</p>
<p>Just a comment that I wanted to throw in for the OP: Many of the founders of the United States had a deep philosophical commitment to equality. This is often forgotten, or taken as hypocritical, because of the grievous flaws in its implementation in the US. However, I think it was sincere, for many of the political thinkers of the era around the Revolution; and the idea itself should not be rejected on the grounds that it wasn’t put into practice well at all.</p>
<p>The idea of equality means that a person’s worth as a human being is not connected to accomplishments. All people should be accorded equal dignity.</p>
<p>Recent immigrants from some countries may have come to the US more for economic opportunity and freedom than for the American belief in equality–however, when you move to a different culture, you have the opportunity to take in all of its aspects.</p>
<p>OP: If you read some of the 18th century political philosophy that provided some of the intellectual foundations for the American Revolution, you may find some powerfully liberating ideas.</p>
<p>The points that Charles and Mary Beard made about the economic motives written into the Constitution are important to keep in mind, but that should not cause one to totally overlook the political philosophy that contributed to its form, as well.</p>
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<p>Actually, during the Revolution…only a few extreme radicals like Thomas Paine really believed that…and that was one of the reasons why he ended up getting sidelined after the American Revolution. </p>
<p>Many of the founding fathers not only displayed hypocrisy such as owning slaves(i.e. George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, etc), but also didn’t necessarily believe in equality in the ways it is now idealized in US political and social culture. </p>
<p>Most felt such fear of the “masses” participating “too actively” in the political process beyond well-off landowners that in the first decades and sometimes century, the very word “democracy” was regarded with widespread disdain by many founding fathers as they often equated it as “rule of the mob”, made it so US senate members* and President were elected indirectly through state legislators and electoral college* respectively, only those owning a minimum amount of land had the vote, and the fact social inequality was widely accepted on the basis of landownership and later…more on the basis of wealth from land ownership and/or commerce. </p>
<p>At some points from the late-19th century to the present…advocating for the degree of equality as was done by some activists/reformers got them labeled negatively as “utopianists”, anarchists, socialists, communists, etc. </p>
<p>What’s worse is that there are some on the far-right political fringe who are actually advocating we return to a time when one can only vote if they owned a minimum amount of land…effectively calling for the political disenfranchisement of the vast majority of US citizens who don’t own enough or worse…own no land altogether. </p>
<p>Thus, in addition to doing what is suggested above, one should also examine how US society evolved and how various contestations over what constituted equality among various groups in our society allowed us to progress to the point we even have our current ideals about equality.</p>
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<li>This was only changed to the present system of direct election by all citizens in 1913 with the 17th amendment. Moreover…the part about the electoral college actually choosing US presidents are still in force.</li>
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<p>@AlexChen - I agree completely</p>
<p>All true, cobrat. I just think that the philosophical idea of “equality of persons” is a very powerful one. And in connection with the issue raised by the OP, it would be a very liberating idea, if internalized. </p>
<p>As I mentioned, there were grievous flaws in its implementation, so one could question how strongly it was believed or espoused. Nevertheless, it was genuinely revolutionary in its implications. The deepening understanding of equality over time in the US may be a consequence of the initial seeds of the idea. I could be wrong, but I think that the idea of equal dignity of persons is not held as strongly everywhere now. What is your opinion?</p>
<p>I have heard that Australians have a very strong egalitarian impulse. Not sure whether that is being affected/tested by immigration there? Or what the immigration policies are?</p>
<p>the way to handle this pressure from parents is to set a goal for yourself. 2290 is a great score. not many get that. u can come up with colleges that you know u can get in and first apply there. put in your mind and effort for the colleges u feel u like and can get in. the rest of the colleges, u just apply to keep your parents happy and dont let the pressure and nagging bother u. just copy paste your essay’s to the colleges u r applying out of pressure and dont bother. dont get into arguments with your parents as that would make u loose your piece of mind. just bear it a few more months and u will be off to college and wont have to deal with this again.</p>
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<p>Although electors are no longer expected to have any discretion, so the main effect is to make campaigning by state, where those with close contests get most of the campaigning.</p>
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<p>Australia had a “white Australia” immigration policy from 1901. It was slowly removed from 1949 to 1966. However, some more recent Australian politicians have made statements calling for less Asian immigration (John Howard 1988, Pauline Hanson 1996).</p>
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<p>Actually, the “White Australia” policies were officially on the books and enforced up until 1973 from the dead tree sources I read years ago. A reason why it is still a sore sticking point…especially considering the recent racist attacks against their minority groups and problematic policies towards indigenous Aborigines.</p>
<p>On the other hand, John Howard and Pauline Hanson are widely derided as members of the extreme right from what I’ve read in their media and heard from Australian friends.</p>
<p>Time to buy a set of noise cancelling headphones!</p>
<p>"How do I deal with the expectations of my parents and the overwhelming pressure to get into a top school? "</p>
<p>-Ignore what they say and greatly appreciate what they do. Most likely you will not get into top school becasue of low GPA as they accept very low % of valedictorians (used to be about 17% at Princeton for straight 'A" kids, might be lower now). So, why do you worry? If they want you to apply to these schools, apply, do whatever they want, they are going to foot all bills. Go to school that you actually get into and you feel matches your personality. the point of argument for certain school is just telling your parents that you feel you do the best at whatever place you choose.<br>
Asian parents parenting apparently works very well as my D’s Med. School has very significant % of asian medical students. They got in despite of their ORM status, they are saying big “thank you” to their parents now, it has worked for them, made them very happy and proud at the end, and that is the only thing that counts!!! BTW, percentage of accepted to Med. School out of all who applied is about 43%. Many (I would say most) pre-meds do not even survive until application cycle, they fall out of pre-med track. Asians are huge portion of Med. School application pool and they get accepted in very high numbers. Numbers talk much louder than anything else.</p>
<p>Oh my gosh, seriously? I am asian too, but my parents are not demanding as yours. I got 81 points on my toefl test i was hoping for 100, but my mother said that my score was good but i should try again. And it’s been like 3 months since i started to fill my application and i still haven’t finished it. My mom just yelled at me and swore at me lol. I would kill myself if i were you. I think you should talk to your parents and explain them your condition or maybe say them that you’re mature enough to understand what you should do and what not</p>
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<p>First, that form of parenting is more accurately dubbed “first-generation immigrant parenting” as it is not exclusive to Asians IME. </p>
<p>Second, I’d ask those same medical students who were products of such parenting how they’re feeling 5-10 years out from college/med school. Several high school classmates who were products of parenting…including many non-Asians are currently in therapy despite having graduated from top undergrads and grad/professional schools. </p>
<p>One of them is a successful doctor who had a nervous breakdown on FB just some months back…</p>
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<p>Yes, but those are the few who were always at the top of the class and got into medical school, etc… What about the majority who did not get into any medical school who would now be considered “worthless disgraces” by the OP’s parents, especially if they majored in biology and got only low paying lab technician jobs out of college?</p>
<p>"Second, I’d ask those same medical students who were products of such parenting how they’re feeling 5-10 years out from college/med school. "
-Seems to be very happy and hard working bunch!!!
In regard for those who do not get into Med. School, the fact is since Asians are such ORM at med. schools, most of them do get in, while most others do not. This was the point that I was trying to make. Then when you are 22-25 years old adult, parents become pretty irrelevant in terms of what you do. College graduates have about 4% unemployment rate. So, if you do not get into med. School, just like all others, you will find a job if you are looking and you will not if you are not looking. Everybody has been there, asians or not.</p>