<p>So my financial aid application is still not completed because something always comes up. At first I had to spend a considerable amount of time talking my mom into sending her W2 form to Smith. Then my app wasn't complete because my mother's new husband owns a church and Smith needed a business farm supp (which, alas, I also had to convince my mother to do). </p>
<p>And now they are requesting proof that they no longer own several properties (copies of sales contracts) and because my step father is reasonably well off my EFC is way higher than it should be (which doesn't bold well for my award letter). </p>
<p>I think this was the last straw, as I am having an extremely difficult time getting my mom to send copies of the house contracts to Smith (mainly because she feels that's an invasion of privacy). Is there any advice you parents can give me on dealing with her? It would be pretty sad if I couldn't go to Smith because my mother is (essentially) sabotaging me.</p>
<p>Gosh, I wouldn't know what to say. They aren't requiring of you anymore than they would of any other student. Properties are clearly assets for purposes of financial aid, so you would only benefit from them knowing your family doesn't have them.</p>
<p>"I think this was the last straw, as I am having an extremely difficult time getting my mom to send copies of the house contracts to Smith (mainly because she feels that's an invasion of privacy)."</p>
<p>Why does your mom consider it an invasion of privacy? Purchase and sales transactions are readily available public information.</p>
<p>well, as of right now, my mother and step father are either unwilling or unable to provide the information that Smith is requesting. And, alas, I am not old enough to file independant. Because they are not going to provide this information, Smith is not going to offer me a fin aid. package, and therefore I will not be able to attend. Life really sucks right now.</p>
<p>MWFN, no she is not going to be paying for anything.</p>
<p>Merdavis, I'm sorry to hear that, especially since you worked so hard to get admitted to Smith. Sometimes events that seem horrible at the time end up being for the best. Use all that positive energy to get a great education at Mills.</p>
<p>I'm not giving up. I really have no desire to go to Mills, especially after talking with several girls who go there/have gone there and they all believe Smith is a better school. I don't know what I'll do if I can't go to Smith.</p>
<p>I really wish you the best of luck, Merdavis! It is great to hear you have such a fighting spirit. Hopefully, everything will work out for you at the end. Take care!</p>
<p>Okay, my mother sent in the information (she was just worried that Smith wouldn't give me any money, and she was right). She recently remarried this guy who has a lot of investments so my EFC is obscenely higher than what my mother can actually give me. She is basically still a single mother because they split their bills 50/50 and he won't be contributing to my education whatsoever. Well anyway, the financial aid package (if you can call it that) that they gave me won't even cover room and board and I'm at a loss on how to proceed. My mother is a teacher and she supports my little sister and she can't afford to give me much money for school. I already called the Financial Aid office to speak with Polly Gelfman (head of SFS) but she's on vacation so someone is supposed to give me a call on Wednesday. Has anyone else had this problem? Right now I need to somehow triple the aid they gave me for attending Smith to even be feasible.</p>
<p>If she married him last year, you're probably out of luck (I can't see why a school should try to accommodate each individual family unit's financial decisionmaking - if they see income, assuming they are indeed married, they have reasonable expectation that some of it should be available for their children's college educations.) If, however, it is this year (2007), wouldn't the FASFA have been filed based on last year's tax return? (it would give you a one-year reprieve, I would think.)</p>
<p>No they didn't marry this year. I would think it would be a feasible idea to think that someone wouldn't exactly want to contribute 40,000 dollars a year to an adult child they've only known for a couple of years...
My current school understood the situation and offered me a second scholarship, if I can't get it to work at Smith (which I so desperately hope it does) I might just have to stay.</p>
<p>Oh, I understand that....but how much would be 'a couple'. Two? Three? Five? Basically any kids that aren't biologically related don't need to be funded? </p>
<p>At any rate, I'm sure this isn't something Smith (or any other school) hasn't had to deal with before, and from what you're saying, I'm kind of surprised they offered anything, so I actually do think that is hopeful.</p>
<p>Well he doesn't make that much a year, he just has a lot of investments (for retirement or something) and they were married 2 years ago. I barely know him really. But the point is I don't know what I'm supposed to do. My mother makes less a year than smith costs, which would leave me taking out an obscene amount of third party, high interest loans.</p>
<p>It doesn't matter if your mother and step-father say 50/50. The rules of the game are that he--whether by investments or income--is now partially responsible for your education. If your mother and he aren't willing to be adults and swallow, then you're screwed. The counterpoint from Smith, or most colleges would be: Why should Merdavis' stepfather get off the hook when every other student with step parents pays by the same rules?
In essence, your mother is expecting Smith to give you special treatment.</p>
<p>Merdavis--I think that this is a really raw deal for you. I say this from the standpoint of a mom and stepmom in a blended family, re-married for 8 years. These issues are common in re-marriages, and very difficult. Some years ago, when I was chafing at having to make major life accommodations because of my stepsons' disruptive neurodevelopmental disorders, and having to deal with their biological parents' near total blindness to their problems (at the time), a marriage counselor said something very fundamental, that I think applies to you as well: I was asking my husband to choose between his kids and me. This was wrong, plus I was bound to lose. I would end up with no marriage, and the stepkids would go under as well, since they needed the stability. I have more money than my husband, and I have agreed to commit to my stepsons education, but I do have terms: decisions are made as a family; they may not behave with no gross disrespect towards me (a problem early on); and depending on timing, I might ask for the money to be paid back, if their dad and I divorce. In my personal culture, marriage is literally a contract, but I would wager that many other parents on this board would say the same, even if thy come from a different background. Marriage is also a process and sometimes a project, and another of those areas in life that is severely lacking in the free lunch department :). IMHO, after years living as a stepparent, I think the same principles apply to your mom and stepdad. There are tangible benefits to marriage. Her husband is enjoying those benefits. In return, he should not be ignoring your needs. You came with the package. Is there any way you can talk to your mom with the help of a counselor who is familiar with stepfamilies? There are associations that support stepfamilies; these often have local chapters. You might be able to get a referral. </p>
<p>As for what you should try to negotiate, that is harder to suggest, and maybe not appropriate for some random mom in cyberspace (moi) to say. The counselor should be able to help you frame the conversation with your mom. IMHO, your mom should be the person to broach the subject with your stepdad. </p>
<p>One practical suggestion is a no-interest (or low interest) loan from your stepdad, to make up the difference in the aid package and your mom's true EFC, if she didn't have him. This could be done with an attorney, writing a real contract with milestones and enforceable terms for both sides. My own mom, who was a powerful finance/corporate type when most women were not even employed outside the home, did this for her kids, long ago. It actually worked, and gave us a leg up in life. Later we found out the same had been done for her, by her dad, also in finance, who believed his children were his most important investment.</p>
<p>What a wonderful post. I think you are absolutely right about the step-dad receiving tangible benefits of marriage and his step-d being part of the package (even if, b/c of the newness of the marriage and step-d being on the brink of adulthood, he views contributing to her college tuition as an unwanted and unfair fin burden).</p>
<p>I also think your suggestion of an interest free loan is great. I worry, however, that b/c of their unfamiliarity the step-dad might still be unwilling to part w/ the money. You had the aid of a marriage counselor and you have been remairried for 8 yerars. Regardless of how reasonable, the K or req for loan will looks quite diff when proposed by a 19 year old and only 2 years into the marriage.</p>
<p>Even if this is not an uncommon scenario for colleges, it probab catches many affected families off-guard.</p>
<p>Well I talked to my mother and she said that she did not wish to approach her husband on the matter, she actually had to borrow a couple thousand dollars to pay for the college that I go to now, and she doesn't want to end up owing him more, or me either. Also, I'm not even sure he has that much to loan me anyway, most of his money is investments. Back to square one I guess.</p>
<p>I did schedule a time to talk wit the Fin Aid office on Wednesday morning, I really hope some agreement can be reached so I can go to my dream school.</p>
<p>Mer, it's not a matter of your mom approaching her husband about money, at least not now. It's about filing the paperwork showing income & assets so that FinAid can decide how much they aid they're willing to give you. No paperwork, no aid. It's that simple. </p>
<p>Now the paperwork may lead them to believe that your mother's husband and she should contribute X and if they're not willing to do that, you're screwed. But if they're not willing to fill out the paperwork, there's no "if." You're definitely screwed. Screwed by your mother and her husband, not Smith.<br>
It doesn't matter that Smith is your dream school or not: you and your mother and her husband have to play by the same rules as anyone else.</p>