<p>He is trying to take over my applications. He now refers to them as "our applications." I am applying to 3 schools just for him. He has the power of the purse! Whenever I refuse to do something his way, he says that he won't pay the application fees. I'm terrified that the admissions counselors are going to hate me, because I now have 4 letters of recommendation and am sending every school a copy of an article that was published in a magazine. I've resorted to just pretending to send it. We literally fight about applications every night. Before this whole process my parents let me deal with school without interference. Now they have to read everything and criticize it all.</p>
<p>ouch. hmm... you need to tell him that the adcom probably won't like sifting through every single paper in your app. and the 4 lor are a little much. You should talk to your counsilor about it, because it might hurt your chances for admission in the process.</p>
<p>Meet with your guidance counselor and get their advice. Then you might have some support when you tell your father you don't want to do it his way. Good luck. I know this is a difficult situation and I wish you the best.</p>
<p>awanderer - Umm I doubt you'll see it this way, but IMHO you're blowing this situation out of proportion. Your father wants you to apply to a few "extra" schools? What's the big deal about that? He threatens to not pay application fees? Worst case, you pay for the schools you wish to apply to. You argue every night? As the saying goes "It takes two." Bottom line: You and your dad need each other. Make it work. Good luck!</p>
<p>You say your parents have to read everything and criticize it all. I personally view that as a good thing, so long as the criticism is constructive. It's so smart to have another set of eyes look at your application materials to make sure there aren't any typos, spelling, grammar or other errors. There's nothing wrong, and a lot right, with having someone else read and critique your essays - just make sure they remain yours. As for sending four recommendations and an article, look at what the schools are asking for (and asking NOT to receive), then talk to your guidance counselor about whether this hurts or helps you. If it's likely to hurt you, maybe the counselor could talk to your father and let him know that. If they won't have an impact and might help, just send them. Bottom line, it's your college career, but if your parents are footing the bill, I don't think it's unreasonable for them to want to have a role in the process and input on the decision</p>
<p>I sympathize with OP and with the parents. It is a difficult tightrope to walk on both sides. My advice for OP is to be patient and continue the lines of communication. Don't assume you are always right but don't assume your parents always wrong. Of course, that would also be my advice to the parents.</p>
<p>Use your counselor as the 'bad guy' or the 'referee' when you can't resolve a disagreement.</p>
<p>And rejoice in the fact that you will soon be gone from home and your parents will be less able to control what you do. They will still have the power of the purse, though.</p>
<p>1) 4 letters of recommendation may not be a bad idea....depending. Maybe your HS guidance counselor can help shed some objective light on this. My daughter is sending 4 letters to most schools - she has an extensive music resume which pretty much justifies the rec from her private music teacher, she transferred in the middle of high school and has an rec from a teacher at her first school with whom she had a very academically productive relationship, and she has the usual 2 recs from Junior year teachers that all colleges want. So my point is, it <em>can</em> be reasonable to send 4 recs. Look for a 3rd party opinion on this one. Even if you make a mistake and send worthless recs, I doubt any ad. officer will 'hate' you for it, or even penalize you for it. That's just not the way it works; if you are a student they want, they'll want you despite an error like that. Same for the mag. article. Think of it as a supplement - lots of kids send them; admissions people complain about having to file/listen to/read them...at the same time they flesh out the picture of the applicant...which is the point of the whole admissions process - show them who you are.</p>
<p>2) Dad needing to read/critique everything: He's anxious. He's worried. I understand this is not what you want, but maybe understanding it will help you tolerate it better. Open communication might be good? Scheduling times (once/week?) when the anxiety may be expressed without needing a definite response from you (i.e. agreeing to do things his way/hiding what you're doing/etc.) In other words, maybe if just let him vent some of the time, and see it as the expression of his anxiety, he'll be able to let you actually do (most) of it they way you want.</p>
<p>3) Applying to extra schools: Depends - this might be wise. Are the applications difficult? My son is now attending a school he applied to only because I told him to - it was a 20 minute application process + $60 fee. It was a last minute choice, was totally off his radar prior to my mentioning it, and he did get in to higher-ranked schools also. Again, maybe the HS guidance counselor can help shed some objective light on this.</p>
<p>Last word: I know it's a high-stress time. Your Dad may be over-involved (or he may actually be advising you sensibly; it's hard for us to know) - but he probably has your best interests at heart. Try to work from that premise. Good luck.</p>