<pre><code> I'm a first year student at UCI right now, and next year I'm going to be headed to WashU/Stanford(if i get in by some freak miracle). As of now, I commute from Irvine itself, where my parents live. And even though I dont like in a dorm, I actually enjoy staying at home still, because to put it quite simply, I have a really strong and close relationship with my parents. I know it may seem a bit childish/immature, but I'm the type who gets homesick REALLY REALLY easily - last year during spring break, I went on a roadtrip with 5 of my friends for a week, and I'd really feel gloomy because of the separation. I mean, I know it's really silly, but that's just how I am.
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<p>Now next year, I'm going off to college next year, and both my parents and I are avoiding any talk about the move, because it's just upsetting for both of us. Has anyone here been in such a situation, and can anyone give me any advice on how to deal with this separation. As of now, my parents said that I could fly back every 3 weeks or so, but I just need and want to find a way to still keep in close touch with my parents. Any suggestions/advice?</p>
<p>Everyone will feel homesick at some point. It's just a fact of life when you're dealing with a new environment and lots of unfamiliar faces. So, first of all, don't beat yourself up for what is really a perfectly normal reaction.</p>
<p>The advice I would give you however, is this: do NOT plan on flying home every three weeks. It may seem counter-intuitive, but the more you go home, the more homesick you are likely to feel because you'll be feeding the fear instead of doing what you really need to do to get past homesickness which is adapt to your NEW home so that it feels safe and familiar.</p>
<p>Instead, I would suggest this: Have both of your parents fly out with you and get you set up. About a month later, have one (or both) of your parents come visit for a weekend. Show them around your new environment - introduce them to your friends, take them out to dinner at some great place you've discovered near campus, make arrangements to do attend one of the many fun events that will be going on on campus every weekend. Then, let them go back to their life, and you stay with yours. Of course, you can keep in touch as often as you like via phone or email or IM, but the sooner you start thinking of your school as "home" the easier you'll get over your fear and homesickness.</p>
<p>If you really feel that you won't be able to stay at school without flying home every three weeks, you may want to rethink your plan to transfer. While it's do-able to fly down from Stanford to Orange County every now and then, flying home every three weeks (or even a month) from St. Louis is going to be trickier and probably not realistic. If you find yourself feeling very panicky about being away from your parents and home for longer than three weeks, a few sessions with a counselor to discuss things may also help you prepare for the adjustment, or perhaps assess whether you really want to transfer. There is absolutely nothing wrong with staying close to home if you don't feel you can handle it.</p>
<p>Don't plan a visit with them for at least 3 weeks so you can really connect to your new family away. Make a date to call them once a week to touch base, this will help both of you. Your parents will be there for you during breaks so enjoy your college experience. I was a bird that didn't want to leave the nest but, after a year I went away and then enjoyed both parts of my life. YOu can to. Find other similar students away from home.</p>
<p>I know kids who call their mom several times a DAY, not just once a week. And others who (almost) never call (mine). Whatever you and your parents are comfortable with is fine. You can share your life with them, & catch up on the news from home.</p>
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Instead, I would suggest this: Have both of your parents fly out with you and get you set up. About a month later, have one (or both) of your parents come visit for a weekend. Show them around your new environment - introduce them to your friends, take them out to dinner at some great place you've discovered near campus, make arrangements to do attend one of the many fun events that will be going on on campus every weekend. Then, let them go back to their life, and you stay with yours. Of course, you can keep in touch as often as you like via phone or email or IM, but the sooner you start thinking of your school as "home" the easier you'll get over your fear and homesickness.
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This is good advice. Call and email often if you want, as long as at the same time you build relationships at college and live somewhat independently (i.e. don't call your mom about every decision you have to make). You can go home sometimes or your parents can visit you, but don't be dependent on that 3 week schedule. You may surprise yourself once you're in college and forming close friendships and talking to your parents on the phone or by email. Don't depend on those visits too much. If you have trouble adjusting, the counseling center should be well-versed in coping mechanisms for homesick students.</p>
<p>I think it is good advice to visit less often but stay in touch by phone and e-mail as often as you want. My son hasn't left for college yet, but my friends with kids in college may get phone calls several times a day if there's stress. They are glad their kids are reaching out to them I would be too.</p>
<p>Get Skype and a vidcam for $30. You can Skype your parents whenever you miss them. You can talk and see them for free. Just make sure you have a fast internet connection.</p>
<p>The video cam is great! It can make a lot of distance melt away. Mac's are nice because it is built right in and you can go somewhere private (with wireless) and have a nice heart to heart with your parents. Do not go visit until Thanksgiving unless it is your birthday or some other personal holiday that will devestate you if you are separated on that day. My son's friends who went home a lot took much longer to get over their home sickness. Many newbies are miserable at first... it is by sticking it out with your dorm mates that you bond and create your new family. Good luck!</p>
<p>imran - what a sweet post! I agree with other posters - email and IM are a great way to stay in touch. They're old-fashioned, but handwritten letters are another wonderful way to stay close. It's nice to see the handwriting...</p>
<p>hey thanks for all your replies guys! I see the logic in not visiting every 3 weeks, and I'm slowly psychologically readying myself for the shift, but I"m not so sure about my parents (mom especially), and I can't really see any tactful way of saying that I shoudln't visit every 3 weeks. I really like the email/calling idea, and I'll probably be doing lots of that (we also have google talk, so I guess that works).</p>
<p>haha premature_gray, I'm personally fine with written letters, but my handwriting is so inredibly atrocious they'd probably think that I was drunk when writing it or something</p>
<p>I guess at this point, it's just really all a psychological thing ; i mean, i will have to stay away from my parents , whether I like it or not, but I'm just a bit nervous that I'll just feel miserable the whole time there. did anybody have any similar feelings, and have that all change when they went to college?</p>
<p>I was soooooo close to my family and suffered mightily for about 1 month. I was the oldest of 5 (much younger) kids. I turned 18 in college and my sibs turned 13 (twins), 9 and 3. Missed them awfully much, but you develop friendships, some very close, and they help fill the void.</p>