<p>My parents are having an extremely difficult time with my moving away to college. It's starting to affect my mood, and I seriously don't even feel like going to college anymore to not make them so depressed, because now I'm super depressed.</p>
<p>I've considered dropping out of the school I'm enrolled in before fall starts and going to CC or a local public university. This is literally what I've hoped for since the beginning of highschool, and probably before that, but I feel terrible. At first, I wasn't THAT sad about going to college, because I knew it would be an exciting opportunity, and I need to learn to branch out, and I knew it was going to be hard on them, but I didn't think it was going to be this bad.</p>
<p>I've already told them they call me everyday, any time, and I've promised to Skype with them everyday. Also, even though it's going to be a lot of money, I was going to travel to see them every break I get (In a school year, I'd waste approx. 1,500 in trips) but I still get those comments like "It's going to be so lonely and quiet without you" and "I don't think you thought this through enough, you should have stayed" literally everyday. </p>
<p>And at first, my parents WANTED me to go to the college I'm going too, they didn't want me to go to CC or the local public university.</p>
<p>I don't know what to do or what to say anymore. I leave in 22 days, but I still have in the back of my mind of staying here. Any advice, please!</p>
<p>Tell them that their worries are the same as ours when our only child went 2000 miles away to college, and yet with texts and regular Skypes we found it was nowhere near as bad as we had imagined. Our daughter has matured immensely, met lots of new friends and had many new and exciting experiences that she would have missed entirely had she not gone away to school. </p>
<p>As parents, there comes a time when you just have to let go and trust that everything will work out. It’s our job to ensure our kids are independent and will ultimately not “need” us… nevertheless, there is always some sadness when that day draws near. Have a heart to heart with them, promise to stay in touch often and keep that promise, and good luck!</p>
<p>Your parents love you and are going to miss you. They want what’s best for you, and it sounds like that’s proceeding as planned and going to your college. They will be sad; there’s no denying that. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t move forward with your plans. </p>
<p>Skyping every day is quite generous on your part. Good luck!</p>
<p>I think if you were to survey other parents who are about to send their kid off for their freshman year, you would find that many are struggling with the impending separation, but know in their hearts that it’s what’s best for the child in the long run. I remember being devastated during those couple of weeks leading up to both my daughters going off for their freshman year. However, it literally took me less than a week of their being gone to recover from it - once I began to hear how much fun and all the new adventures they were having, I began to get excited for them, and looked forward to hearing all about it. </p>
<p>Of course it’s going to be quiet without you, as it is with every parent sending their kid off to college, but most parents adapt and find other things to fill their time. If it is truly a huge mistake that you are going to college, you can always move back home at the end of the first semester. But to not give yourself and your parents a chance to stretch yourselves beyond your comfort zone for the betterment of your life, might be selling yourselves short.</p>
<p>Gotta agree with Youdon’tsay regarding the Skyping every day. I can’t imagine that we could have ever kept that kind of promise with our daughters, especially if you plan to get involved with extracurriculars at college. You will be surprised at how little down time you will have, and that down time might not coincide with times that your parents will be available to Skype.</p>
<p>You and your parents have built a strong and deep relationship
You have a great opportunity to attend a college that you all were excited by before the reality of separation set in.
You have technical marvels that will allow you to keep in touch (trust me on this, when I went to college, a long distance phone call was expensive)
Both you and your parents will grow and change over the coming years, partly due to the separation. That is a great thing. In several years from now you will both see each other through new eyes and experiences and that will be a wonderful thing.</p>
<p>As the first to go away to college and now the parent about to send their first off to college in a couple of weeks, I can confidently say it is a time to rejoice. Now, I can say that even knowing that I will have seriously sad moments in the coming weeks.</p>
<p>As one of those parents, I will tell you that you need to move on. Go to college. Don’t call every day. Call every Sunday. Live your life. Be happy! That’s really what we want deep down. </p>
<p>Still doesn’t make it any easier on us, but that’s not your problem, that’s our problem. You’ve been an intimate part of our lives for 18 years. That will change in 22 days. Things will change. It will all be good, but right now it’s unknown. We plan to have some fun too. I’ll be able to play my music LOUD (my kids think it’s too loud!). </p>
<p>Your job is to become the YOU that YOU want to be. We’re done - sorta. We hope that you won’t need us, but we are always here if you do, so don’t worry.</p>
<p>Remind them that they dropped you off at kindergarten one day many years ago and although it was difficult to do, it was necessary, and you all survived.
And warn them that you aren’t going to take them with you on your honeymoon ;)</p>
<p>I hate to say it because I don’t want to sound callous but your parents have to get over it.</p>
<p>Unless you’ve given them reason to worry, they have to adjust. You have to stop worrying about the feelings of grown adults so much. If you give in to this now, it will be worse when you try to get married, have a career, have kids, etc. Everythingnwill be a major issue if they can emotionally blackmail you into doing whatever makes them feel better.</p>
<p>My bet is just that they are concerned parents that are laying it on a little too thick. Firmly state your decision to go and let them know you can handle it. Arrange a weekly call to say you’re ok and to check in. No more than that.</p>
<p>OH my gosh, thank you so much for posting this! I was about to post a thread exactly like this, it seems like none of my friends’ parents are having as hard a time as mine. They just seem so sad, that I’m more worried for THEM than I am about myself. They keep saying things like “we don’t know what we’ll do without you in the house” and it makes me feel really bad. I’m not even going very far away!</p>
<p>I’m hoping that my parents and yours will feel better after we have been gone for a while :)</p>
<p>collegedad2013 - if my memory serves me correctly, it also involved the actual writing of letters delivered by the post office! I think my mom wrote me at least once a week, and I think I was expected to do the same. I also wrote letters to my high school friends who were at other schools. Yep… lots of letter writing! Postage stamps were dirt cheap compared to a phone call.</p>
<p>They really don’t have a reason to worry about me. I lived a kind of sheltered life, home and school everyday. That’s probably the main reason why they are having a hard time. I didn’t really go out that often.</p>
<p>I am going to try to talk to them everyday. Even if it’s just 10-15 minutes on Skype, hopefully them seeing me will make it easier on them. Thank you guys for the input!</p>
<p>Your parents sound fine, you are overreacting a little. It’s not fair for you to expect them to be as excited or happy as you ---- they are worried about you in many ways, have a big monetary outlay to manage (unless you are paying your way, which is certainly often the case), and love you. So they’ll miss you, and they are saying so. The best thing you can do is reassure them now with a hug and a “I know, I’ll miss you too, but we’ll be okay”. I am excited for my kids but it’s really sad for me to know my presence in their life is fading fast. And as people, I love their company. Sometimes the sad wins, sometimes excited does.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t make Skype or travel promises that you may not be able to keep. Just muddle through, like the rest of our families. Parents are worrying they didn’t teach you enough, didn’t give enough advice, and time is up! A little sympathy and good humor will help the most. And when you do talk to them, be sure to give them real information, not generalities and mumbles.</p>
<p>Your job isn’t to comfort your parents besides being responsible student and keeping in touch. It’s a natural and sometimes difficult separation. I know my wife is gonna be in a bad state when my kid (a rising Junior) leaves. I think I’ll be better with it but who knows.</p>
<p>Envision your relationship w/your parents five years from now – when you’re a fully emancipated adult – it’ll be great. Don’t stress about the short term anxiety, sadness, etc. It’ll be fine. The earth won’t split.</p>
<p>My mom cried some nights at the dinner table for a few weeks after I left for college – I had no idea until my brother told me. My mom didn’t burden me with it as it was happening. When I found out, I felt terrible b/c I was LOVING being away at college and really didn’t miss them. I all smoothed out at the end.Your parents will be fine. So will you.</p>
<p>Your parents are going to be fine. Believe it or not, it would be harder on them if you didn’t go because they would feel that they failed you. They are just worried about facing a new and different future without you home full-time, and they are worried that they didn’t prepare you. When they get acclimated to their new lives and they see that you are fine and safe, they will be fine and so will you. Good luck to you and your parents! They obviously did a great job of raising you. Make sure you do keep in touch – my girls sent silly little texts early on (like a picture of one D sitting outside that said “I’m in the sun without sunblock and there is nothing you can do about it!”) just so I would know they were ok. They got a handle on their new lives, there were no disasters and I relaxed. It’s ok to be anxious about new situations, and it is ok to reassure people you love. I agree about not making the skype or travel promises, but to a parent, a quick call as you walk across campus or a short text can be awfully wonderful.</p>
<p>I agree that the secret to calling every day is to call on your cell as you are walking to class. That provides an undramatic way to end the call, too.</p>
<p>Threads like this make me so sad. I hope my daughter isn’t as worried about us as the OP is about her parents! Yes, it is sad to separate, but as a parent, I know this is what I’ve raised my kids to do. I would feel like a failure if they never wanted to leave and live their own lives.</p>
<p>Your parents will get over this, and the best way to help them do it is to be very positive and upbeat about your choice. They want you to be happy, really! If you seem down or ambivalent, then this will make them anxious. Just thank them for giving you this awesome opportunity and go enjoy it.</p>
<p>When I was in college in the early 80s, I had a sorority sister whose father had access to a WATS line through his employer and he called her every single day. She was an only child and didn’t see anything unusual about this but we were appalled! Nowadays, some parents and kids connect every day and are appalled when they hear about people who don’t.</p>
<p>You can call them every day or you can just call them every once in a while. Just do what you think is responsible and will help you and your parents’ relationship.</p>
