<p>What do you do when your parents are getting too involved in your college search? </p>
<p>You see, both my parents went to Stanford, and my dad worked for admissions, he has traveled to many schools across the country and seen all 50 states.</p>
<p>When it comes time for me to apply for colleges, my dad keeps editing my list, crossing out schools like Tufts & Dickinson, for personal reasons I guess (he used to work with Tufts), and then telling me to apply to Stanford and Williams.</p>
<p>Now when I want to visit some of the schools on my list, he wont! I wanted to see Haverford, Swarthmore, & Dickinson, but he'd only let me visit the first two, and that was if we toured Princeton! Now when I want to meet with a professor at Tufts next week, he says we're visiting Williams instead (I've seen Williams by the way, my boarding schools is right by it).</p>
<p>You mention you are at boarding school. Use the resources that you have at school....they will advocate for you. I feel for you and I hope you can be strong. Perhaps your dad is just over enthusiastic at this point. Hopefully when you get back to school you can let the folks at school know what you are facing and they can tactfully get your dad off your back. At my school it was clear the process was the student's NOT the parent's.</p>
<p>Try to negotiate ie you will look at the schools he wants you to and you would like the reciprocity of his looking at schools you want to see. The applications themselves are not really an issue....I mean do them and remember that just because you get accepted doesn't mean you have to accept. I would also try to begin a discussion about what is your dad willing to pay for.......this may be the leading edge to your real problem which is that he wil only pay for schools you don't want.</p>
<p>Why don't you sit down and call him/see him and have a talk. You both need to compromise, because in the end he is paying. I think he justs wants to be involved in a major life decision</p>
<p>There is no way around talking to him. Tell him you want to compromise. Explain why you're interested in the schools that you are, and why you're not interested in the schools that you're not. If you have a job, ask about splitting the cost of visiting the schools you want.</p>
<p>"I mean do them and remember that just because you get accepted doesn't mean you have to accept."</p>
<p>If the OP's parents are very pushy about getting their way, it may be difficult for the OP to turn down acceptances that his parents are delighted with. Thus, if the OP really doesn't want to go and the suggestions of others here don't work out, then the OP can fill out the applications in a way that guarantees rejection and the OP also can send the colleges letters asking for rejections, which is what some students have done in this kind of situation. The colleges are happy to oblige.</p>
<p>It is true the applications could be skewed....what is also true is that Parent may choose to not pay. I am not saying this is easily resovled. What I am saying is that communication and compromise are necessary. It does happen that Parents think this application process is about them and some are dig in the heels types. Most boarding schools pride themselves on student independence and the admissions process is one place this happens. My school had special meetings and seminars in the 3rd year to begin preparing parents for the "backoff". I think that administrative intervention or help for the student in submitting other apps will help.</p>
<p>My dad was a Yale graduate and was seriously pushing Yale, or at least another Ivy like Brown. Finally I sat him down for a long talk about what I was looking for in my school. I was surprised that he actually had logical reasons for wanting me to go to Yale, rather than just "I like it." But I let him know my concerns, and why my first choice school (Wesleyan University) was perfect for me. In the end, I applied there early decision and got in, and now I'm ecstatic. So really... try talking to your dad. Maybe he is crazier and more evil than my own, but it's worth a try. And if that doesn't work, then start using other resources behind his back.</p>
<p>Your father is probably just pushing his idea of what he feels is best for you and in his own way is doing this because he loves you and wants whats best for you. However, the 2 of you are at cross purposes regarding what is best for you. The updipe side is that you father works in admissions (which really is a small world as far as peer schools are concerned) and knows the workings at many schools. The down side is your father works in admissions....
He is probably also very entrenched in his ideas about certain schools.</p>
<p>It is very important that you and your paretns sit down and you know up front they paremeters are setting for you. If your father is so adverse to certain schools ask him why does he feel this way, let him present his case. Ask him not to personalize his reasons but to manage the facts concerning his thoughts on a particular school. Ask him to step back out of his parent mode an treat you as a prospective student regarding why or why a particular school is not good for you.</p>
<p>By the same token you need to present your case as to why you beleive school "A" is the best school for you regarding overall academics, a specific program, fit, etc. Don't be so quick about shutting down his ideas just because they came from him. Keep the doors of communication open and work toward creating a win-win environment. Unless you are sitting on your own little pile of money, you are not going to be able to get through this process with out your parents. In the end it is better to have them as advocates than adversaries in this process.</p>
<p>Yes, I got my grandmother involed!!! Don't you just love grandmothers? We sat down and talked, she said it was the last straw when my dad said I was applying to Dartmouth as well...</p>
<p>She said that he has to be kidding! Stanford, Emory, Dartmouth, MIT, Williams, Amherst, and Swarthmore. She told him to fill out the applications.</p>
<p>You were thinking Tufts and Dickinson, your father Stanford and MIT. It sounds like 2 different applicants. Which are your stats appropriate for? Is your dad pipe dreaming or do you want less than the best you can get into?</p>
<p>MIT doesn't have international relations, he just like the school.</p>
<p>And I have my reaches, I want to go to Emory, but he wants me to cross off my safeties to allow room for schools like Dartmouth and MIT for some reason.</p>
<p>your dad is ridiculous.Don't ask, tell him to back off. I am sorry, but he cannot just cross off schools, add the ones he likes, and decide that you do not need safeties on your list.I would be ****ed if I had to deal with that bs.</p>
<p>Honestly though some of these dads might not be so wrong. I have never seen anyone regret not applying to enough safeties, but I have seen plenty regret not applying to enough reaches.</p>
<p>I wouldnt sweat it yet. Apply to a good number of reach/ matches. Remember 95% of the time schools choose you, not the other way around. The best you can do is apply to enough schools you like.</p>
<p>I'd had that same problem too - I wanted to apply to GW and Claremont-McKenna and The College of New Jersey as safeties (well, "likelies"). But they just crossed them off my list. As long as you have some safeties that you'd be HAPPY at, you'll be alright. And it sounds like your grandmother getting involved is a good thing :)!</p>