My father will not let me visit colleges

Parents Forum
1

<p>I've never seen my father as such a narrow minded person before. </p>

<p>He seems to think that a visit to a college provides nothing, and is a waste of time. He honestly said in his own words that finding the "perfect fit" is random and visiting colleges will not steer me in the right direction.</p>

<p>He also said that I should only apply to 5 colleges. He reasoned that if I only apply to 5 I will make a better choice because I would have less options to choose between. I tried to argue back with 10 (2 safeties, 3 matches, 5 reaches) but he will not budge.</p>

<p>He continued to state that an interview with an alumni is useless, and visiting the university does not show them interest in their institution. He believes that the admissions committee sorts the applicants by tests scores and admits just the top numbers.</p>

<p>I use facts backed up with data, and information from the university's own dang website, but he still will not change his mind.</p>

<p>The I'm posting this on the parent forum is because I would like some insight from other parents. Am I out of place to think these things? Are his claims true? False?</p>

<p>If you do believe he is incorrect in his assumptions, what do you suggest I do?</p>

2

<p>what is your gc like or your relationship with him/her? perhaps he/she could call your parent and discuss it?</p>

3

<p>

</p>

<p>He clearly does not know what he is talking about.</p>

<p>

</p>

<p>Is your mother in the picture? Is there another adult whose opinions your dad would respect that you can approach? Perhaps your guidance counselor could talk to him.</p>

<p>You’re between a rock and a hard place. If you can’t budge him, your list should probably include a super safety, perhaps with the idea of transferring after a year or two.</p>

4

<p>Try to get him to a college admissions seminar of some sort. Does your high school do one? He may need to hear it from people in the know.</p>

5

<p>He may or may not be right but if he controls the purse strings there is little you can do about it. If there is another respected adult–mom, grandparent, aunt, uncle–who he will discuss this with and listen to their opinion you could try enlisting their help.</p>

<p>Applying to 10 schools may be normal on CC but in my area of the country few kids apply to even 5.</p>

<p>If your dad won’t budge there are other ways to show interest and you can use online tours to see what a campus looks like as well as read reviews and/or possibly contact current students at the schools you are interested in.</p>

6

<p>My daughter applied to 8 schools and got into 7 which was great because she had choices. However, she had some very top of the class friends, one in particular that only applied to 3 thinking he was a shoe in for all three. He was in the top 5 in his class and captain of this and that and only got into one school. No choices. I also found my daughter changed her mind from a small school to a large school in late spring. So, having choices is a good thing.
About visiting schools, she visited many which I thought was a good thing. Ruled out some right away, put some on the back burner, loved only a couple. So, it was good to see them and have that information when making decisions. I would suggest you go visit schools that are within 100 miles from your home that you are truly interested in. Then save the farther away ones for when you get accepted. Spring break next year could be a visit to schools that are accepted in but haven’t seen yet.
Good luck. Try and comprimise with dad. Meet with your guidance counselor and get their opinion and then bring dad in for a meeting. It may change his mind on some things. Go to the college/career center in your high school if you have one and see when colleges you are interested in are planning to visit. Then you can meet with the advisor then and tell them you are very interested in coming to their school,etc… Good luck!</p>

7

<p>agree w/ proudwismom’s suggestions above re: seeing what a campus looks like before you apply. I was suprised in the number of friends from both of my D’s who opted to visit schools only after they were admitted. Here on CC, the general thought is that you have to make a pilgrimage to check out all the possible schools you can think of before you apply, but in the real world, lots of people don’t. I agree that applying to 5 schools is not totally unreasonable, either. You can do a lot of “legwork” here on CC, and by perusing each prospective school’s website. Good luck. Hopefully things will lighten up with your dad, especially if you can enlist help from your GC, or another trusted adult.</p>

8

<p>Try to compromise and see if you can arrange visits to schools that do not require an overnight visit. Choose a variety so that you can get the feel for urban/rural/large/small/research/LAC. This may help you narrow down the type of school without ever stepping foot on a campus far away or taking expensive trips. Then, ask if once you have your acceptances you can visit your top two choices if you are unsure.</p>

<p>Depending on where you live, and the schools you are considering, your father may be worried about cross-country flights to visit schools that you may not apply to or are extreme reaches. Perhaps if you come up with a solution similar to something above he will understand you are being reasonable and be willing to compromise.</p>

<p>Best of luck to you.</p>

9

<p>I can see the issue of whether to visit schools prior to applying from both perspectives. Visiting can scratch schools off the list or solidify one’s interest, so, in both respects, the visits are valuable. On the other hand, if one applies to schools without visiting and, after receiving acceptances, visits only the top schools of those one has been accepted to, that seems like a good approach too. </p>

<p>I would have a greater issue with limiting the number of schools one applies to given that there will be no visiting prior to application. Perhaps the OP can agree to applying to 5 schools on her/his dad’s nickel and applying to 5 more on his/her own. Perhaps the OP’s dad will see the logic to increasing the number of schools applied to, given that they are all unknowns, and agree to pay for a visit to the top two choices. </p>

<p>As an aside, I hope the OP has had a discussion about which schools the dad will pay for and to what extent.</p>

10

<p>I think college visits are a bit over-rated - If someone is smart enough to get into Harvard AND Yale, they can decide fairly easily which of the two fits their purpose. If someone needs a college visit to decide between North Directional State U. and South Directional State U. likewise…</p>

<p>Mrs. Turbo made an interesting comment today as our dorm shopping for Miss Turbo continues… She said “I never had a tempurapedic foam mattress topper, refrigerator, 100lb of dorm food, uber-laptop, and uber-cellphone when I came from three continents away for college”. Money was not the issue back then and is not the issue here. It’s putting it all into perspective. </p>

<p>Applying to a bunch of schools is not bad - not with the Common Application at least - but one needs to be seriously honest with themselves as to what constitutes a ‘reach’ or a ‘stretch’. </p>

<p>Once you have acceptance letters, then worry about where to go. For the most part, the kind of information I like to know is not likely to be found in tour materials but can readily be found in the school’s web site, College Confidential, and the like. I would like to know things like where the faculty got their degrees, how many adjuncts, who’s teaching what, how many sections of classes are there, and so on. </p>

<p>Sometimes tours may highlight great college buildings and the like. Well, if I had toured Ruin Hall at Purdue (name changed to protect the innocent) I would never have imagined going there. A look at the faculty list tho would quickly return sanity to its original upright position (nothing like Googling a professor and finding he’s written pretty much the whole book on his field - took his class and was absolutely amazed).</p>

<p>Atmosphere? well, duh, five minutes into Purdue I realized it’s not exactly a prime dating scene :slight_smile: (way too many serious people :-)). Luckily I was married and Mrs. Turbo was also attending Purdue (nothing like having a baby in the middle of the semester…)</p>

<p>Bottom line - spend a LOT of time researching the important details (programs, opportunities, faculty) and once you have your short list down to a few, and they’re very likely acceptances, then worry about visits. Do your homework and your father will be happy about it all.</p>

11

<p>Mr. Turbo is right on the money. We felt that we had waisted a lot of time and $$ visiting too many colleges. In fact, they all look alike after the 3rd school we looked at it.</p>

<p>Mind you, Mr. Nixon was accepted by Harvard and couldn’t attend because his family could not afford a train ticket for him from CA to MA. Duke offered the trip and he went to Duke.</p>

12

<p>I think there is a lot of truth to what your Dad is saying: there is not a “perfect fit” for a student and a college–there are so many good ones and so much depends on the attitude and approach of the student. So lots of good choices.</p>

<p>Also, visiting takes lots of time and costs alot. Do research online and on CC and talk to friends at school and to your guidance counselor – you’ll learn so much. </p>

<p>This whole college process is quite a roller coaster—don’t let this little bump ruin your relationship with your dad. Just drop the subject of visits for now. It’ll come up again as you have friends who are visiting…I’ll bet he lightens up.</p>

13

<p>My older son visited 4 colleges, applied to 8 colleges and got into 4 colleges none of which were the ones he’d visited. He ended up visiting after he was accepted and it worked out well, but ultimately the visit really did determine where he went, though the information was all on the websites. For him academics was the main thing and in particular the quality of the computer science department.</p>

<p>Younger son was less sure what he was looking for in a college until he’d done some visits, but he didn’t visit every college he applied to either. </p>

<p>Many moons ago I only visited one of the colleges of the three I’d applied to. (Though I had seen two others.)</p>

<p>One thing you might do is visit colleges in your area on your own - see if you care that much about urban/suburban/rural or big/small and use your feelings as a bit of a proxy for further away colleges. </p>

<p>As for alumni interviews, mostly they don’t make much difference. My older son got into Harvard despite (or because of?) telling the interviewer it wasn’t his first choice. Younger son didn’t like his Tufts interview, but that’s where he ended up attending. He had a wonderful Georgetown interview, but didn’t get in. The one place you MUST interview is MIT, they are quite upfront about it. The acceptance rate is doubled if you interview (unless you live somewhere an interview is not available.) U of Rochester is another place that really, really, really, really, really (that’s a quote) expects an interview.</p>

<p>If you only apply to five colleges, please make sure you have a safety you really like. My younger son didn’t bother with matches. He loved his safety so he aimed high for the rest.</p>

14

<p>Trivia nit: Nixon went to Whittier College, not Duke. He attended Duke Law School.</p>

<p>OP, it might be that both you and your father are wrong, and right. Some schools track demonstrated interest, some don’t. Ditto for all the other factors you mentioned. Search out the Common Data Set for the schools you’re considering, and look at the section which lists factors considered for admission. </p>

<p>I feel that if you visit anywhere, it should be to the schools that you’re considering as safeties. That can confirm that yes, you’d be glad to attend there, or it will show you that the school would be a poor fit. Start by visiting similar schools in your general area, if any exist.</p>

15

<p>If you can’t budge your dad, then you’ll need a careful strategy.</p>

<p>Is your dad willing to pay for wherever you go or is he expecting you to get generous financial aid?</p>

<p>**Make sure that you have one TRUE FINANCIAL SAFETY on your list that you like and where you are CERTAIN that you have all costs covered (assured merit, assured grants, fed student loans, and family funds) **because if that ends up being your only affordable school, then you will likely be there all 4 years. It is very hard to get a good FA package as a transfer student. Most schools don’t give much aid to transfer students.</p>

16

<p>*My family brings in about 100k a year *</p>

<p>And your other thread says that you have a college savings for you from your granparent that will pay about $30k per year. </p>

<p>I’m wondering if your dad just doesn’t want to spend the money on these visits. College visits aren’t cheap. Airfare, hotels, car rentals, restaurants can all add up.</p>

17

<p>OP,</p>

<p>I’m sorry that your father feels this way. Is your father an immigrant to the United States from another country? In many Asian countries, your admittance to college is solely depending on a single score from the national college entrance exam - demonstrated interest in a college doesn’t even enter into the picture. You could pull data from the Common Data set of each school that interest you to determine how important a visit to the college is.</p>

<p>That said, there are websites that to provide “virtual” tours. U. S. News and World Reports lists some sites for you to look at.</p>

<p>[Visit</a> College Campuses From Home - US News and World Report](<a href=“http://www.usnews.com/education/best-colleges/articles/2011/05/31/visit-college-campuses-from-home]Visit”>http://www.usnews.com/education/best-colleges/articles/2011/05/31/visit-college-campuses-from-home)</p>

<p>Hopefully they help in providing some idea of the “vibe” at a school. As others have wrote, college visits are not cheap.</p>

18

<p>Or OP’s parent could just be of an older generation. In my day, applying to more than 6 schools was unheard of, and totally unnecessary. But the college application process has changed entirely. And that may be what the OP needs to convince his or her parent of. A guidance counselor could be helpful in this regard. Visits are not strictly necessary, though very helpful; if the OP is limited to 5 applications, however, s/he will have to be extremely strategic. It can be done, though. (And let’s be honest and admit that applications aren’t cheap either, so that may be another factor in the OP’s father’s stance.)</p>

19

<p>10 applications is too many! You can narrow down your list by searching this site and the internet. You don’t need more than one safety. Do you have amazing stats and you want to go to the super elite? If not why do you need to apply to a lot of reaches? Don’t get caught up in the CC mentality, it can be a little over the top.</p>

20

<p>We took D on a college tour that was expensive and time-consuming. While it wasn’t a waste, she refused to visit the school she will attend this fall! She was applying to six schools, one safety and five reaches but on the last day of applications succumbed to her Dad’s pressure and applied to two more reaches. One was Harvard, the school we wanted her to visit in which she had no interest - too pretentious. Well, upon getting accepted, Harvard no longer seemed pretentious to her!</p>

<p>D ended up with six acceptances, two full-rides, and all very affordable with financial aid. She re-visited three schools and visited Harvard for the first time. </p>

<p>In hindsight, the visiting tour was valuable, but not essential. It was actually part of getting D to a scholarship camp program so definitely not a waste of money. The six acceptances muddied the water but were self-esteem boosting. She had no bad choices so couldn’t go wrong. Good research is essential and I suggest you enlist your dad’s help so that he might see why you’d like to visit certain schools. In fact, getting both parents involved in research gives them more than a financial stake in the process and might get them excited about visiting. (Absolutely make sure you understand your family’s finances before shopping for schools!)</p>